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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68397, "[HERALD] Cedany Talandren the Artsy Chronicler of Engaging Intrigue, Painter of the Eternal Star"
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Cedany Talandren the Artsy Chronicler of Engaging Intrigue, Painter of the Eternal Star
The wizened Cedany is an image of classic elven poise, even as her ink-stained hands tremble.
DescriptionThe blonde hair of this elderly elf has been braided into a long plait that she has wound into a bun atop the back of her head. Favoring comfort over style, she wears an emerald tunic embroidered with a multitude of twinkling stars. Tan cotton pants, silver teardrop earrings, and plain leather shoes complete the simple ensemble. Her cerulean eyes are still bright as ever, though the edges of her eyes are accented with crows feet. More wrinkles can be seen around her cheeks when she smiles, which is not an uncommon sight. Her ink stained hands shake slightly, but she maintains a proper posture and does not seem to be overly bothered by the quirks of her aging body.
Score
Level | 51 | Sex | female | Race | elf | Ethos | Orderly | Align | Good | Class | healer | Practices | 5 | Trains | 0 | Hometown | Voralian City | Exp | 557300 | To Level | 26000 | Sphere | Revelation/Divination | Age old, 1171 years old (789 hours) | Hit Points | 635 | Mana | 1101 | Movement | 1057 | Strength | 16 | Intelligence | 25 | Wisdom | 21 | Dexterity | 18 | Constitution | 11 | Charisma | 16 | Carry # | 0/34 | Carry Weight | 0 lb 0 oz | | | Gold | 0 | Silver | 0 | Copper | 0 | Wimpy | 174 | Morale | Moderate | | | Hitroll | 0 | Damroll | 0 | | |
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Cedany's Missing Immortal Comments,
Ishuli,
07-Dec-20 12:16 PM, #3
Cedany's Role Chapter 12,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 13,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 14,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 15,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 16,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 17,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 18,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 19,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 20,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #2
Cedany's Role Chapter 2,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 11,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 10,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 9,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 8,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 7,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 6,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 5,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 4,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 3,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Skill List,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Statistics,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Cabal Specifics,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Edges,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Mob Deaths,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Timeline,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Leveling,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's PK Deaths,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's PK Wins,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Title History,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Best Set of Equipment,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Supplication List,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Supplication List,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's PK Statistics,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Gank-O-Meter,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Immortal Comments,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Immortal Comments,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Immortal Comments,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #
Cedany's Role Chapter 1,
Death_Angel,
07-Dec-20 11:55 AM, #1
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Ishuli | Mon 07-Dec-20 12:16 PM |
Member since 13th Feb 2017
2255 posts
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#68530, "Cedany's Missing Immortal Comments"
In response to Reply #0
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Sat Aug 15 21:03:25 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 22 (20 hrs): An Immortal added 125 exp for: We met, and you were thoughtful. You have met many kinds of evil, not all willing to speak.
Sat Aug 15 21:03:43 2020 by 'Einoh' at level 22 (20 hrs): I tasked you with finding evil within yourself, that we may speak on it together next time.
Sat Aug 15 21:14:02 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 23 (20 hrs): An Immortal added 1000 exp for: Worships Einoh, had an incident 15 years ago about helping someone. And our beginnings of meeting people.
Tue Aug 18 13:52:41 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 36 (47 hrs): An Immortal added 200 exp for: Some good backstory RP/talk with Olethros.
Thu Aug 20 20:37:42 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (69 hrs): An Immortal added 400 exp for: Gristal took his own life!? Cedany, like Rarywey, feels loss. Can those who are evil break the circumstances around them? Good internal thoughts.
Sat Aug 22 23:58:45 2020 by 'Whiysdan' at level 51 (85 hrs): Good presence for Fort lately. Enjoy the lastname!
Mon Aug 24 02:07:58 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (92 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: You donated a 'limb' to Omugug, aren't I just delightful?
Mon Aug 24 21:39:40 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (97 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: RP with Aynwinria and Ariendil.
Tue Aug 25 22:23:46 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (106 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: Relieve your bank of its excess, and challenge two of your friends to further their goodness as well.
Wed Aug 26 00:22:08 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (109 hrs): An Immortal added 400 exp for: Role update about getting trolled by Morius.
Thu Aug 27 01:12:04 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (117 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: Another set of good discussions, and one in depth one with Ariendil as you took part in your task.
Mon Aug 31 18:26:05 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (154 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: RP with Iliomyndil about a number of things, including your chat with Ishuli. Unsure of yourself!
Tue Sep 1 01:42:46 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (157 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: Participating in Rarywey's taletelling event.
Wed Sep 2 21:50:28 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (173 hrs): An Immortal added 400 exp for: Updates about flaws in both Ariendil and Rarywey and things we've asked them to contemplate. Also, thoughts on the Light and the holy war.
Wed Sep 9 21:38:23 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (235 hrs): An Immortal added 400 exp for: Our thoughts on Olethros and him attacking goodie mages. As well as our thoughts on loneliness.
