Tue Jan 25 21:04:03 2005

At 2 o'clock AM, Day of the Great Gods, 26th of the Month of the Spring
on the Theran calendar Shazirah perished, never to return.

I really enjoyed mostly everything you brought to the game. Thank you for being an excellent roleplaying in most instances.

My last foray into the real of CF was a gnome warrior named Melfie. I was a pretty good bartender, and was always doing what I could to entertain the bar guests. But.. I didn't have time to run an event. (real life issues, work, a young daughter) I just couldn't garauntee that I was going to be able to be totally focused in hosting any kind of event during peak hours! Anyway, you might remember, I was removed from the cabal.

Needless to say, I understand your point of view, but if Herald isn't the cabal where you can just log in and play and enjoy yourself without needing to worry about how long you stay in.. what is?

Is this type of player discouraged from enjoying CF? I haven't played a character since. I'm just not able to put in the consecutive time it takes to make the leaders of any cabal happy.. And I don't really like the solitude of an uncaballed character. I play a game like this to interact with other people.



I hate to bring this up in your goodbye post. I'm sorry. As an Imm and the mortals I knew you with, you were among the best and finest. I hope you return to bring your creative spark back..

Thorny

I really liked Melfie, and I'm sorry you didn't have the time to dedicate to her. Unfortunately Herald is a cabal where presence and action is just as important as in any other cabal.

I saw a lot of things from Melfie that I thought made her a good Herald, but when the time started dwindling, she really didn't do much of anything that made her seem caballed. Lots of training/practicing, not much Heralding. I don't necessarily have a problem with people who can only play X amount of time, as long as they make that time quality in the cabal. There are dozens of ways to contribute to Herald without spending massive amounts of time, and I just never saw it.

I understand why you're upset, but can you tell me what you did during your scarce logins that made you a Herald and not just an uncaballed bar fly? Sometimes it's as simple as that. I did give you possibilities to join, and I had hoped you would follow through with that, but in the end you didn't.

I suppose I just don't remember it that way. As I remember, I made it quite a point to be an entertainer in the Inn atmosphere, using my 'tinker' RP angle to entertain and just basically roleplay. You say I didn't Herald, I say I did, and who knows, it's probably a mix of the two.

I suppose we both have different ideas on what Herald should be about, and that is where our conflict occurs. I don't think either of us is wrong, just one view against another. My only purpose of posting was to throw out that in my view, a 'de-milified*' HERALD might be another idea and way to make it to be more accessible to the people that don't log in so much.

I am certainly not upset, how could I be? Please don't mistake me for being upset. I am one of the people that are/were ever greatful for the great people of Carrionfields and what it has become. And this includes you, even if I think one of my opinions might help out too :p

Thanks for listening...
Melfie

de-milified = Less militant. In this case with regards to doing Heraldy stuff. I'm pretty sure I made this word up.

I guess you could say this is a long time coming. The past year or so I've been contemplating this action, but the last three months have really clinched it for me. I'm sure some of you will throw out your conspiracy theories of immortal discontent; don't bother. While there may have been days of anger and resentment between myself and other imms concerning various aspects of the game, that is not even remotely the reason for my departure. There is a time and place for everything, and my time is now.

I know a lot of people, willingly or otherwise, took a chance on me by allowing me to imm. Few had very little reason to believe in me, or to believe I'd matured and grown away from being a bratty, manipulative and self-pitying 20-year old. I always told myself that I would stay as long as it took to prove to those people that I had grown up. At some point though, I realized that the faceless people I was trying to impress really meant nothing to me. That's when it became clear that the only person I had anything to prove to was myself. Coincidentally, that was also the hardest person to convince.

But it's more than that. I've spent the last nine years contributing to this game, be it as a mortal or immortal. I won't deny that there have been some good times. I've met and become friends with some great people that I might never have known otherwise. Let's face it though; nine years is a lot of time to spend pretending to be people you're not, and I just don't have it in me anymore. It's just time for me to be me.

So to the immortal staff,
Thank you. Thank you for the opportunity, and eventually the support and confidence in my actions as a member of the staff. I don't think I disappointed anyone too badly, nor made my imming a regrettable offense. Thanks for the friendships and the rivalries, too.

To the mortals,
Be good to your imms even if you don't always agree. Change is inevitable, and I know sometimes we don't like those changes. Even I disagreed with them on more than one occasion. We need to remember something though - these people work tirelessly to improve the game. They donate so much time and energy, so much so that some don't even have the time to truly enjoy the fruits of their labor.

