Role

Chapter 25

"I had always believed there was a calling for me in this life,
a place where I would both start and finish my life. When I was
young, I had always thought it would be with him, that we would
grow old together, have children together, and I was filled with
joy at the future we would have together. Together, always
together, we were always together those days."

As I swallow, the lump in my throat is large, making it difficult
and painful, fighting back the tears that always seem to come
unbidden.

"It is difficult these days, hard to remember to eat, to sleep, to
live. I know I will never live, not like I could have, but it was
not to be, and I must simply accept that. You know, there will
never be another in my life that will take his place, I will
live on for his memory, for our dream of what we could have been."

I run my fingers through my brown hair, shorn so long ago in grief,
short now, a boy's cut. My body, once lean is now too thin, bony,
a testament to the pain in my spirit. A tear creeps out of my eye,
unwelcome but not acknowledged. It drips down my cheek slowly as
I continue my story.

"You know, I have not shared this since then, I cannot bring myself
to. Perhaps if I could, I would heal, but I know I never will heal.
I have no hope for that, and would not want it if I could. What use,
he is dead."

My eyes lift up again from their shadowed gaze. The jeweled eyes
of a high-elf, sparkling in the dim light. They seem green, or
gray, a shade somewhere in between.

"Do you know what they did to him? No, I cannot say, I cannot bear
to remember it, what the beasts of the darkness did, I will not
remember it!"

Harsh sobs escape my lips, my thin shoulders slumped and shivering.
My tears flow freely now, my pain so very clear on my face. My
eyes grow faint, unfocused, and stare off into the darkness.

"He was so wonderful, my love, we were so wonderful together. I
had hopes then, dreams, but now there is nothing left to me. I
promise you though, just as I promised him when I burned what was
left of his tainted, twisted remains, that I shall raise my voice
in song against the darkness, against the abominations that twist
this world and bring their unholy wars to it, until there is no
more breath to sing. My love shall hear my voice singing to him
until...well, I know I shall not win, but there will be one candle
lighting this world for a brief while."

I am calm now, serene almost. My thin lips tight with determination.
I know that I shall not prevail, I have no hope of that and would not
desire it anyways. I only hope to erase the memories leaking in my
thoughts, to forget the pain that has gone before, and to find peace
at the last.