Followed by http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=31&topic_id=68397&mesg_id=68414&page=
I can't pull 681-789 though.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68427, "Cedany's Role Chapter 12"
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RoleChapter 12 Reflections on Love and Loss Added Mon Oct 26 15:01:07 2020 at level 51:Is it true? Do I hate myself?? I have scribed the words from the encounters with Rahsael's aspects into my journal, as if I might be able to use them in some sort of cautionary tale in the future. But for who? It is all just a bit too personal. The accusations are a touch too sharp to read to anyone else. If I read them, will they end up cut to shreds as I am? I think the most likely outcome might be worse. They'll pity me and assure me it isn't true, as if any of their words can cushion the accusations that echo within my mind. They see the side of me that helps others, they don't see all of those I failed to help. I know there is no tally, but it is difficult to find joy in my successes when my failings have been given a voice to harm me.
After all of that I told Ariendil I was fine. I assured him that I was better. I am, sort of. Not really. Aynwinria slipped off into the wilds knowing she saved someone. I'm not sure I'll have that assurance when I find my bones failing me. Again, there is no tally. There is no cosmic list of the souls that have been saved by adherents of the Light. Perhaps my smaller acts of goodness have stopped someone from falling into despair. It is a pleasant thought.
And then there is Rarywey. As I scroll back through my old diary entries, I am reminded of how much happier I was with her around. I know I tend towards being morbid - most medics do. There are only so many dying men you can see before you find a way to excise the parts of you that were foolish enough to believe in the notion of miraculous recoveries. I didn't tell her how much she meant to me. I didn't tell her how much she inspired me or how many adventures I had hoped to go on with her. There were so many words left unsaid - as if I didn't learn the most important lesson from all of those dying men. No day is guaranteed. I can beg, I can pray for the strength of my Lord, but there is nothing that will stop the turning of time. At least I can write it here, in part.
Gristal, I am still sorry. I am trying to do better. Aynwinria, I miss you dearly. I need your wisdom more now than ever. And to Rarywey, my muse, I cared about you more than anyone else. I still do. I hope you are happy among the stars, though they pale in comparison to what you are.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68428, "Cedany's Role Chapter 13"
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RoleChapter 13 Two halves of a distanced whole Added Thu Oct 29 14:44:31 2020 at level 51:(A long journal entry in which Cedany continues to muse on her own nature - especially her desire to understand others. She has moved on from learning about the experiences that are shared among Therans and instead focuses on the kin that confound her)
I don't think I'll ever understand as much as I want to about those I care about. I've been thinking on this for days, going back and forth wondering whether *I'm* the problem or if there even *is* a problem. Evil is incomprehensible at the best of times and none of my kin fight to understand it. What am I supposed to do when it is those same kin that are thousands of miles away from me, separated by their philosophies on life and loss?
I am the problem, in some ways. I have always distanced myself from my losses. It's easier to see them as events in time that bring pain to others. If someone dies, I am perched upon the outermost circle. Even if it rends my heart to be without them... I never put myself in the frame. It was their Loss, their experience... their existence. But what does that leave for me? If I won't acknowledge the impact others have on me until a century after they leave, am I ever going to be able to celebrate them? It only takes a few scarce months for the memory of their face to fade. Their voice leaves my mind a few months later. Decades later, my memories paint them in silhouette, and I can't stop it. That's the cruel reality of distancing myself... I don't just lose them. I also lose the heart of my memories and their idioms and every other little thing that they were. I think they lose something when I pull away. Surely they must sense my hesitance. But I don't want to think on that.
Then there's the other side of the coin. Is there a problem? Do I have to understand them? When I said that unwilling change of my body was the worst thing *I* experienced, I meant it. If we look at events that only pertain to me, I have lived a charmed life in the Light. However, It is unrealistic to only look at those instances, as so much of who I am is bound up in the lives of those I care about. One side of me is rather unscathed, the other side is fending off wounds that would come from acknowledging my part in the lives of others.
I have tried to reason this out. Without the separation and walls I've built, I would be even more prone to panic when healing adventurers who were close to death. I feel that I'd slowly crack under the weight of the memories, until I refused to make any connections out of fear. I keep hoping there's a balance. I'm not sure how, but perhaps I can find some way to see myself in their lives, as a part of their story. Would it make me a better friend? Or a more apt healer? Would I be able to do more good for others if I wasn't haunted by my memories? Maybe it would be a disaster. Only time will tell.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68429, "Cedany's Role Chapter 14"
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RoleChapter 14 On aging and agendas Added Mon Nov 2 05:41:48 2020 at level 51:(This journal entry lacks the elegant script of the prior entries. While the writing would not be considered ugly by any means, the lines that form the letters are uneven, with occasional blobs of ink dotting the page in odd places.)
In all the time I have spent on Thera, I have been preoccupied with my goals, adventures, and acts of kindness. A sea of faces has greeted me beyond the gates of the Fortress, on the streets of the cities, and across the bar of the Inn. I find myself thinking less upon people and more of the places that are rarely visited. My bones ache when I wake, and I have seen the way the women in the soup kitchen move aside when I walk in, as if I am some relic to be danced around. I am old, yes, but am I that old?
I suppose I am.
