What do people think makes a great description? Not just acceptable, or even just better than average, but really outstanding.

Post a pbf link, or paste one you've written or seen on someone.

I'll start with Yanacek's
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=31&topic_id=851&mesg_id=851&page=

Probably not "exceptional" but I thought some of mine were okay. The ones in the PBFs are all the "elderly" versions that I added once the characters hit old age.

Nhiala:
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=31&topic_id=3210&mesg_id=3210&listing_type=search

Waserax:
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=31&topic_id=15146&mesg_id=15146&listing_type=search

Mizfara: (kind of "meh")
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=31&topic_id=21554&mesg_id=21554&listing_type=search

Kasir:
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=31&topic_id=25155&mesg_id=25155&listing_type=search

Ageryn: (this one incorporated aspects of my role)
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=31&topic_id=30746&mesg_id=30746&listing_type=search

Sulye: (this one is especially "meh")
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=31&topic_id=29234&mesg_id=29234&listing_type=search

Sivyh:
http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=31&topic_id=36677&mesg_id=36677&listing_type=search

Orkel the orc is here.
The baker is here taking some loaves out of the oven.

civilized <100%hp 100%m 98%mv 1535tnl (67.20%)>
L ORK
orcl stands here. 6 feet tall and weighing in at 2000
pounds. he's a prize fighter from the north
he wears boxing gloves on his neck they were once golden
but being an orc he is always in rubbish
and so they are dirty now. a shield of armor
drapes his body like the snow that fell on a mountain
and not been touched for many days. he has many axes each
has a story to tell some are of northern
make others are from the south. one from the east too.
they hold the blood and danger of the wild ones he battled.

his hair is long and blonde and he blue eyes twinkle with a
berserker rage that is unstable yet beautiful
like a snowstorm in winter before an avalanche.
the sun shines brightly on this warrior of savage
and cunning.

pendant around neck
ORCL
Orkel, a male orc, is in perfect health.

Orkel is using:
<worn on finger> a ring made of gnome bones
<worn on finger> (Magical) (Glowing) a golden ring with a spider-shaped ruby
<worn around neck> (Humming) the obsidian symbol of Talshidirus
<worn around neck> (Humming) the obsidian symbol of Talshidirus
<worn on body> a suit of black chainmail
<worn on head> a spiked bear skull
<worn on face> a spiked mask
<worn on legs> a set of polished iron legplates
<worn on feet> midnight dragon boots
<worn on hands> (Glowing) a pair of Arborian gauntlets
<worn on arms> a set of polished iron armplates
<worn about body> a cloak of wyvern leather
<worn about waist> a polished iron girth
<worn around wrist> a bracer of gray leather
<worn around wrist> a serpent-scale bracer
<mainhand wielded> a chain flail
<offhand wielded> a Battleaxe named "Lightning Rod"

civilized <100%hp 100%m 98%mv 1535tnl (67.20%)>



















I've never been able to love a desc. since I read this.

That was no boatboatboat.
Nor was it Meh et yuh tu.

The dynamics of that desc are bringing me to read his role if pbfed.

http://forums.carrionfields.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=31&topic_id=29510&mesg_id=29510&page=1

no text.

There, I've just done a real life description of myself. I don't expect these to replace descriptions all together, but supplement them and allow you to highlight something that would suggest someone should read your description. Like Zynzyn's goggle emotes were supposed to I imagine.

And here I make someone angry by commenting that I've found that most good writers do very little in the way of actually describing the looks of their characters. Since it springs to mind, take Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden.

This is the main character, and all I can say for 100% certain after reading all the books to date is he is tall (6'10" ish though I don't think it ever says so), kind of angular of face (I think it mentions his nose being largeish) and basically gangly. He likes to wear a leather duster. Everything else descriptive about this character is what in CF would be considered EQ. Blasting rod, Staff, Pentacle amulet, Kinetic Force rings, revolver. I "know" what he looks like in my head, but no author would spend

On the flip side, there are authors that describe everything in minute detail. They are generally considered boring. I can't think of a modern author that would spend 24 lines just describing their main character. 3 lines in a row is stretching it.

Of course, if you are writing a novel, you have the option of adding in a line or feature here and there over the course of a novel, thus expanding the view without boring the reader. Your CF character has no such luxury. Not only is your description generally short enough that someone might actually read it (and we've all trained ourselves not to really read in CF, but to skim to gather important bits), but also it has to compete with EQ which comes right after and is generally more interesting/important/shiny.

I'm not trying to argue that we should not have desc's or anything. I'm going to try to do better with my own, but ideally you would try to get across 1 distinct feature in a description and it would be no longer that 3 lines. Anything else is just too long IMHO. The story of CF isn't about what characters look like, it is about the plot and who they are. That is all stuff that comes out in role and role play more effectively than any description.

Also, I dare you to describe someone you know extremely well in more than 3 sentence out loud. Feel how awkward that is?

Insert mini-rant about multi-line directional look descriptions. Looking at you Enpolad.

When you have brief off, I believe you see something like:

Zynzyn the arial is here.

but with brief on, you just see:

Zynzyn is here.

Which seems silly. I think CF would be better served by a custom long-description like:

Zynzyn the owl-like arial with bulging yellow eyes and brown feathers is here.

then by the current description policy. I'm not trying to say we shouldn't have longer descriptions or anything like that, but if it was one line like this, it might actually be noticed and use by players to increase their role play, rather than the current descriptions which IMO don't get noticed/used as often.

I recognize this would require work code-wise and approval (like lastnames?) which is an increased burden on Imm Staff time, but it might be worth it.

You never even read my description, clearly!

perhaps with a little modification,

Enclosed the long-description with commas, so that it's easy to parse.

E.g.
Zynzyn the arial, owl-like with bulging yellow eyes and brown feathers, is here.

I'm also disappointed there has been no Imm response. Instead of just complaining about writing new desc, which is something I don't particularly care for doing, I suggest something that I think would add value and not be a particularly increased burden on immstaff (since they'd be check desc's anyways) once the coding was in place.

So I'm basically shamelessly bumping my own thread to hopefully get some comments. Also because I want the original desc PSA thread to go away because whatever value there has been realized, and it is now just a bitch-fest where Imms and players are likely to end up being frustrated with each other.

Also... I'm not the only one who didn't read Zynzyn's description at all. He was apparently black feathered and be-goggled.