**I'll post the log of my empowerement if anyone is interested, unless Bria asks that I don't**

sc
Zdenhoi the Leader of the Crusades
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Level : 41 Sex : male Race : storm
Ethos : Orderly Align : Good Class : paladin
Practices: 10 Trains : 2 Hometown : Tar Valon
Exp : 484649 To Level : 9751 Sphere : Justice
Age : mature, 215 years old (129 hours)
Hit Point: 636 /636 Mana : 564 /666 Move : 448 /582
Str : 24(24) Int : 17(17) Wis : 17(17)
Dex : 17(17) Con : 21(21) Chr : 18(18)
Carry # : 23/30 Weight : 288 lb 14 oz (Max 552 lbs)
Gold : 22 Silver : 1 Copper : 1211
Wimpy : 0 hp Morale : Moderate Position : Standing
Hitroll : 18 Damroll : 25
AC pierce: -106 Divinely armored AC bash : -119 Divinely armored
AC slash : -105 Divinely armored AC magic : -88 Superbly armored
vs Spell : Divinely protected vs Paralysis : Barely protected
vs Breath: Somewhat protected vs Petrification: Not protected
You are dedicated to fighting with shields.
You are affected by:
Commune: 'crusade' modifies save vs spell by -10 for 42 hours.
Commune: 'crusade' modifies hit roll by 5 for 42 hours.
Commune: 'bless' modifies save vs spell by -10 for 42 hours.
Commune: 'bless' modifies hit roll by 5 for 42 hours.
Commune: 'righteousness' for 22 hours.
Commune: 'armor' modifies armor class by -20 for 21 hours.
Commune: 'protection' for 20 hours.
Commune: 'detect evil' for 24 hours.
Commune: 'detect invis' for 24 hours.
Commune: 'sanctuary' for 5 hours.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


sk

Level 1: mace 100% polearm 75%
sword 100% staff 75%
parry 100% rescue 80%
recall 100% shield block 100%
Level 4: enhanced damage 100%
Level 6: second attack 100%
Level 7: hand to hand 96% fast healing 89%
Level 10: charge 1% disarm 100%
shield bash 100% lay hands 75%
shield mastery 100%
Level 12: haggle 76%
Level 13: third attack 95%
Level 14: meditation 95%
Level 15: shield jab 93%
Level 19: lore 75%
Level 20: pen 1%
Level 22: pugil 1%
Level 24: flank attack 85%
Level 28: track the wicked 83%
Level 32: angels wing 100%

==636/636hp 564/666m 473/582mv=9751tnl=4 AM== sup

Level 1: cure light 10 mana detect evil 5 mana
Level 2: armor 5 mana
Level 3: create food 5 mana
Level 4: create water 5 mana know alignment 9 mana
Level 5: cure serious 15 mana
Level 6: bless 5 mana detect invis 5 mana
Level 7: cure blindness 5 mana
Level 10: cure critical 20 mana flamestrike 20 mana
Level 11: call lightning 15 mana protection 5 mana
Level 13: remove curse 5 mana
Level 17: cure deafness 35 mana
Level 19: locate object 20 mana
Level 20: wrath 20 mana
Level 21: summon 50 mana
Level 22: crusade 40 mana
Level 24: remove taint 100 mana
Level 25: turn undead 35 mana
Level 27: sanctuary 75 mana
Level 29: heal 40 mana
Level 32: word of recall 40 mana
Level 33: righteousness 10 mana
Level 37: redemption 50 mana
Level 38: holy word 100 mana
Level 40: sanctify room 100 mana