Thinking of people reminds me of how quickly the centuries have passed, and I do not wish to fall into despair. So I will focus on places and that which I know in my heart:
1) Acts of kindness to those in need 2) Prayer and meditation 3) Writing various tomes for submission to the Lyceum 4) Staying near to my friends and to those who need someone to listen to them
It is a simpler agenda than any I have pursued before. There are no more grandiose goals that I keep in the forefront of my mind. The one thing I have not figured out how to do is how I wish to say goodbye. I do know I want to, but the method escapes me. Will it be enough? I suppose I will save those thoughts for next week, or the week after.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68430, "Cedany's Role Chapter 15"
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RoleChapter 15 On once-friendships Added Sun Nov 8 14:56:35 2020 at level 51:I am lonely once again. Perhaps it is my own fault. I cannot be so steadfast as Ariendil and content only in the presence of my faith. Mortals are social creatures and I am no exception. I do not know what to make of this situation with Birbmwn. I have done everything I can to be a good friend, even risking that I would receive a warrant so she would not die. I have defended her when everyone else assumes ill intent on her part. Now, the truth of her is revealed to me and I am left clutching at shards of a once-friendship. When I am more upset than I have been in recent memory, she doesn't apologize or ask if I am okay. Instead, she 'apologizes' for the fact that *I* think she is lying. It is more insulting than most non-apologies. She accuses me of insulting her when I am hurt, telling me that my feelings are insulting. It makes no sense.
There are so many manipulations that I cannot even think of more than a few without crying again. I tried to tell her of her manipulative behavior. I had hoped to rely on the rock of my faith to see me through this. Perhaps if I told her of the flaw I saw within her, she would realize how serious I was. She redirected the conversation, pushing her good acts to the fore. When that failed, she accused me of lying in my past missives. There is no winning, and she doesn't care.
But there are bright points in my life still. I've vowed that I'll end these entries on a positive note, even if it kills me. Boldr is a bright beacon of Light, telling tales and walking his own path, free from religion. I wrote my letters to Ariendil and Rarywey on the off chance that the Lord of Loss does answer my missive. I've started writing my entries for the Lyceum, and I feel at peace when I work on my entries. Perhaps I will submit some paintings too. I'm still not sure my work is quite good enough, but the worst they can say is no.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68431, "Cedany's Role Chapter 16"
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RoleChapter 16 On love and flaws Added Mon Nov 16 20:44:04 2020 at level 51:"... and where would the world be without a Cedany? It'd probably be mostly the same." - Lady Daphedee, at the Inn.
As it turns out, an old elf can learn new tricks. The quote above sounds so simple, doesn't it? One day, if anyone reads these pages, I imagine they will roll their eyes and mutter to themselves about how self-absorbed I was. The truth is, I never thought the world would not stop turning without me. But I think Daphedee was right to mention my fear of being judged by others. Thera would not stop if I was erased in the minds of those of care for - but a part of my inner world would fall to pieces. How many centuries have I spent hating myself? I would need to find the fifteen or so journals that preceded this one, and I still might not find the start of the rot within me. No wonder Rarywey tried so hard to get me to believe in myself. Still, I have time left. I can be someone that she is proud of, and show her that I learned to be less humble and more... ???
(The writing trails off here, denoting that Cedany was unsure what to write. The next sentence is penned in a new color of ink, as if she hoped to create a layer of separation from the section above.)
That isn't the only reason I'm writing here. After being confronted by Lord Gaspare in the Inn, with him thinking I was Lady Daphedee... or putting on a rather good show of it... I realized something else!
I. Was. RIGHT.
People don't always need lectures on faith and reason to be saved. They need someone to be there - they need the memories of the times when a blanket and a strong whiskey pulled them out of the depths of despair, even if they never fully stop drowning. Even if their captor is just as flawed and lost as they are. I am not glorifying Lady Daphedee's trip into Hell... but it is the most relatable thing I have heard about in some time. Love is like that. It reveals the bravest, stupidest, most vulnerable, unfathomable parts of ourselves. We become something better and worse, all for that person who means so much to us. I probably shouldn't be crying over their story, but I have been for the last few hours. I'll need to keep reflecting on all of this, I think. I feel so close to some breakthrough, but only the divine know what it might be - or if it's even the truth.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68432, "Cedany's Role Chapter 17"
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RoleChapter 17 Into the Dream Added Thu Nov 19 15:25:27 2020 at level 51:I've spent so many years worrying about this damn ritual. I've sent countless missives, consulted with my Lord, spoken to Ariendil and Rarywey... I've even pleaded with Birbmwn to give me information. Perhaps I went about it the wrong way. I've read enough novels to know that there were more covert ways to learn about this fated trip into the Dream.
Now that it is nearly here, I find myself strangely hollow. I still care about the outcome, I still intend to stop any evil acts I see, but I am... distant from it all. It's difficult to summon the strength to do anything other than simply exist and trudge into the dream. I spent all these years worrying and nothing has changed. I feel just as clueless and frustrated as I did when it started.
The novels don't tell you about being bone tired, do they? They speak of leads and successes and thwarting some wily adversary. You get to the final chapter and there is a resounding sense of accomplishment. Is it sad that I was looking forward to Birbwmn leaving me out of the trip? If she did, I could stop worrying in earnest. Instead, I'm here, just kind of... waiting and being grumpy. Ugh.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68433, "Cedany's Role Chapter 18"
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RoleChapter 18 The bitter taste of truth Added Sun Nov 22 11:34:33 2020 at level 51:(This journal entry is written in red ink. Tears have soaked into the parchment, making certain words unreadable.)
