I've been playing this game a long time. I'm not first age material, but I'm definitely in the older tier. I should start out by saying that I am a competitive person in whatever I do. Even in CF, no matter what align I am playing, I am man enough to say "Good game" (or its equivalent) to people that spank my char six ways from silly.

The downside to that competitiveness is that, even though I can be publicly graceful about losses, it really grinds me inside. It seems to be happening more and more often lately. I can't seem to get into a character because I am contantly measuring myself against other players. I have devoted so much time to this game trying out tactics, reading logs, speaking with better players. I don't feel that I am getting back what I put into it in the PK department. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to try myself against multiple opponents. I don't think I'm setting the bar too high for myself. I don't want to be a Marcus or a Jinroh or a Nepenthe. It'd be nice, but unrealistic.

Part of the reason I don't make high level characters anymore is because I have been unable to compete at the high ranks. I know preps and usually use them for my fights, but no go. After a death and a full loot*, I am not the type of player that can slap on some skull rings and practice swords and kill for a new set. It just doesn't happen. If I was, I'd definitely play a lot more balls-to-the wall than I do now.

As for the RP aspect, I'm just not sure where I want to be on that. I don't really have much interest in creating a "living" role anymore. If I even write one, it's a backstory and I leave it at that. It seems that everytime I've bothered to write creatively and add to it, I've gotten nothing for it, not even a sense of personal enjoyment. I can't fault the IMMs, just my bad luck. I wrote what I thought was a great living role for Scion a couple of years ago, right when their IMMs were deleting so that went nowhere. I wrote another great role/RP scheme for a Scarab thief right as Scar was going dormant again (see history board). It's simply not worth my time anymore.

Despite all this, I still have been logging in a ####-ton of hours in my summer of unemployment, hoping to find that spark again. It's just not there. I haven't played a truly enjoyable character in the past two years.

Suggestions welcome.

Thanks.

Nivek

*Aside on full looting: My opinion is that if you lose, all your stuff is the winner's stuff to do with as he pleases. If they decide to full loot, so be it.

Everyone is going to give you great ideas and suggestions, take them if you want. In the end, you play with your heart...if it is weak and heart and ego have a problem losing a fight and gear, you will always have a problem. Should you become unbeatable, I like to believe you would be bored after a time.

If I remember correctly, you and another player were running characters who wanted to be Scarabs...the prays to do dormant god always bother me and stick in my mind. Just poor timing...I have had similar luck, not only with Scarab, but with almost every immortal or cabal out there...just bad luck.

I would say, lose the expectations on your performance. Play the game as you desire, worry about winning another day, in another life. It is often amazing upon reading folks roles and descriptions (and I read a lot of them), how many of them are 'natural killers' and veritable pk machines against the Light, Evils, mages killed my family, necros summoned my lumberjack family for their own healing, and so on. Most of these basic as well as the in-depth roles, never fully manifest, it is a guide for living. It is what the player would like to be in their best of all world.

Above all, if it's not fun, don't do it.

Good luck.

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http://blackmarquessa.blogspot.com/
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A friend of mine and I had a long discussion about that recently. Not playing roles that neccesitate being an uber badass. I deleted the best char I ever had (Bjai) because my pk performance did not live up to what my role dictated. That gets frustrating, now I just relegate myself to roles that don't need awesome pk statistics to RP effectively.

Thats what was cool about Dulmisa, she really WAS the kiss of death, and really was the uberassassin. She didn't need to rp that as much as just do her thing.

"New payment options w/ Iron Realms"

>The downside to that competitiveness is that, even though I
>can be publicly graceful about losses, it really grinds me
>inside.

One thought there is to set yourself PK goals that aren't necessarily 'least deaths', although I can freely admit that I've gotten stuck in that rut now and again myself. You look at a guy like Marcus, who you mentioned -- that's not a guy that runs a small number of deaths, typically. He dies all over the place; he just kills six to ten people (or whatever) for each time he does. No player really racks up huge kill counts without dying as a matter of course. I know I don't; there are characters which are exceptions, and I always kill more than I die, but I'm reasonably sure that the standard you're aspiring to isn't one I typically reach.

>Part of the reason I don't make high level characters anymore
>is because I have been unable to compete at the high ranks. I
>know preps and usually use them for my fights, but no go.
>After a death and a full loot*, I am not the type of player
>that can slap on some skull rings and practice swords and kill
>for a new set. It just doesn't happen. If I was, I'd
>definitely play a lot more balls-to-the wall than I do now.

This is a little class dependent, or maybe it's a combination of class and player. I know players who can do the skull rings and practice sword approach to regearing a warrior; I generally can't make that work. Give me a mage / shaman / assassin and it's a very different story. There may be a niche for you too in this respect.

Keep in mind that there's a lot better stuff in shops now than there were years ago. I always forget about it, because I come from the old school and am not used to thinking of shops as useful in regearing, but you really can cut your regear-to-passable time down a lot now by banking some money and spending it to get rolling again.