==636/636hp 564/666m 473/582mv=9751tnl=4 AM== prac
armor 90%( 90%) bless 84%( 84%)
call lightning 75%( 75%) charge 1%( 1%)
create food 97%( 97%) create water 79%( 79%)
cure blindness 75%( 75%) cure critical 94%( 94%)
cure light 1%( 1%) cure serious 1%( 1%)
detect evil 93%( 93%) detect invis 87%( 87%)
flamestrike 85%( 85%) heal 92%( 92%)
holy word 76%( 76%) know alignment 1%( 1%)
locate object 82%( 82%) protection 82%( 82%)
remove curse 75%( 75%) sanctuary 86%( 86%)
summon 83%( 83%) word of recall 76%( 76%)
mace 100%(100%) polearm 75%( 75%)
sword 100%(100%) staff 75%( 75%)
disarm 100%(100%) enhanced damage 100%(100%)
hand to hand 96%( 96%) parry 100%(100%)
rescue 80%( 80%) second attack 100%(100%)
third attack 95%( 95%) shield bash 100%(100%)
pugil 1%( 1%) angels wing 100%(100%)
fast healing 89%( 89%) haggle 76%( 76%)
meditation 95%( 95%) recall 100%(100%)
track the wicked 83%( 83%) wrath 100%(100%)
lore 75%( 75%) shield block 100%(100%)
turn undead 75%( 75%) lay hands 75%( 75%)
cure deafness 75%( 75%) sanctify room 75%( 75%)
redemption 75%( 75%) remove taint 75%( 75%)
righteousness 75%( 75%) pen 1%( 1%)
crusade 79%( 79%) shield mastery 100%(100%)
shield jab 93%( 93%) flank attack 85%( 85%)
You have 10 practice sessions left.



==636/636hp 564/666m 448/582mv=9751tnl=5 AM== rem all
You stop using a scimitar named 'Wave Dancer'.
You stop using plate vambraces decorated with red enamel.
You stop using the boots of stealth.
You stop using an ivory bracelet.
You can't remove **SOMETHING***
You stop using a gold embroidered red sash.
You stop using a Templar's crown.
You stop using a silver-gray bracer.
You stop using a wooden holy symbol.
You stop using the plate of protection.
You stop using a shark tooth necklace.
You stop using some leggings from the snow worm.
You stop using a serpent ring.
You stop using a serpent ring.
You stop using a shaman's robe.
You stop using gauntlets of ogre power.

==636/596hp 578/511m 489/567mv=9751tnl=5 AM== drop all
You drop a scimitar named 'Wave Dancer'.
You drop some shark bait.
You drop some shark bait.
You drop a small yellow root.
You drop a shimmering ornate silver scepter.
You drop plate vambraces decorated with red enamel.
You drop a girdle of many pouches.
You drop a metal canteen insulated in a wolf's pelt.
You drop the boots of stealth.
You drop an ivory bracelet.
You drop a gold embroidered red sash.
You drop a Templar's crown.
You drop a silver-gray bracer.
You drop a wooden holy symbol.
You drop a Crusader's Sword.
You drop the plate of protection.
You drop a shark tooth necklace.
You drop some leggings from the snow worm.
You drop a serpent ring.
You drop a serpent ring.
You drop a shaman's robe.
You drop gauntlets of ogre power.

==636/596hp 578/511m 489/567mv=9751tnl=5 AM== ' Keep those out of darkwalker's hands.
You say 'Keep those out of darkwalker's hands.'

==636/596hp 578/511m 489/567mv=9751tnl=5 AM== delete
Type delete again to confirm this command.
WARNING: this command is irreversible.
Typing delete with an argument will undo delete status.
If you confirm the delete, this name will be unusable.
You will need to talk to an implementor to use it again.

Time to throw away 129 hours, 41 levels and 472800 experience.

Death tells you 'I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE.'
SOMEONE IS TALKING TO YOU

delete
Awaiting the hour of reprisal, your time slips away...









****first desc
Desc + This Storm giant stands tall, even with a perpetual slouch that might
Desc + even be called a “slump”, and is quite gaunt for members of his race.
Desc + His visible skin, while still turquoise in tint is very pale and lacks
Desc + the deep, healthy hue that most Storm giants obtain from a long youth
Desc + ingesting rich sea and lake nutrients. Deep, metallic blue eyes peer
Desc + out of a severe, angular, and mostly expressionless face with the only
Desc + clue on what this giant might be thinking being the dark bags under
Desc + the puffy eyelids that surround eyes that are very bloodshot. All
Desc + sorts of symbols, some recognizable as Holy symbols, some obviously
Desc + arcane symbols of power, and some that do not look like any other
Desc + symbols that are commonly seen in Thera are tattooed about his almost
Desc + hairless head, barely concealed underneath a light fuzz of closely
Desc + cropped, bright-emerald hair. In his shield hand he is clutching a
Desc + small symbol with a noticeably iron grip, as though his very existence
Desc + hinges on keeping it close.

