Role

Chapter 7

Journal, Page 5
It has been some time now that I have been at my twentieth guildrank. I
am... Admittedly not pleased with still being associated with the
Necromancer's guild. Given the ways in which my overall outlook on life
has changed, I do not wish to be associated with a guild that prides
itself on causing, cheating, and even enslaving death. This in itself is
a revelation. I had not known how difficult my journey would be when I
began.

In truth, I still know next to nothing about it. All this time along my
path, I have only been myself. Helped others merely for the sake of
helping them. Fed them because I believe everyone should be able to eat.
Been an open ear and a kind voice to give advice. All of this, and as it
turns out I have given absolutely no thought to myself. I want to be an
Acolyte to aid others in the name of the Light and for the sake of
something greater than myself. I make sacrifices to ease the burdens of
others... But why? What have I to gain from it?

I am tied so strongly to magic that I feel a powerful desire to -use- it.
To have something for myself once more. My Spirit however, would not
survive the lust that follows the magic of the School. What I want, TRULY
want, is to be something more. Not only for my sake, but for those around
me. As a shapeshifter, I could -be- anything. Shape my body according to
the needs beset my companions. I could -become- something more, if only
with myself as the immediate benefactor.

As a Transmuter however, I could help -anyone- become something more. The
physical body is merely a shell for the Spirit, and such magic can change
the shell to match the Spirit it houses. Our limits are only as we
perceive them. But I cannot help but wonder if I would be beset by the
same lust for power.

Were I to be a Priest as my mother wished... As those I hoped to aid with
my research, the blessings I would commune would fortify both the Body
-and- the Spirit. At the same time, I feel that the blessings would be
mixed.

Of the Gods I have met with, the Captain Neltouda has given me a number
of boons on my path. To Neltouda, I am eternally grateful, and I feel a
great loyalty to her.

The Lord of Archons on the other hand is at this point a means to an end.
I am grateful for his mercy in seeing me on this path, but my Spirit is
not his. This is not to say that my path truly has an end, only that the
Lord of Archons must be the one to see me through my cleansing.

Redemption at this point in my life means more than merely cleansing my
Spirit of the evil I tarnished it with. It is righting the path I set
myself on. Turning away from the Guild of Necromancy. Putting to rest the
Spirits I tormented using the magic. Turning away from my own
self-serving desire to learn.