Another thought is a cabal. I might be mistaken or thinking of the wrong person, but don't you generally play uncaballed characters? A cabal is going to force you into fights that aren't good for you, and will probably get you killed more (although, this probably will also help you improve faster), but a cabal is generally a big help in getting a decent set together again fast, between having a cabal pit to check, possibly additional cabal shops, and ready allies. Obviously you don't want to be the guy who is constantly begging others to dress you, but with a cabal it's pretty easy to be like... hey, I'm regearing myself, and I really could use help to get this one key piece of gear. Most people won't begrudge you that.

>As for the RP aspect, I'm just not sure where I want to be on
>that. I don't really have much interest in creating a
>"living" role anymore. If I even write one, it's a backstory
>and I leave it at that. It seems that everytime I've bothered
>to write creatively and add to it, I've gotten nothing for it,
>not even a sense of personal enjoyment.

Role contest rewards are generally a lot bigger/better than they were a year or two ago, if that's any enticement. Some truly cool things go out each time.

Instead of coming up with an elaborate backstory to what ends up being a bland sort of character, consider trying this: come up with a character trait that actually seems fun to RP to you, then write a short role about that and go with it. Or, write up a role that justifies that character trait.

My favorite roles are usually very grounded in Thera and the whole CF-mythology. Consider taking something about the game/world that from a realism perspective makes no sense at all, and then craft a role that explains why it makes perfect sense. (Think: Marvel No-Prize, if you're familiar with the concept.)

Another idea is to really play against type and play a class, alignment, or cabal that you'd never normally play. Even for a cabal you hate, there's probably some ridiculous take on it that you could stomach, even if it isn't optimal. Go with it and play the hell out of it. I remember a conversation I once had with Gareth (who notoriously hated Arbiters/Tribunal, and probably still does) about playing an Honorbound-ish Arbiter who would never use his guards to fight in-range criminals/anyone, and who would chase out of range criminals around with only a single guard so as to provide a one-on-one fight.

>One thought there is to set yourself PK goals that aren't
>necessarily 'least deaths', although I can freely admit that
>I've gotten stuck in that rut now and again myself. You look
>at a guy like Marcus, who you mentioned -- that's not a guy
>that runs a small number of deaths, typically. He dies all
>over the place; he just kills six to ten people (or whatever)
>for each time he does. No player really racks up huge kill
>counts without dying as a matter of course. I know I don't;
>there are characters which are exceptions, and I always kill
>more than I die, but I'm reasonably sure that the standard
>you're aspiring to isn't one I typically reach.

I'd be thrilled to go 60-10.

>>Part of the reason I don't make high level characters
>anymore
>>is because I have been unable to compete at the high ranks.
>I
>>know preps and usually use them for my fights, but no go.
>>After a death and a full loot*, I am not the type of player
>>that can slap on some skull rings and practice swords and
>kill
>>for a new set. It just doesn't happen. If I was, I'd
>>definitely play a lot more balls-to-the wall than I do now.
>
>This is a little class dependent, or maybe it's a combination
>of class and player. I know players who can do the skull
>rings and practice sword approach to regearing a warrior; I
>generally can't make that work. Give me a mage / shaman /
>assassin and it's a very different story. There may be a
>niche for you too in this respect.

I am having trouble finding that niche. Binder thief maybe, but after the 6th one in a row or so.... And even then, I was successful into the 30s. Higher than that was asking for trouble.

>
>Keep in mind that there's a lot better stuff in shops now than
>there were years ago. I always forget about it, because I
>come from the old school and am not used to thinking of shops
>as useful in regearing, but you really can cut your
>regear-to-passable time down a lot now by banking some money
>and spending it to get rolling again.

With you on the old school thing there, but I will look into it or at the least ask around.

>Another thought is a cabal. I might be mistaken or thinking
>of the wrong person, but don't you generally play uncaballed
>characters?

I'd say half and half, though I deleted my last two caballed characters each within 10 game hours of getting inducted.

>A cabal is going to force you into fights that
>aren't good for you, and will probably get you killed more

This is exactly the reason.

>Role contest rewards are generally a lot bigger/better than
>they were a year or two ago, if that's any enticement. Some
>truly cool things go out each time.

Maybe. I felt a little snubbed when my last great role failed to garner even a mention, but as you said, that was a year or two ago.

>Instead of coming up with an elaborate backstory to what ends
>up being a bland sort of character, consider trying this:
>come up with a character trait that actually seems fun to RP
>to you, then write a short role about that and go with it.
>Or, write up a role that justifies that character trait.
>
>My favorite roles are usually very grounded in Thera and the
>whole CF-mythology. Consider taking something about the
>game/world that from a realism perspective makes no sense at
>all, and then craft a role that explains why it makes perfect
>sense. (Think: Marvel No-Prize, if you're familiar with the
>concept.)
>
>Another idea is to really play against type and play a class,
>alignment, or cabal that you'd never normally play. Even for
>a cabal you hate, there's probably some ridiculous take on it
>that you could stomach, even if it isn't optimal. Go with it
>and play the hell out of it.

Good suggestions, thanks.

Don't try to jump right back in and expect to beat ass as much as you did when you left. Play something you KNOW you're familiar with and have heroed before easily. Even recycle an old role idea or adapt an old role for your character. Do something that you don't have to put hours and hours into, just have fun running around doing what you enjoy or enjoyed in the past. Usually halfway through these characters I get inspired to play something better, or try something new that looks badass.