****second desc, after empowerment( 31 hours)
Desc + This Storm giant stands tall, even with a perpetual slouch that might
Desc + even be called a "slump", and is quite gaunt for members of his race.
Desc + His visible skin, while still turquoise in tint is very pale and lacks
Desc + the deep, healthy hue that most Storm giants obtain from a long youth
Desc + ingesting rich sea and lake nutrients. Deep, metallic blue eyes peer
Desc + out of a severe, angular, and mostly expressionless face with the only
Desc + clue on what this giant might be thinking being the dark bags under
Desc + the puffy eyelids that surround eyes that are very bloodshot. All
Desc + sorts of symbols, some recognizable as Holy symbols, some obviously
Desc + arcane symbols of power, and some that do not look like any other
Desc + symbols that are commonly seen in Thera are tattooed about his almost
Desc + hairless head, barely concealed underneath a light fuzz of closely
Desc + cropped, bright-emerald hair. About his thick neck is a long cord
Desc + of thickly wrapped twine that hangs down onto his chest on the outside
Desc + of his armor, suspending two strange objects. It passes through a small
Desc + square hole in a very worn coin of white-gold that appears like it




Your role is:
Added Fri May 9 10:49:30 2003 at level 1( 0 hours)

role + Every man has a line he will not cross.
role +
role + What happens to a man who never believed that, when he finally comes to that
role + line?
role +
role + What happens to a man when he finds out that Love does not conquer all?
role +
role + What happens when the proudly indifferent are violently disabused of their
role + notions of Love and Peace?
role +
role +
role + **
role + Zdenhoi's personality is based in large part on three things. First is the
role + movie "Mother Night" with Nick Nolte, second is the animated film "Prince of
role + Egypt", and third is the lyrics to the song "Paint it Black" by the Rolling
role + stones...particularly these verses....
role +
role + ..
role + I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
role + I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
role + ..
role + With flowers and my love both never to come back
role + I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
role + Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day
role +
role + I look inside myself and see my heart is black
role + ..
role + Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
role + It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black
role +
role + No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
role + I could not foresee this thing happening to you
role +
role + If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
role + My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes
role + ....
role + **
role +
role + **************Backstory************************
role +
role + Zdenhoi was born in a fairly large city in a far away land. He was Orphaned
role + as a toddler in what that city called "The Great Chaos". The great chaos was
role + a time when lawlessness and crime became rampant in the city and the
role + surrounding lands, until a group of wealthy merchants and powerful
role + adventurers established order with an Iron Fist and became the "City
role + Fathers". They established peace by violently crushing any and all
role + resistance, and set up many social programs that increased the standard of
role + living in the city...like building orphanages and putting the poor to work in
role + labor camps that became farms that fed the city.
role +
role + Zdenhoi grew up believing, as all children were taught, to never question the
role + City Fathers who had saved the city. Indeed, he personally had much to be
role + thankful to the City Fathers for, and as he grew to manhood, he was trained
role + and became one of the most popular "Voices of the Fathers" who would explain
role + to the citizens the policies of the City Fathers.
role +
role + LOVE
role + It was during his training that he met his wife. An amazingly beautiful
role + storm giant female that he had never seen before. While the city was large
role + and very metropolitan, containing populations of almost every race, Zdenhoi
role + thought that he knew all of the Storm giants in the city. It turns out that
role + she, like most of the other Storm giants in the city, was orphaned in the
role + great chaos...but instead of being placed in an Orphanage, like all of the
role + other Storm giants in the city had been, she was raised by friends of her
role + parents who were dwarves, of all things.
role +
role + Their love was story-book, love at first site, true love. They waited barely
role + enough time for it to be decent, and were married and soon his wife was with
role + child.
role +
role + It was late in her pregnancy and soon after his son was born that things
role + began to change for him.
role +
role + The city fathers were never very secretive about their methods of keeping
role + order, but Zdenhoi had never really bothered to think about it, as he had
role + never really witnessed the oppression and the utter savagery with which the
role + city fathers dealt with any who spoke out against them. But in his position
role + in their government, he was increasingly exposed to the realities of the city
role + fathers.
role +
role + Out of selfish interests, mostly, he rationalized away his uncomfortableness
role + with the oppression, telling himself that if the greater good of order and
role + peace was served...then what he was witnessing was a small price to pay. Not
role + to mention the fact that he was still very much in love, and nothing,
role + absolutely NOTHING could seem important to him next to the love of his Wife
role + and small child. Although the fact that it seemed that his wife had none of
role + the uncomfortableness that he experienced when witnessing the truths of the
role + methods of the City Fathers seemed to him a strange thing, and for quite some
role + time he strived with all of his being to obtain that...Indifference to the
role + suffering of others, as long as it served the interests of the City.. And it
role + did not take long before he had suppressed his uncomfortableness out of his
role + conscious waking life, for he saw that indifference as honorable, although he
role + did have quite a few nightmares.
role +
role + It is not exactly accurate to say that he "thought"...but more like that he
role + "knew", "balls to bones", without even ever truly thinking about it, that
role + he would do anything and everything for his budding family....anything
role +
role + He had a few years of this ignorant bliss before one fateful day violently
role + disabused him of that notion.
role +
role + One early morning he was supervising a large construction crew when a pillar
role + being erected fell through the wall of the Inner sanctum of the City Fathers.
role + He had the crew, 1300 strong, enter the building and remove the pillar and
role + then rebuild the wall as fast as they could. But it was too late. He and
role + his lieutenant had seen the records of the truth. The truth was that their
role + city had been run peacefully and justly by the Storm giants before the Great
role + Chaos...and that the Great Chaos was in fact a time when some wealthy but
role + corrupt merchants who were ejected from the city hired an army and invaded