I had went into the Dream with a strange sense of trepidation. I expected something cataclysmic. (Thanks, brain). Instead, there are only more questions. And for once, it isn't the questions that bother me.
Birbmwn told Ariendil of what little she knew before we made the trip. So they both knew about the why... and neither of them told me. How do I even begin to process that? I've cried and screamed. I've dangled my legs from the stage of the ampitheater and just... stared outward. I've hidden in my cave.
The truth finds me in all of these places and it reminds me that they *could* have told me. They could have whispered it the second before we stepped through the portal. They could have written a one line missive. But they didn't. The truth screams at me, seeking to send me spiraling into despair.
Birbmwn I can understand. She is loyal to her faith above the Light. But Ariendil? He was the one person I considered my truest friend. Before we went into the dream, I offered to give my life for his, if it came to that. I still would, I think. But that truth would be a rock in my throat, choking out all but the smallest gasps of breath. Would I even have the strength to move?
Maybe I'm overthinking it... and maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe he had a reason.
But I've shared *everything* with him. I'll confront him eventually. Maybe. Not tonight though. I have an event to plan and a bottle of wine with my name on it. 'Cedany, the over-trusting'. Here's hoping it isn't half as bitter as I am.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68434, "Cedany's Role Chapter 19"
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RoleChapter 19 The end of a long chapter Added Tue Nov 24 13:55:08 2020 at level 51:Well. I was wrong about Ariendil. He didn't tell me what Birbmwn said because he didn't think it meant anything. I think I knew that deep down, but the trip to the Dream eats at me. I'm not mad about the failure. If someone wants to keep a ritual hidden, it isn't all that difficult. I'm more upset at myself. I spent *so* much time trying when I knew the odds weren't in my favor. That time could have been spent helping those in need or working on events for the Inn. Worse still, I let my frustration cause me to doubt someone I never should have doubted. I'll need to apologize to him for that.
In other news, I broke my favorite pen over that idiotic doll.
'Gristal ball'. ...
I don't think I've heard anything so succinct and cruel in my one thousand years of life.
It got to Syl too, though not so bad. I worry for Boldr. I could see him buying into that faith if he was hurt enough. I wouldn't tell him not to pursue it - faith is a personal matter. Even so, I'm going to need to write him a letter to stay strong when I pass on. I have no doubt he will, but I want him to know how much I believe in him and how much he means to me. I see so much of myself in him. We have our ridiculous doubts, we care for others, and some part of our artistry saved us.
So many of my worries have evaporated. I'm not leaving the Inn empty. Ariendil isn't leading the Fortress alone. The Light is strong - there are so many young adventurers that give me immense hope in the future. I've even met the most reasonable villager ever. (Probably).
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68426, "Cedany's Role Chapter 11"
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RoleChapter 11 No Longer A Fraud Added Fri Oct 16 13:20:24 2020 at level 51:(In which Cedany reflects upon her path thus far and the plans of certain evil-hearted individuals).
I can't help but to look back on my old journal entries and think upon the choices I've made. I am not so dismayed by my past-self as to be ashamed, but there is a measure of bewilderment that I feel. Above all, I am happy that I have progressed past that stage in my life. I feel it is much like my painting. It took me years to grow proud of my work, and even though I am do not shy away from displaying my work, I see still the glaring faults that others might ignore. Even with decades of practice, there are still certain subjects that are difficult to sketch.
When I pledged myself to the Heralds, Rarywey asked me whether or not I would start painting faces. She knew hoe much the prospect scared me. She challenged me - demanding more of me than I ever would for myself. Now I have had to take on that role. I have made progress, I think. I've revived the Post, hosted a small contest, and painted my best work yet. I have stood up to the mummy and other evil individuals. I have tried to live into the standard she set for what it means to be a Herald...
And yet... I am still anxious. I know that mummyone, Narra, and maybe even Saerha are up to something. How do I challenge myself to prepare for a presumably horrid event that I do not know the nature of? Telling others of the Light of what I know is a start... but I will need to figure out how to do more. I wish they felt the urgency I did. Or maybe I am worrying too much?
In any case, I am proud to end this entry on a happier note.
I am confident I can make a difference. I am no longer a fraud, and I have my faith to guide me. That *will be* my mantra moving forward.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68425, "Cedany's Role Chapter 10"
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RoleChapter 10 Tragedy and Finality Added Sat Sep 26 13:45:13 2020 at level 51:(A journal entry in which Cedany tries to understand how to move forward without the Fortress in her life.)
So much has happened over the last few days. I am heartbroken for Olethros, thrilled I found my muse, grateful to have spoken to my Lord, and furious at Morius. Oh, and I left the Fortress and pledged to the Heralds. It pains me that such horrid events would need to take place for me to have absolute clarity, but it seems that I need finality to shake me from my impulsive ways.
With so many of my failings laid bare, I am left to wonder about how I ended up here. How did I get to the point where I am comfortable calling a horrid man a 'lesser evil'? I have endeavored to walk the path between light and darkness. I do not think that was where I went wrong. I believe that my Lord was trying to encourage me to realize that I had dulled the horrid edges to the point that I stopped seeing evil for what it was. There is a difference between empathy and willful ignorance, and I have tended more towards the latter. I guess the why doesn't matter so much though. I mean, it does... but I need a path forward. I need to figure out how I am going to keep doing good while in the Heralds if I am accepted. Once I have found my path again, I can spend even more time on m reflections.
