Role

Chapter 1

He wonders now if his realization of his Queen's actions is truly the extent
to what the Knight wished him to understand. He feels so much more confident
now, but still he feels a sense of emptiness, and worries if he is going the
wrong way. He spends every waking moment considering what he could do to be
a better follower, to serve Her better, and he is scared to death it will not
be enough. He has considered the words of others as well, their
interpretations, asking from what he considered great minds, to those he
considered fools. He feels he was a fool as well for thinking he should be
approaching Her in looking for the Court, he assumed She Willed that he find
further understanding of Her, and then seek the Court.

He feels a strange duplicity. Regarding Her, he feels he is such an
incompetent worm, wandering blindly, but to others, he knows he is superior,
that they are just there to aid him, or else be fodder for his learning.
Either aids him he supposes. His heart swells when he is among others, for
he knows exactly how to bend them to his will, which is simple, as they have
the same goal, he knows it will be far more difficult when they have their
own ambitions. He has been quieter as of late, however, for his inner
turmoil occupies his mind. His mind is focused entirely upon Her, and how he
can change himself to be more worthy. Were it Her Will that he cut out his
heart, or leap from the highest peaks, he would be cursing his legs for not
moving quickly enough to do so.He only hopes that he walks the path She
wishes.

He does not want Lady Eshval to think him a fool for not understanding Her
Will, but he also does not know what else he can do. He must harden his
resolve, and pray, no matter what comes of it.