role + the city and took it over, slaying all of the adult and older children of the
role + Storm giants.
role +
role + Both he and his lieutenant were struck numb for a time with disbelief. When
role + they broke free of their numbness, they reacted in different ways. Zdenhoi,
role + thinking only of his wife and his child, wished to keep this knowledge
role + secret, while his lieutenant grew extremely angry...filled with a righteous
role + rage...and began to spread the word. It did not take long before the City
role + Fathers heard about this, and their reaction was all too predictable. All
role + who had heard this story, and all of their families, were to be put to death.
role + Zdenhoi, and his wife, because they were valuable to the City Fathers, were
role + to be spared...but not their infant son.
role +
role + Zdenhoi raced home...only in time to see his Wife, who always believed in the
role + City Fathers, hand over their son to the squad of enforcers and to watch them
role + carry out the sentence.
role +
role + That was the last he ever saw of the love of his life. For he began to run.
role + All of the studied indifference that he had carefully adopted shattered away
role + and his inner loathing of the City Fathers and their brutal tactics came to
role + his blood and almost threatened to carry him away into a berserk rage.
role +
role + MERCY
role + But no. He could not afford the comfort of a rage like that. While he would
role + do much damage to the forces of the City fathers in such a rage, he could not
role + let the lives of all of those other condemned families be put onto his soul.
role +
role + He offered quick prayers to the Gods of the Light, that he had tried so hard
role + to ignore for most of his life, to help him, and his wish was granted. With
role + their divine help, he was able to claw his way out of his blinding red rage
role + enough to act with a purpose. Although he could not save all of the families
role + that were condemned, he gathered all of the children that he could and he led
role + them out of the city through the sewers. Thrice guards were sent after him,
role + and thrice the Gods of the Light used him and granted him the strength to
role + overcome them. The Third group of guards were led by his Brother in law, his
role + Wife’s brother. And Zdenhoi slew him and all of his soldiers.
role +
role + That was the last that he saw of that city. With the aid of the Gods of the
role + Light, he was able to find enough food for the children and to protect them
role + in the wild as he led them far away from the lands of the City Fathers. He
role + found a small village of his own race, and they gladly took in all of these
role + orphans. Here he had wished to stay, to wallow in his misery and to help to
role + raise all of these children as he would have raised his own son.
role +
role + JUSTICE
role + But he was not allowed that comfort. He was plagued by visions from the Gods
role + of the Light. He had not completely redeemed himself as of yet, as he still
role + had many sins weighing on his soul, and he came to the realization that in
role + return for their aid in helping him pull out of the burning rage, and their
role + acceptance of him as their tool to save the lives of those children, he had a
role + price to pay.
role +
role + A price that could never be fulfilled. He realized that he was being called
role + to become a tool for the Light, to live the rest of his life...until death
role + and beyond, in it's service. In that village was an old, retired campaigner
role + of a Paladin from whom he gained a rudimentary training in the guild, and he
role + then set off to follow wherever the Light called him.
role +
role + ***********************************************
role +
role + ***********explaining his personality**********
role +
role + Zdenhoi Azh Okhai is a Tormented man(the last name, Azh being “Orphan”
role + and Okhai being “True” in the language of his youth, and is a name he has
role + given himself to show the world just how removed his is from his roots, for
role + he does consider himself a “true orphan” in a number of different ways.
role +
role + He is tormented five fold in his emotions...
role +
role + *First, he is eternally shamed by his attempted Indifference.
Role +
role + *Second, he longs for his son.
Role +
role + *Third, he still longs for his wife, and a return to the pure love and
role + happiness that they shared.
Role +
role + *Fourth, sometimes, late at night, he sometimes thinks that it was his
role + turning to the light that destroyed the life of complete love and happiness
role + that he had.
Role +
role + *Finally, he knows that the above thought is not true, he knows that it was
role + his attempt at turning from the light to indifference that led to his
role + loss...but he has a hard time controlling the thought when he wakes up in the
role + middle of the night in a cold sweat, having re-lived the slaughter of his son
role + while his Wife looked on peacefully.
role +
role + This inner turmoil causes Zdenhoi to be very much a "loan wolf" type of man,
role + uncomfortable in the company of others as he works towards repaying his debt
role + to the Light that can never be repaid.
role +
role + This leads him to have a strong tendency to try to work without the aid of
role + his peers.
role +
role + He does not choose to learn and advance alone out of a strict view of
role + religion or penance, it is just merely a result of his uncomfortableness
role + with the casual camaraderie that comes from adventuring about with others.
role + But indeed one of his goals is to advance to becoming a Hero in his guild
role + without joining with any of his peers, but he does not take that goal to the
role + extreme of refusing to use tactics and well-coordinated strikes in the war
role + against the darkness.
role +
role + **the below view of where I see Zdenhoi going is of course subject to
role + modification based on IC interactions**
role + I see him as growing from this tormented, very emotional youth, into a young
role + man who's inner torment has scabbed over his emotions (if only on the
role + surface), turning him into a very hard and strict man. And I see this
role + "hardness" and disgust at his own path turning into an almost burning need to
role + bring down oppression and the evil that gives oppression ground to flourish.
role +
role + I see him of two very different dispositions regarding the "neutral" of
role + Thera. On one hand, he has a knee-jerk disgust at those who are
role + "indifferent", because of his own path and because he knows what kind of evil
role + that indifference leads to.
role +
role + On the other hand, he often sees in them something of himself, leading him
role + to desire to help them choose the Light before disaster falls upon them, as
role + it did for him.
role +
role + Also, he has a great distrust for any who use the cry of "It is for Order"
role + to justify their actions as that was the argument the City Fathers used to
role + justify their extremely brutal rule. It was also the rationalization that
role + he used in himself to justify his indifference.
role +
role + Indeed, he sees that whole "Sure I don't like seeing that kind of thing,
role + but order must be kept, for the good of all" argument as "The Great Lie",
role + and he will not hesitate to refer to it as such.