To the Herald cabal,
I'm sorry most of all to you. Sorry for being absent at a time when you needed immortal presence and leadership the most. I'm sorry I couldn't get done all the things I had hoped to do for you. I didn't intend to leave things hanging this way. At the very least I had hoped to restore the cabal back to better days, but I'm afraid I have to pass that torch onto someone else.

Time to start livin', pfffftt!

Amy, a.k.a, Iunna/Shaz!

We said goodbye to a dear old friend
And we packed our bags and left feeling sad
It's the only way
We said hello as we turned the key
A new roof over our heads
Gave a smile it's the only way
Only way

Turn your head and don't look back
Set your sails for a new horizon
Don't turn around don't look down
Oh there's life across the tracks
And you know it's really not surprising
It gets better when you get there

Well it really don't matter much where you are
Cos home is in your heart
It's a feeling that you wake with one day
Some people keep running all their life
And still find they haven't gone too far
They don't see it's the feeling inside - the feeling inside

Turn your head and don't look back
Just set your sails for a new horizon
Don't turn around don't look down
Oh there's life across the tracks
And you know it's really not surprising
It gets better when you get there

We said hello as we turned the key
A new roof over our heads
Gave a smile - it's the only way
-Phil Collins, We Said Hello Goodbye

We said it all earlier.
Thanks, Shazirah.

Eshval's email
BlackMarquessa@gmail.com

Eshval's slightly off-center (unofficial) blog.
http://blackmarquessa.blogspot.com/
Carnivàle
http://cirquecarnivale.wordpress.com/

Bugger! You were awesome to interact with as my past characters and even more so with Kal. It's sad to see you go and even sadder I didnt get the tattoo first. Well whatever you do from here on out I hope you have a great time and a wonderful happy life, and know that you will be greatly missed. Hope the annoying dwarf was fun for you to deal with.

Kalumgar

I'm a little surprised that my interactions impressed you with Kalumgar. I think by the time you came around I was only logging about three hours a week, and half-heartedly at that. I'm sorry I could offer better interaction, but I guess that's the way it goes.

Shaz!

You were one of the prospective immortals to whom I said "Sure, let them immort, I have no problem watching them fail miserably and watching the ensuing train wreck." You proved me wrong. I expected the "bratty, manipulative, self-pitying 20 year old". We got a mature woman who will be missed. Maybe people like me don't do a great job conveying that sort of thing. Sorry. Good luck with whatever.


(paraphrased)
"A player came up to me after one season and said he was leaving my team. He said, 'I'm going to go find myself'. I said, 'Whenever you do, you're going to be disappointed.'"
- Pete Carill

I remember reading that somewhere, and it was just one of a bunch of things that caused me to buckle down and work hard. Here's hoping my departure as an imm doesn't mean I can't still kick your ass in fantasy baseball.

I first met Iunna with a character I had no freaken clue what I was doing with. I wasn't into the character, I hadn't even gotten his personality down. I screwed up my interview badly, and changed professions in the middle of it and yet you still inducted me. Yep, I'm talking about Sreafth. I have no idea why you inducted me, but it was the start of me getting into character, and well, what a character Sreafth turned out to be, thank you.

The next character I interacted you with was of course Esfergref, it wasn't much..but what there was was great. I still remember jumping around in my displacer beast ouftit, jiggling my tentacles and all of a sudden I get EXP and a lastname. Again, thank you.

This couldn't come at a worst time! I was all geared up to roll a Shazirah follower, I knew out of every other imm, I wanted to follow you at least once...ah well, too late now, huh?

Thank you for everything you've done for me, and heralds in general. I've played other cabals but I always end up back in heralds after a while. With Arvam still MIA this leaves a big void...one that will be damn hard to fill. Good luck with this "life" thing Shaz. And think of me whenever you see the blue jays get their asses wooped next year!

>I first met Iunna with a character I had no freaken clue what
>I was doing with. I wasn't into the character, I hadn't even
>gotten his personality down. I screwed up my interview badly,
>and changed professions in the middle of it and yet you still
>inducted me. Yep, I'm talking about Sreafth. I have no idea
>why you inducted me, but it was the start of me getting into
>character, and well, what a character Sreafth turned out to
>be, thank you.

Whenever I think about the good ole days, I think of Jashere, Sreafth, Dalnik and Dieca. Those were some damn good times.

>The next character I interacted you with was of course
>Esfergref, it wasn't much..but what there was was great. I
>still remember jumping around in my displacer beast ouftit,
>jiggling my tentacles and all of a sudden I get EXP and a
>lastname. Again, thank you.

