Haven't done this in a while, hopefully no one gets pissy about it. I tried to offer constructive advice where it seemed fitting.

Thanks for entering the Feb RC everyone. Happy Valentines Day!

Hilamar – this is a nicely written and very lengthy role. Consider throwing in the occasional bullet point synopsis chapter for the viewer who would like to know more about your character without needing to sit down and read the whole book. Cliff notes are our friends.

Zmiaslrithla – When we did go over this role the formatting made it very difficult to read. Consider that lines should be kept under 80 characters, and remember that hard return breaks are your friend. Also, it looks like the memory leak ate it so please re-enter it and send up a pray about it when you’ve done so.

Huldon – nice role that explains motivations for the character.

Tholos – this is a good read but in the future I’d suggest adding more content that talks about the actual RP behind your character. The story seems to clash with what I see the actual character do. Bring the two together.

Azhelak – tragedy + love story = winner, and really pushed to the front by the fact that you’ve built the character around this role with your flaws, edges, cabal, class choices.

Bholur – deleted

Otaki – Wow. Lots of words. If you’re going to chronicle everything that happens to your character, make sure to tie in insight on what all this means to the character.

Gembu – We had some difficulty following this role. The Cliff notes helped, but you actually had the opposite problem Hilamar did.

Kraldinor – the last name thing is just too funny, though not the reason you won. Good story all around, and nicely updated frequently with things that actually affect, change, and matter to the character.

Quetzal – I love you but stream of consciousness roles are challenging to the spectators. Consider adding a chapter with some more insight.

Chisantus – this role is a little cliché. Perfectly workable but not a huge standout when it gets tossed into the RC pile.

Goranek – this is a very well written role and makes a lot of sense for your character. It’s funny the way you wrote love into it about how much you love your sphere.

Dronkylitus – you deleted. Boo.

Etion – I might have picked this but you need to work your dark elfiness into it a little more. Great read though, and I love a unique Rayihn role.

Buereunus - The role explains the character very well, but it wasn’t a contender compared to some of the others.

Shamise – this is a fun concept and really well written. I’m looking forward to seeing how it all plays out. Don’t forget your updates and I won’t be surprised at all if this gets picked for a later contest.

Esera – The first chapter is great with a really interesting concept, but subsequent chapters don’t hold up as well to the first.

Aiala – tragic love story! Daev’s kind of thing, but this one was somewhere in the middle of the entrants.

Rotarmos – deleted

Jehno – Daevryn kids don’t like love! The writing is good here, but didn’t fit the theme and fell under some of the other contenders.

Gredoor – unique battle role is always a win! Just wasn’t a *win* in this case.

Dalrenan – This is a solid start. In the future, consider explaining how religion really fits in your life if you’re a priest.

Deward – I’m sorry. We just didn’t get it. I don’t mind roles that go veering off in a crazed direction but you need to give something to the reader that makes them understand what you’re doing, even if it’s just a little ooc chapter with some cliff notes.

Nerplunkt – this role does a great job explaining your character.

Itijinithili – This covers all the bases for what the character is and what you’re going for, but needs a little more oomph to be pushed into contention for a win.

Daymond – good role, but consider that Thera does have its own culture and history and that while it’s great to be unique, it still should make sense when placed into Thera.

Varkna – Story role is great, but remember that a role is intended to give the reader insight to the character. I want to understand what you’re going to do and what you’re made of.

Zaurn – Yay tragic love story!! Enjoyable read, but fell just under the winners here.

Koumahtel – A little similar to Chisantus here. A perfectly functional role that explains what the character is and why it is what it is, but needs a little boost of uniqueness to put it up to role contest winning.

Rydell – this role definitely gives insight to the character. Keep up with the updates!

Brahm – Great love story with a happy ending. Awww.

Fuarg – I’m sorry, I couldn’t read this. Please put some breaks in those walls of texts.

Bosephus – deleted!

Gamarik – This is a nice story. I’m not sure all the dots quite connect though. Hopefully that’ll be fixed in future updates.

Dothu – Reasonable story that explains why you are what you are. Needs more meat to be a contender.

Maliga – this story could have been told a little more succinctly. This was a lot of chapters to get the point across. Consider a little editing in the future, or again a little cliff notes chapter to help the reader out in understanding where you’re going.

I'd like to point out that I was almost useless in putting together this commentary, because the notes I took while doing my read of the roles for judging were merciless.

If we shot you an email, could we possibly get the merciless notes as well? Don't think everyone would like to see them put out broadly, but I'm always looking for ways to improve my character, and sometimes the brutal notes are the best.

Hilamar

Thanks!

Always shoot first and then call whatever you hit the target.

I actually appreciate the constructive criticism.

It's something I can work with as opposed to something that I just feel is unfair.

So no complaints from me.

Thanks again for doing this.

Everytime I get a little insight into how much work you guys put in behind the scene..it really blows me away.

Thank you for the feedback on the roles, sometimes it is difficult to know what the Immortals are looking for in roles.

As for the Cliff Notes, what exactly are you looking for? Like a brief summary of what is in the large (2-3 chapter) roles, or just points of what the character is about?

I'd like to get this done before I add the next four chapters I've been working on. *innocently whistles a tune*

As always, thanks again! For your time at the contest and everything you bring to the game.

Hilamar

I'd look over some previous role contest winners but maybe for every 5 chapters (Or whatever seems like an appropriate blank) add in a "Cliff notes" chapter.

** Parents were eaten by Tribunal beast call wolves

** Was raised in orphanage in Balator and the mean nun who raised him would constantly tell him about the evils of the unruly, and always talk about how his parents bit it cause of chaotic Outlanders

** Joined Trib to avenge parents

** Personality quirks are as follows
--- Kind to a fault and especially protective of children and those with families
--- Spends his free time taking care of the orphanage



OK that's a quick example, but something like that is very helpful for giant roles.

Out of curiosity, and with the understanding that yours is only one opinion out of many, to what extent are you "okay" with brief get-right-to-the-point roles as opposed to long creative writing projects?

Say, five or six paragraphs as an initial role entry.

My get to the point roles are over in two paragraphs (and net 500 exp every time), my long story roles don't get as far as five or six.

that is a lot of roles to read.

I actually decided to put up comments because this month seemed pretty light. Usually it's 50-60 entrants, this one was a measly 35.

I'd already entered before I knew about the love angle. Had I read that first I wouldn't have entered as I song have a love angle in my role.

Nevertheless I got some useful feedback that I can put to use, so thanks.

Orb told me there are only 50 players though! Must be lots of double posts and every single person posting to the RC

Anyway, kudos to immortals for reading through that much fluff. Not you though, only 35! for shame heh.