Guarding myself against temptation should be my first priority. I must remember that all the feelings of being alone are not true. It is another way for evil to rest in my heart, and I cannot let it influence my actions. If I am not the type to condemn or slay evil, what am I? There must be something more than writing missives, listening, and outfitting those of the Light. How can I protect those who are susceptible as I am? Sharing my story might work, but I am not quite willing to share it. I will need to keep praying and reflecting.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68424, "Cedany's Role Chapter 9"
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RoleChapter 9 Admitting the truth Added Fri Sep 18 19:31:23 2020 at level 51:(A journal entry in which Cedany comes to terms with the fact that she is envious of those who can 'fail'.)
These last few days have been difficult. I feel alone, even when surrounded by friends and those of the Fortress. My life has been wonderful compared to theirs. My family didn't die in a plague, nor was I enslaved by Sitran. With everything pushing me towards a virtuous life, why do I find it so difficult to walk the proper path? The last time, I chalked up retrieving the codex with Maere as me not wanting to be 'do nothing'. That is a part of it, yes, but it is the part that makes me look better than I am. In truth, I think I seek the muddled areas of this world because I want permission to fail. I want to see the muddled parts of the world for myself. I find myself thinking of Rarywey and the others who can walk off the beaten path without feeling like a damned fraud. I want both, but I cannot have both. It is the height of selfishness and stupidity.
So many people reach out to me and call me Acolyte. It hurts me every time. What would they think if they knew how quickly I jumped to help Maere? I love helping those who seek my aid. I love doing good acts that are within my reach. But denying someone and risking that they hate me? Apparently that is my massive, idiotic stumbling stone. Aynwinria seems so well-reasoned. Ariendil seems so composed. Why don't I have any of that? Why do I falter in the face of a choice that most other people would deny without a second thought?
I visited Rahsael's temple today. In talking with Maeneekoni, it occurred to me that I might lose everything because of these hang-ups. I might be ousted from the Fortress or my faith. Or both. But I can still help others. I helped before I found Einoh and my home. But I really don't want to lose these things. I want to fix myself.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68421, "Cedany's Role Chapter 6"
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RoleChapter 6 Flaws and the Unending War for the Light Added Mon Aug 31 19:31:01 2020 at level 51:A journal entry in which Cedany reflects upon her completion of Einoh's task and her path forward in service to the Light.
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I have challenged both Rarywey and Ariendil to confront their flaws. It was tremendously difficult to find significant flaws that would lead them towards righteousness. For Ariendil, I asked him to write a letter to himself - forgiving himself for the past that he fixates on with such intensity. I also requested that he wrote a letter to those that he hurt, as he might not ever be able to confront them face to face, as he wishes. I hope that this allows him to accept himself fully - so that he can better serve others. I do not expect him to give up his search for forgiveness, but I hope he can accept that he is not solely to blame.
Rarywey's flaw was more difficult. She acted with good intent in her heart, but she promised me she would never lie to me again and promised it rather hastily. I asked her to reflect upon the nature of morality as well as the consequences of the lie of omission that she committed. While her promise was genuine and righteous, I feel she needed to more deeply understand the context and examine her intentions. I do not think she meant to hurt me.
Beyond that, the nature of the battle for the Light confounds me as well as a few squires. Countless have come before me and Light willing, many generations will come after. I feel that my work to find in-roads and commonalities between myself and others of all walks is even more vital. How long will this war go on for? I have started to write an outline, but my talk with Lady Ishuli made me reconsider my approach. If it is simply a book of reflections, anecdotes, and lessons learned, I will be accused of being an arrogant and out of touch elf. If it is more analytical, I might come off as cold and heartless. I must decide between the two. I do not care if my life's work sits unread. If we wish to change Thera for the better perhaps I can start by chronicling these events for future generations. I cannot allow these musings - be they right or wrong - to die with me.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68420, "Cedany's Role Chapter 5"
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RoleChapter 5 Failed goals, confusion, and conflict Added Tue Aug 25 16:55:01 2020 at level 51:A journal entry where Cedany reflects upon all her goals and those she has recently met - including evil shapeshifters and Morius.
...
I thought it would be simple. Five simple goals.
Join the Fortress. Reflect on Einoh's tenets. Preach the word of my faith. Protect the Maran and heal them when able. Do the most good that I can for those that need my help.
When did it become so complicated? Was it always this complicated? I have been trying to pursue my path of speaking to all that I meet and trying to understand them. I *know* that we are not all that different, I must simply figure out how.
There was an orc at the tavern who was as well spoken as any elf. He can't get into Galadon while horrid necromancers and other evil beings do. Of course, my kin were not so sympathetic to his cause. Then I met with the evil shifter Vodette after she hunted me. She told me she was lonely and we journeyed together for a time. I'm lonely too. Now Morius seeks only to annoy me and pull me from my path. Part of me fears that it could work. It is nice to be spoken to and to feel wanted. It would be so simple to just give up on all those goals. I'm not exactly meeting them to the standard I set for myself. Instead, I have managed to drag Rarywey and Aynwinria into my mess. I do not think my brothers and sisters in the Fortress hate me for speaking to the ones that I do, but I worry their patience will wear thin. Is any of this bringing honor to the Light? This path towards morality feels like a mire that I cannot stop myself from wading into.
