Role

Chapter 9

I am now known as the MageSlayer. That is one goal of my life achieved.
I do not know how long I should live, how long til the fates allow me to rest, and
perhaps to rest in the arms of my love, though I know that is not to be my fate.
I know the price of the choices I have made, I know the purity of his heart
and his soul, and I know that I shall not see him again except in my tormented
dreams.

What now though? What drives me? Most I have known have passed on, there
are few that live that were alive when I was born. The odd familiar face, the
comforting cadence of words spoken with friendly voice. I miss these things.

I am a defender of this place, of the souls who fight this war, that is the rock I
have clung to to keep the storms from washing me away, and that is the rock I will
need to hold tight to.

I have met many who have lived a life different than mine, having faced their
pain and recovered enough to forgive, to grow. I am not so strong as that, and I
cannot be. I am brittle, I know that, and there is a deep, overwhelming darkness within
my spirit. It feeds on me, consumes me, and will devour me, but for the rock
I cling to and the tiny candle of love I once knew. I can daydream, fantasize
about the life that could have been mine, if things had been different, if the cruel
fates had not torn my heart from me, if I had the presence within my spirit to
recover. There is no use, though, no prayer to be said against that which is done,
no shelter from a storm so long blown away. I am who and what I am, and I know the
price I have paid, and the accolades I have won, the hatreds, the pride, the pity.

I am what I chose to become, and I acknowledge the choices I have made, and the price
I took up in following this lonely path.

My Mattias, I only wish...
(The page ends in a teary smudge of ink)