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<I'm thinking about playing an anti-paladin, but I'm not sure which race to pick. I'm trying to figure out how important the 3 stats are to anti-paladins. If everything else was equal, how important is each stat for certain strategies.>
This totally depends on what type of AP you want to be playing.
<How important is intelligence to landing sleep and casting strong iceballs? Could one notice a drow iceball over a human iceball? Is the effectiveness of drow sleep over human sleep noticeable?>
The difference in sleep actually isn't as great as everyone makes it out to be me. But yes, there is a noticeable difference. (Suprisingly small between drow and giant I must say after testing it a bit, but still, it is noticeable.) Iceball, same thing. However there are edges...
<How important is having dexterity to the dex-based AP skills? Would I notice the difference between an arial Lashes of the Slave over a human Lashes of the Slave?>
YES! HUGE difference. Really, HUGE difference.
<I'd like a race which lends itself to landing kills without too much help from equipment. I don't mind playing glass-cannons. I like the idea of int & dex over str & con - but I don't want to make huge sacrifices in survivability if it doesn't result in measurable gains in offense.>
This is your own choice here. APs aren't THAT gear dependant. Sleep gets you a long way. As does a drows iceball with edges.
I suggest you test it out, roll a few APs. People rarely accomplish much with their first AP. (My first got a total of 7 charges or so...) Though my second got icecontrol.  Always shoot first and then call whatever you hit the target.
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