Most of all, dear diary, my secret truth is this: I don't want to have goals anymore, they are choking me.
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68399, "Cedany's Statistics"
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StatisticsExperience BreakdownExperience from Cabal raiding | 7200 | Experience from Skill improvements | 5590 | Experience from Exploration | 21725 | Experience from Quests | 23575 | Experience from Commerce | 5100 | Experience from Immortals | 2900 | Experience from Observation | 30110 |
Adventuring StatisticsCharacter Created   | Tue Aug 11 15:28:20 2020
| Quests Completed   | 21 | Exploration Points Found   | 68 | (WANTED) Criminal   | 2 times | Murder | 1 times | Theft | 0 times | Looting | 0 times | Offensive of Harmful Powers | 0 times | Aiding a Known Criminal | 1 times | Assaulting the Spire | 0 times | Attacking Guildguards | 0 times | Other | 0 times | Thickening the Veil | 0 items for 0 | Thinning the Veil | 0 items for 0 | Hours spent at Hero   | 719 hours | % of lifetime in the wilderness   | 27 % | % of lifetime in the cities   | 11 % | % of lifetime in the Inn of the Eternal Star   | 37 % | % of lifetime caballed   | 51 % |
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68400, "Cedany's Cabal Specifics"
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Cabal SpecificsCabal Statistics# of logins with their cabal item   | 171 | # of logins without their cabal item   | 8 | # of logouts with their cabal item   | 160 | # of logouts without their cabal item   | 11 | # of times they lost their cabal item   | 9 | # of times they retrieved their cabal item   | 1 | # of times they took another cabal item   | 10 |
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68402, "Cedany's Mob Deaths"
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Mob DeathsAug 12, 2020|Lv 1 |Ruins of Delar-Tol|a talshidar guard by pierce Aug 15, 2020|Lv 23|Pine Forest|a dire wolf by bite Aug 16, 2020|Lv 24|Tiamat's Lair|a wickedly barbed white abishai by smash Aug 17, 2020|Lv 32|Underdark|a dark-elf patroller by hit Aug 17, 2020|Lv 36|Crystal Island|a jagged crystal by hit Aug 18, 2020|Lv 36|Mount Kiadana-Rah|the Crystalline dragon by piercing cold Aug 19, 2020|Lv 40|Ruins of Maethien|a misty Nightwalker by claw Aug 21, 2020|Lv 51|Ruins of Maethien|a large Nightwalker by claw Aug 31, 2020|Lv 51|The Blue Lair|a carnivorous plant by rending rake Aug 31, 2020|Lv 51|Island of Corte|the sergeant by slice Sep 2, 2020 |Lv 51|The White Lair|a frost giant adept by icy needle Sep 7, 2020 |Lv 51|The Black Lair|a half-black dragon orc berserker by slice Sep 8, 2020 |Lv 51|Ayr'Trinil, the Arial City|a monstrous skyflash by slice Sep 12, 2020|Lv 51|The Green Lair|an enormous shambling mound by smash Sep 22, 2020|Lv 51|Coral Palace|the royal triton wizard by magic Oct 14, 2020|Lv 51|Enpolad's Game Garden|the warrior in Enpolad's entourage by burst of energy Oct 14, 2020|Lv 51|Ruins of Maethien|a small Nightwalker by claw Oct 16, 2020|Lv 51|Tiamat's Lair|Tiamat by hit Nov 1, 2020 |Lv 51|Eil Shaeria|a vale ghast by bite Nov 3, 2020 |Lv 51|The Blue Lair|a carnivorous plant by crush Nov 10, 2020|Lv 51|The Black Lair|a tangling net of swamp moss by smash
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68404, "Cedany's Leveling"
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Leveling HistoryAug 12, 2020 |Lv 2 |Hr 5 | Aug 12, 2020 |Lv 3 |Hr 5 | Aug 12, 2020 |Lv 4 |Hr 5 | Aug 12, 2020 |Lv 5 |Hr 7 | Aug 12, 2020 |Lv 6 |Hr 7 | Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 7 |Hr 9 |9 Skjarl, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 8 |Hr 10 |9 Skjarl, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 9 |Hr 10 |10 Skjarl, 5 Gorantil, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 10|Hr 10 |11 Skjarl, 6 Gorantil, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 11|Hr 12 |13 Tarathiel, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 12|Hr 12 |14 Tarathiel, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 13|Hr 12 |15 Tarathiel, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 14|Hr 13 |16 Tarathiel, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 15|Hr 13 |16 Tarathiel, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 16|Hr 13 |17 Tarathiel, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 17|Hr 15 |18 Tarathiel, Aug 13, 2020 |Lv 18|Hr 15 |19 Tarathiel, Aug 14, 2020 |Lv 19|Hr 17 |11 Quinley, 14 Skjarl, Aug 14, 2020 |Lv 20|Hr 18 |14 Quinley, 17 Skjarl, Aug 14, 2020 |Lv 21|Hr 19 |24 Tarathiel, Aug 14, 2020 |Lv 22|Hr 19 |25 Tarathiel, Aug 15, 2020 |Lv 23|Hr 23 | Aug 15, 2020 |Lv 24|Hr 25 |18 Frondiza, 21 Tikkidy, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 25|Hr 29 |20 Vondersita, 20 Jendar, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 26|Hr 31 |31 Erinthet, 21 Frondiza, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 27|Hr 31 |32 Erinthet, 21 