Added Mon May 12 22:17:01 2003 at level 10: (12 hours)

Role + Zdenhoi was traveling, learning the lands, when he came upon a small
Role + fortress of light on the borders of the evil lands of the so-called Empire.
Role +
Role + As he walked the halls of this fortress, the Lord of the place, Gharis,
Role + asked for Zdenhoi’s aid in rooting out a traitor. Of course Zdenhoi
Role + agreed. Using a hint from Gharis, Zdenhoi found an evil merchant
Role + and …”convinced” him to reveal a clue on who the inside traitor was.
Role + Zdenhoi entered the keep and found that a bookkeeper by the name of
Role + Darius.
Role +
Role + And then something occurred that took Zdenhoi completely by
Role + surprise. Zdenhoi took the knowledge of the traitor, along with the
Role + proof, to the Lord Gharis…and Gharis refused to act! It was as if
Role + Gharis all of a sudden decided to not care about a traitor to the light
Role + in the midst of his Fortress.
Role +
Role + This angered Zdenhoi greatly. First, he told Gharis that if he would
Role + not act, that he would. Still, Gharis did nothing. So Zdenhoi acted and
Role + brought the Traitor to Justice. But not just in the name of Justice…for
Role + to leave a traitor in the walls who had acted already to destroy the
Role + peace of the Keep, and to leave the subjects of this somnolent lord
Role + Gharis in constant danger would be an evil of non-action.
Role +
Role + After Zdenhoi made sure that the people of the keep would be safe by
Role + seeing that Justice was done, he returned to Gharis and lectured him
Role + shortly on the duties of a Lord. For Lordship brings more than just
Role + privileges, but also responsibilities. Zdenhoi was unable to convince
Role + so elderly and strong a Lord that he had responsibilities to his own
Role + people, so he swore to Gharis that he would return when he was
Role + more powerful to give him lessons on being a better Lord, and at
Role + that time, Gharis would listen and learn, or would be removed for
Role + himself betraying his own people. For because of Zdenhoi’s past,
Role + he has almost zero tolerance for those he sees as abusing a
Role + leadership position.