Heh, I interacted with you more than you knew, but not as an imm.

>This couldn't come at a worst time! I was all geared up to
>roll a Shazirah follower, I knew out of every other imm, I
>wanted to follow you at least once...ah well, too late now,
>huh?

Yeah, well. I didn't often get followers but usually when I did they were damn good ones. I'm sorry I'm missing the chance to have one of yours follow me.

>Thank you for everything you've done for me, and heralds in
>general. I've played other cabals but I always end up back in
>heralds after a while. With Arvam still MIA this leaves a big
>void...one that will be damn hard to fill. Good luck with this
>"life" thing Shaz. And think of me whenever you see the blue
>jays get their asses wooped next year!

But the Jays have Koskie! The prayer has been answered!

sd

I could see the brat in you. It was always in a good light though. You stuck to your guns regardless of what anyone else had to say. You had my respect and I thought you were always a good member of the staff. Good luck.

I doubt you'd remember my character but I'd like to say a few nice things nonetheless. I greatly enjoyed the few interactions I had with you and felt you added a considerable amount to the game. You were both inspiring and comforting at times and I know that many learned a great deal from you and continued to improve in all aspects of the game as a direct result of interacting with you.

Funny, I interacted with both Iunna and Shaz and I never would have guessed it was the same player. At any rate I just wanted to give my hearty thanks for all that you brought to the game. Outstanding work and good luck with whatever comes next.

nt

There have been very few things (actually only two) that have made me come to this site since I quit playing (when Cadothu died) and when I heard you deleted, well... That just sucks.

From way back when you inducted my first hero (Claustren) into Heralds, to giving me the best time I've ever had with an empowerment char (Odelius) to lecturing me and keeping me in line as (Cadothu), I've always enjoyed having you around. Sorry I gave you so much grief when it seemed like a soap opera and every Herald was mud-sex happy... I partook in it because I was curious and sorry for contributing. I dont have any of my CF logs anymore, but I remember that one time I came to talk with you as Cadothu and caught you wearing the "Heralds, not Whores" sign around your neck. I was cracking up. I hope you the best with whatever you do now and thank you so much for all the fun times and opportunities you've given me. I always wanted to get High Herald, but a tattoo and title was good enough for me to stop playing CF.

Have fun in the real world.

I'm not sure how to react, but here goes.

IC, Shazirah was awesome. I loved her thoroughly, and she seemed very attentive and genuinely interested in my character. You really knew how to love your people, even if I never did get a title.
OOC, you were helpful via e-mails and battlefield thread replies, and that personal OOC interaction is very much appreciated as well.

I've been sensing doom on the Herald front since Karzalynn. But y'know, its just a game. In all my interactions with you in the past three months, IC and OOC, you've constantly hinted that things in real life weren't going so well. But Life goes on, and this game is a pathetic substitute for it. I wish you the best, always.

I'd have a musical quote for you... but you know I can't think of one. So sleep well tonight, Amy.

Adam

Splntrd

>I'm not sure how to react, but here goes.
>
>IC, Shazirah was awesome. I loved her thoroughly, and she
>seemed very attentive and genuinely interested in my
>character. You really knew how to love your people, even if I
>never did get a title.
>OOC, you were helpful via e-mails and battlefield thread
>replies, and that personal OOC interaction is very much
>appreciated as well.

When you manage as few people as I did, it's easy to pay attention to them. Having a small religion and a small cabal afforded me those opportunities. I wish I could've continued on, but the drive was gone.

>I've been sensing doom on the Herald front since Karzalynn.
>But y'know, its just a game. In all my interactions with you
>in the past three months, IC and OOC, you've constantly hinted
>that things in real life weren't going so well. But Life goes
>on, and this game is a pathetic substitute for it. I wish you
>the best, always.

Real life is... it's always there. It's up to us to embrace it. I've had some bad times the past three months, but now I'm on a stretch of really good times. Ultimately it was a combination of good, bad, and ugly that kept me away long enough for me to realize I just didn't need to spend my time here anymore.

I s'pose I'll say it officially...when word came up through the ranks that you were re-imming, I was a little worried. However, shortly after you were back, it was definately a good thing. You did a lot for CF, and a lot of it goes unsung...so it goes, so it goes. Anyway, I'm not going to get goofy and say 'goodbye!' or anything...since I'll probably still chat with you as often as I do now

So long, and thanks for all the pffts!

"you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now
don't,let yourself down
don't let yourself go"
- Muse

You rock.