Frondiza, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 28|Hr 31 |22 Frondiza, 32 Erinthet, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 29|Hr 32 |23 Frondiza, 33 Erinthet, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 30|Hr 33 |24 Tikkidy, 25 Frondiza, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 31|Hr 34 |25 Tikkidy, 26 Frondiza, Aug 16, 2020 |Lv 32|Hr 34 |27 Tikkidy, 27 Frondiza, Aug 17, 2020 |Lv 33|Hr 36 |31 Frondiza, 30 Tikkidy, Aug 17, 2020 |Lv 34|Hr 37 |31 Tikkidy, 33 Gristal, Aug 17, 2020 |Lv 35|Hr 37 |32 Tikkidy, 34 Gristal, Aug 17, 2020 |Lv 36|Hr 38 |39 Messaneia, Aug 18, 2020 |Lv 37|Hr 51 |37 Tikkidy, Aug 18, 2020 |Lv 38|Hr 51 |38 Tikkidy, 35 Ariendil, Aug 18, 2020 |Lv 39|Hr 52 |39 Tikkidy, 36 Ariendil, Aug 18, 2020 |Lv 40|Hr 52 |39 Tikkidy, 37 Ariendil, Aug 19, 2020 |Lv 41|Hr 54 |40 Ariendil, 41 Tikkidy, Aug 19, 2020 |Lv 42|Hr 55 |41 Ariendil, 42 Tikkidy, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 43|Hr 63 |37 Vaeri, 42 Ariendil, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 44|Hr 63 |38 Vaeri, 43 Ariendil, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 45|Hr 64 |40 Vaeri, 45 Ariendil, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 46|Hr 64 |46 Ariendil, 44 Garful, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 47|Hr 64 |47 Ariendil, 45 Garful, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 48|Hr 67 |51 Alendross, 45 Lycharad, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 49|Hr 68 |51 Alendross, 47 Lycharad, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 50|Hr 70 |48 Lycharad, 51 Maeneekoni, Aug 20, 2020 |Lv 51|Hr 70 |50 Lycharad, 51 Maeneekoni,
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68405, "Cedany's PK Deaths"
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PK DeathsAug 19, 2020|Lv 42|Voralian City|vs 1: <51> Khelic (100%, claw) Aug 23, 2020|Lv 51|The Redhorn Mountains|vs 2: <50> Lokloq (26%, infernal power), <51> Zodslag (73%) Aug 25, 2020|Lv 51|Northern Foothills|vs 1: <51> Maere (100%, telluric surge) Aug 26, 2020|Lv 51|The Redhorn Mountains|vs 1: <51> Itzenxilaatl (100%, punch) Aug 27, 2020|Lv 51|Fortress of Light|vs 1: <51> Zodslag (100%, digestion) Sep 2, 2020 |Lv 51|The White Lair|vs 1: <51> Itzenxilaatl (100%, icy needle) Sep 4, 2020 |Lv 51|The Lower Voralia's Tears|vs 2: <51> Gohrruk (20%), <51> Quanhest (79%, KB) Sep 15, 2020|Lv 51|The Eastern Road|vs 2: <51> Terenthial (0%), <51> Sebenso (99%, cleave) Sep 17, 2020|Lv 51|The Sea of Despair|Cedany drowned Sep 17, 2020|Lv 51|The Inn of the Eternal Star|vs 1: <51> Sebenso (100%, caustic slime) Sep 21, 2020|Lv 51|Udgaard|vs 1: <51> Sebenso (100%, cleave) Sep 26, 2020|Lv 51|Voralian City|vs 1: <51> Zodslag (100%, pound) Oct 13, 2020|Lv 51|Hamsah Mu'tazz|vs 1: <51> Itzenxilaatl (100%, poison) Oct 15, 2020|Lv 51|Ayr'Trinil, the Arial City|vs 1: <51> Itzenxilaatl (100%, punch) Oct 20, 2020|Lv 51|Voralian City|vs 1: <51> Neajess (100%, cleave) Oct 22, 2020|Lv 51|The Sea of Despair|Cedany drowned Oct 23, 2020|Lv 51|The Inn of the Eternal Star|vs 1: <51> Graevnik (100%, beating) Nov 3, 2020 |Lv 51|High Lord's Keep|vs 1: <51> Itzenxilaatl (100%, ) Dec 1, 2020 |Lv 51|The Shadow Grove|vs 1: <51> Neajess (100%, burst of energy)
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68411, "Cedany's PK Statistics"
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PK StatisticsPK StatisticsTotal PK Wins   | 0 (0 at level 51) | Total PK Losses   | 17 | Total Mob Deaths   | 20 |
PK Wins by Align | VS. Good   | 0 | VS. Neutral   | 0 | VS. Evil   | 0 |
PK Deaths by Class | VS. warrior   | 4 | VS. anti-paladin   | 2 | VS. necromancer   | 5 | VS. druid   | 1 | VS. berserker   | 3 | VS. shapeshifter   | 2 |
PK Deaths by Cabal | VS. None   | 6 | VS. ENTROPY   | 2 | VS. OUTLANDER   | 2 | VS. BATTLE   | 1 | VS. EMPIRE   | 3 | VS. SCION   | 3 |
PK Deaths by Align | VS. Good   | 0 | VS. Neutral   | 0 | VS. Evil   | 17 |
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68412, "Cedany's Gank-O-Meter"
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PK Gank-O-MeterPK Gank-O-MeterTotal PK Wins   | 0 | Total PK Assists   | 2 | Solo PKs   | 0 | PKs with a group of 2  | 1 | PKs with a group of 3  | 1 | PKs with a group of 4+  | 0 | Average Group Size Per Kill   | 2.50 |
Death's Gank-O-Meter says: Faceless Herd Member Total PK Losses   | 17 | Solo PK Losses   | 14 | PK Losses to a group of 2  | 3 | PK Losses to a group of 3  | 0 | PK Losses to a group of 4+  | 0 | Average Group Size Per Death   | 1.18 |
Death's Ganked-O-Meter says: Destroyed By The Honorbound
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68414, "Cedany's Immortal Comments"
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Immortal CommentsSat Sep 19 15:36:47 2020 by 'Padwei' at level 51 (308 hrs): You decided to throw prayers and sanctuary on Maere because you were frustrated by a gnome vindicator, but Maere is SO EVIL. Time for you to consider it as a scribe.