Added Tue May 13 14:17:04 2003 at level 10: (17 hours)

Role + One day, while traveling across the sea after spending some time
Role + in prayer to his Goddess, Zdenhoi witnessed something that
Role + troubles him greatly.
Role + He witnessed the sylvans Corthy, Grumby, and Blachmianan
Role + leap upon the Magi of Light by the name of Gherian with
Role + a frothing bloodlust in their eyes. Zdenhoi was not surprised
Role + by this, as much as saddened, for he knew the Sylvans as
Role + led by Indifferent mortals, and following Indifferent Gods,
Role + so seeing them fall to the work of evil was but furthor proof
Role + for Zdenhoi’s ideas that there is no middle-ground in the
Role + war between the Light and the Darkness.
Role + What troubled Zdenhoi the most, was seeing the Elf Meladori, the
Role + Fela Misha, and the Paladin Karun stand by and watch this assault,
Role + doing nothing but asking with words for the Evil Indifferents to
Role + “please stop”. Again and again they yelled out their request, and
Role + again and again the Indifferents totally ignored them.
Role + That is what troubled Zdenhoi. He did not see fellow lightwalkers
Role + leap to the aid of a Lightwalker obviously beset by evil on all sides.
Role +
Role + All of this has only served to cement his resolve to grow in the Light,
Role + so that he might grow to have the strength to bring Justice for those
Role + who he sees all about who are beset by the Darkness.

Added Sat May 24 01:02:50 2003 at level 10 24 hours)

********************
Clarification of elements in his description.

As to the tattoos on his head. In that village he first escaped to, the
elders of that village were the first to help him on his path back to
the Light. They believed that these symbols and tattoos of power
would aid in keeping evil thoughts and influences from his mind, as
long as they remain visible to all. He is not sure that he believes
in them, but he also believes that he can't leave anything to chance,
so this is why he always keeps his hair close-cropped...and will
never wear any headgear that would totally cover his tattoos such
as helmets or hats, although some crowns do not cover them so he
might wear them and other things that might not cover the tattoos.

The small symbol that he carries in his shield hand always and
clutches is just a white-gold coin, on one side is etched the name
of his son, Zeffednak, and on the other side was etched the name
of his wife, Mrysila...but his constant rubbing of the coin with his
thumb has long since rubbed that side of the coin smooth.
********************

*********Empowerment, rank 10, (31 hours)
Added Thu May 29 14:02:04 2003 at level 18: (50 hours)
.
****
role +
role + His audience with Bria served as quite a revelation for Zdenhoi, for
role + he was convinced that he would have to live the rest of his life without
role + knowing Love. For quite some time he walked about in a warm daze,
role + shocked at the love he felt flowing from his Goddess, so much so that
role + he hardly noticed when three times the Light chose to use him as the
role + tool by which an evil soul was delivered to judgement. Indeed he has
role + been quite successful and blessed by the light in his early career.
role +
role + But recently, a melancholy has been creeping into the haze of happiness
role + of his existence. This deep sadness has two sources, really. First, the
role + surprise of feeling Love again when he had not thought to feel it ever
role + again has unfortunately served to remind him more poignantly of what
role + he has lost. Secondly, his good fortune so far has filled him with a
role + measure of guilt, for deep-down he is not sure he deserves such good
role + fortune.
role +
role + Because of this mixture of sublime happiness and deep sadness, he finds
role + it increasingly difficult to be fair of speech, especially to those of Dark
role + souls and those Indifferents he sees aiding the Darkness...which is almost
role + all of the Indifferents that he has seen. And because of this difficulty, he
role + has tried to keep his words as short and as formal as possible, so as not
role + to sound course.
role +
role + A short time ago the leadership of the Fortress sent a scroll out inviting
role + those of the Light to apply. Although Zdenhoi had, before this, had a
role + nebulous idea of what the Light would require of his life as repayment for
role + his youth, upon reading the scroll it became clear to him what path he
role + needs to work towards. But, he knows now that he is not his own
role + Master, and will seek out his Liege lady to ask permission to pursue the
role + life of the Maran.