I've known you with SO many characters over the years. I just...wow. I can't even imagine you being gone. All these years, all the characters, all the drinks. *sigh* You really will be missed.

Especially since my current character was actively looking for you. Lol. Ahh well, time to rack the old brains again.

Seriously, take care of yourself. Don't stay away for too long, because that would suck a lot.

>Especially since my current character was actively looking for
>you. Lol. Ahh well, time to rack the old brains again.

Oops. I didn't think I was leaving too many people hanging.

>Seriously, take care of yourself. Don't stay away for too
>long, because that would suck a lot.

On the contrary, I think it would suck a lot if I came back soon. :p

Are you -that- Amy?

I've always liked both of your immortal creations. One was a bit hard to deal with at times, but you always came across as fun and elusive. I sat down last week trying to figure out a good direction to go with a Shazirah follower, but it looks like time did not side with me on this one. Good luck, the real world is much more joyful than this one.

You did have one heck of a reputation, though. :)

Yeah, I suppose I did. With some of the rumors I heard, I'm not sure "that" Amy ever existed. I guess they start somewhere though, even if it's a grain of truth in a vat of sea salt.

They all said "she's just another groupie slut"
and I said I thought you were anything but
think again, sometimes reputations outlive their applications
and sometimes fires don’t go out, when yer done playing with them
-Coyote Shivers, Sugar High

I just want to throw my thanks out there. You made my sessions meaningful and fun. You were always willing to talk, whether to kid around or to help me out. In the short time I knew you, I was definately impressed with your willingness to help out the heroimms and interact with morts. I wish you luck and meaning in your life.

-Gary

My first impression of you was pretty negative, but you changed my mind quickly. You're a pretty cool cat, and good luck in immland.

Well that kinda sucks. Believe it or not I'm going to miss having you around, all those good discussions on the merits of RP and powergaming =P Seriously though, despite having personality clashes here and there, I liked you and thought you did good stuff. Anyone who can be a herald imm for as long as you is a-okay in my book ;}

I most thank you for some of my best cfexperiences. You and Dieca showed me heralds can be fun and I've allways thought twice before killing one in the future... I still got that log from when you called me in to the lyceum and I was sure I was going to get booted for not being a good enough Herald but that didn't happen, something much cooler happened. Good luck and all that!

"Let's face it though; nine years is a lot of time to spend pretending to be people you're not, and I just don't have it in me anymore. It's just time for me to be me."

This line sums up the truth of all of us who play CF. Reality isn't always the best medicine and I think thats why you find more and more people escaping it, whether it be through drugs, games, or drunken stupor. Good luck with everything, you sound like your own personal journey is coming full circle. Best of luck with everything.

So to the immortal staff,
Thank you. Thank you for the opportunity, and eventually the support and confidence in my actions as a member of the staff. I don't think I disappointed anyone too badly, nor made my imming a regrettable offense.

Not in the least. Actually, you're one of my standard examples when discussing bringing a former staff member back- people change and mature, and you did a whip-ass job your second time around.

From an imm perspective, I especially enjoyed your colorful writing style and contributions to the Heralds. You were your own worst critic, but I think this had everything to do with having very high standards for your work.

I hope this doesn't mean you'll skip out on Fantasy Baseball 2005. We have a score to settle, yo.

valguarnera@carrionfields.com

>I hope this doesn't mean you'll skip out on Fantasy Baseball
>2005. We have a score to settle, yo.

Bring it on, Lady Valguarnera.

Bring it on, Lady Valguarnera.

Have no fear. I fully intend to once again pound you like a tough steak, chiquita, no matter how many players from the Minnesota Yankees' Farm System you draft.

valguarnera@carrionfields.com

I know how you feel with life and such, I'm glad things are working out for you now.

As for being active and such, you'll be missed because I knew (however how poor my rp or take on your religion was) you'd be around and active if I sought you out which is something I couldn't say about many other imms.

Things do change with time, here's to hoping they change for the better.

Istirith.

Contact info for the supremely bored. Or for people wanting to invite me to whoop ass in their fantasy baseball leagues. Har.

hobbled@hotmail.com

*sigh* I only had one character follow you, but it was an enjoyable one. Even if I did sort of take your religion and turn it around abit, I hope you enjoyed Janakt's perspective on it. I saved one or two of our interactions, do you mind if I post them?

Anyways, good luck with whatever's next. Thought you did a bang-up job!

You were far and away my favorite follower for precisely that reason. Most people just took the religion at face value (not that there's anything wrong with that per se), but you took it and put your own spin on it. Post away, if you want.