Sat Sep 19 17:32:32 2020 by 'Padwei' at level 51 (308 hrs): Uninducted at her request.
Tue Sep 22 02:23:50 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (326 hrs): An Immortal added 400 exp for: Goofed by retrieving with Maere. Very down on ourself. Lonely. Our stumbling block is an inability to deny others aid, because they might dislike us. Visited Rahs's shrine and talked to Maeneekoni.
Wed Sep 23 20:14:26 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (341 hrs): An Immortal added 50 exp for: A short conversation where you were surprisingly open to sin, how naughty. I'll take advantage of that.
Thu Sep 24 20:55:04 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (350 hrs): An Immortal added 150 exp for: A long talk we had, but a good one, I am sorry for making it drag out. But it was important to me, and I greatly enjoyed it.
Thu Sep 24 20:55:36 2020 by 'Einoh' at level 51 (350 hrs): You were surly, but we spoke about how goodness is not necessarily just condemnation. That understanding is not an evil, while ignoring things may be. Remember that evil is sometimes kind, yet is evil all the same.
Thu Oct 1 14:12:40 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (374 hrs): An Immortal added 400 exp for: Doing a lot of soul-searching after leaving Fortress. Sins are laid bare. Will seek Herald, and contempalte how to "do good" in that context.
Mon Oct 5 15:41:14 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (385 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: We had a good talk. You agreed Undead are different than normal darkness. We reasoned contests are not evil, and that Ariendil and the Squire are perhaps both right in a way.
Wed Oct 7 10:09:09 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (396 hrs): An Immortal added 25 exp for: for RPing with me in Galadon.
Thu Oct 8 21:32:42 2020 by 'Einoh' at level 51 (408 hrs): Your long-lived love of notes has lead me to give you the Preacher edge. I hope you enjoy it.
Tue Oct 13 20:54:02 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (439 hrs): An Immortal added 100 exp for: Interaction with Narra.
Wed Oct 14 22:29:56 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (446 hrs): An Immortal added 50 exp for: Some interaction with Leuoa and I in the Inn. Appropriately huffy about me trying to strangle her deity.
Thu Oct 15 12:24:11 2020 by 'An Immortal' at level 51 (450 hrs): An Immortal added 200 exp for: For a fun chat in the Temple where she showed me her work of paintings. Keep up the good (painting) work!
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Death_Angel | Mon 07-Dec-20 11:55 AM |
Member since 24th Sep 2024
17179 posts
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#68416, "Cedany's Role Chapter 1"
In response to Reply #0
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RoleChapter 1 About Cedany Added Tue Aug 11 22:18:52 2020 at level 1:Cedany considers herself an adherent of Einoh, though she has yet to visit his temple. Her dedication to the sphere of revelation is partially manifested in her habit of writing down nearly all that she experiences, for better or worse. While she often claims that she will review her own musings, she rarely does, and her journals serve more as a diary than any sort of scholarly record.
Her journey to follow Einoh's tenets has not been as simple as she had hoped. Fifteen years ago, in an attempt to help a new settler to Voralian City, Cedany only managed to anger the female human she purchased food and temporary lodgings for. After listening to a scathing rant on the supposed 'pissing contests of helpfulness' that the woman claimed her elven kin engaged in, Cedany was left to wander the city alone. She asked herself many questions surrounding that night, and has yet to find answers to all but the most trivial of inquiries. In truth, she knows that the woman was lonely and lashing out, but that doesn't stop the torrent of self doubt that urges her back to the forest, to focus on the simple acts of goodness. such as healing and helping her own kin first.
Now, with over a decade of time passing since that moment, Cedany is seeking to find her place in the world. Does she fit into the faith she aligns herself with? Does helping individuals truly matter? Will all her accomplishments be forgotten in favor of those who changed the world in earnest? Why is the nature of 'goodness' so elusive?
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