Added Tue Jun 3 17:57:02 2003 at level 22: (69 hours)
Role + Today Zdenhoi was attempting to grow in strength in order to better
Role + serve the light, when he had a conversation with a young elven healer
Role + by the name of Anadriewien that truly changed much of his outlook.
Role +
Role + After turning down the offer of camaraderie in slaying the darkness
Role + made my Anadriewien and her friend, Anadriewien asked specifically
Role + why.
Role +
Role + Zdenhoi answered that the reasons were two-fold, and somewhat
Role + personal. He said that, due to the past to be honest, he is somewhat
Role + of an introvert, and not at all at ease with the casual friendship offered
Role + in such gatherings. He also said that, due to his past which he would
Role + not go into, he believed that he had a great debt to repay to the Light,
Role + and that he had hoped that the difficulty of the quest of growing in his
Role + guild alone would help to repay his debt.
Role +
Role + It was then that the young Healer offered two thoughts that had not
Role + passed through Zdenhoi’s mind.
Role +
Role + First, he posed the question that, What if he as a healer, denied helping
Role + others with his prayers…for “personal reasons”…or for whatever…
Role +
Role + Immediately Zdenhoi saw the point that Anadriewien was trying to
Role + make….and was shocked. He was supposed to be a Champion of
Role + the Light…and he might be failing in that calling by refusing his gifts
Role + from others who were in need of aid in growing in the Light so that
Role + they might be better able to stand against the Darkness and strike
Role + back.
Role +
Role + His other argument was based upon the Fortress, which Zdenhoi
Role + indeed hopes to gain leave from his Liege to join. He argued that
Role + what is a sword, who will not stand with his shield, and that it was
Role + the way of the Fortress to help spread Love and the Light through
Role + the Maran and the Acolytes standing together.
Role +
Role + While Zdenhoi could have argued that this second argument did not
Role + bear directly on the conversation at hand, that of growth in the
Role + Light. But it is when the Healer was making this argument that
Role + Zdenhoi had a realization that there was actually a hidden third
Role + reason why he had hoped to grow in his guild alone…the Sin of
Role + Pride. He was proud of being perhaps unique in these times and
Role + in his guild, and he was proud of the renown that this path might
Role + bring him in the future.
Role +
Role + This realization hurt Zdenhoi greatly. He retreated to his Lieges
Role + Holy place and spent time in personal reflection and prayer, and
Role + although he knew that his turning from his quest of growing alone
Role + he no-longer believed that his reasons for attempting such were
Role + reason enough to continue to deny the gifts that the Light had
Role + given him from those who would benefit from them.
Role +
Role + And so, he penned this scroll to his Liege, the Lady of Justice,
Role + and resolved to do more to help others grow in the strength of the
Role + light.
Role + ***********
role + On this day, Lady of light, a young elven healer by the name
role + of Anadriewien aksed me directly why I had turned down his, and
role + friend's, offer to join our gifts against evil.
role +
role + I will not repeat the conversation here, for I know you must be
role + busy beyond my understanding, but the short of it is that she
role + presented an argument that I had not considered. And it revealed
role + to me a third reason on why I have been attempting to grow
role + in my guild alone....that of Pride. I was proud that I was
role + perhaps unique in my choice in these times, and I was even hoping
role + to gain reknown for it.
role + These realizations about myself have hurt me greatly.
role +
role + Lady of Light, I am fully aware of how this may look. And that
role + I may be marked as one who can not finish what he has started...
role + Perhaps even that I am an opportunist...
role +
role + Unfortunately, I must risk these judgements, because I nolonger
role + believe in my heart that I am serving the Light to the best of
role + my ability by refusing to use the gifts granted to me to help
role + others grow in the strength of the Light.
role +
role + Lady of Justice, my Liege, I pray that you may forgive me the
role + pride that I have been guilty of. I also pray that you may forgive
role + me for abandoning the path that my pride had lead me to follow,
role + that of the growth in my guild with no help from others...also
role + giving no help to others in THEIR growth in the Light.
role +
role + With Love,
role + Zdenhoi.
Role + ************
Role + As the note to the Lady Bria stated, he hopes that she may
Role + forgive him for both his transgression of Pride, as well as
Role + the abandonment of his stated quest.