*sigh*

So Long.

I'm sorry I disappeared from logging in over the past few weeks, especially now since your gone.

I just wanted you to know I always thought highly of you. I knew Iunna for a brief time a while back, but had more interaction with Shazirah.

I liked the way you carried yourself and your basic aura in general.

I won't be able to thank you enough for the opportunities(sp) you've given in with Lophiel, but Thank You. I'll do my best with him, and try to keep things moving.

Farewell,
Lophiel

I remember talking with Kashmira in the Small Room and in the mausoleum too. Good to know you've matured. I have too and I have to say it's awesome. Last week I bought this bag of groceries and the teller was all, 'Dude, with such maturity you swipe that debit.' And I look back and just nod -- yep, little somethin somethin I picked up in a place called Galadon in a land called Thera.

Another time,
Leirin.

Talk about a blast from the past. I wish I could say that CF has helped me mature, but for the most part I think it's probably hindered that process. I could've done it in half the time, I swear. Oh well, eh? Better late than never.

Kashy out, yo.

*curse* Well, damn. Now what do you expect me to do in my time up there? Can't 'try' to pick on you no more and I have no one to tell me how lame the jokes were. *sniffle* I really don't know what to say other than thanks you made things fun and to say sorry I haven't been around to much lately. You'll be missed by many, and good chance I'll be one of them. Do me a favour and catch a bag on fire again for lil ole me and when you do send me a e-mail. Thanks for the fun, and I hope you enjoy your time off.

See ya,

Hope all the things you told me about work out as well as they can. Judging by your good bye, things are turning around, which is good to hear.

Seems like a good decision to me, so have fun and good luck.

Yer friend,
Muuloc

I was really hoping to get back to CFing myself soon but it looks like my chars dying and without the queen of his world around to toss in her opinion


Sorry I wasn't around a lot towards the end but right about now I have to let Jaeiin auto-delete. Its unfortunte but I have no reliable internet access at present and don't intend to get it for another month. (everyone else can just assume Jaeiin dead, I can't log in to delete him)

I hope I gave you a giggle or two... Jaeiin was another one of my 'out-to-have fun' characters. Where I saw a gap in the Outlanders I tried to fill it. Since I'm intent of dying/deleting I'll go ahead and reveal my past chars.

After Optomkiptum I never really found a 'fun' niche in the game, but after I discovered your religion and how awesome it was to be rewarded for having fun my way... you literally couldn't keep me away from the keyboard for love nor money. You were the sole reason for that. In the absence of any directness from the Outlander imms (they're just not the direct kind / absent during my times) you were refreshingly fun to play with. I also finally worked up that almost 'professional' feeling friendship with Jynx (he's so lovable, though I can't place why :s). Amongst other things, you gave some colour to my roleplay with your religion and actually had an awesome wee history yourself. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Rumour has it you write, don't remember where I read that but I do a lot of creative writing outside of work as well as during spare time at work I hope you get to read this, because part of me wants to hope I wake up and this is a dream. We need more religions with interesting quirks like your own. I still can't believe how few followers you had!!

Your adoring fan, IC and OOC,

Jaeiin Ismaere.

PS - Did he have a chance? 'cus Jaeiin was considering a heart-breaking proposal before he kicked it. Kind of out of the blue, but I thought the poor guy must have felt lonely in his later years. Why not propose to an immortal just to see?

I hope I gave you a giggle or two... Jaeiin was another one of
my 'out-to-have fun' characters. Where I saw a gap in the
Outlanders I tried to fill it. Since I'm intent of
dying/deleting I'll go ahead and reveal my past chars.

I really enjoyed your character a lot, and found myself hoping you'd stop by the shrine whenever you were online. Of course you always wanted to hear stories, and if there's one thing I'm not, it's a good storyteller.

Rumour has it you write, don't remember where I read that but
I do a lot of creative writing outside of work as well as
during spare time at work I hope you get to read this,
because part of me wants to hope I wake up and this is a
dream. We need more religions with interesting quirks like
your own. I still can't believe how few followers you had!!

I do write, but not as often as I used to. It's something I'm going to try to return to with my free time (whenever I get some).


PS - Did he have a chance? 'cus Jaeiin was considering a
heart-breaking proposal before he kicked it. Kind of out of
the blue, but I thought the poor guy must have felt lonely in
his later years. Why not propose to an immortal just to see?

He didn't stand a chance. Everyone knew Shaz was Arv's woman.