I fucked up alright?

After sitting back and reading all the posts,
ya I've got my weak points.
-I don't handle punishment (Drucyrus, lose of stuff)
-I don't stick to chars long (I'm under 2 weeks old)
-I love to think I'm right (About everything)
-I get too attached to characters (Every one)

Sheesh, just beat me with the CF bible already.
I'll try and fix it, alright? Sorry if you got
bored at this point in telling me I'm wrong, but
hey I'm trying to get better. This is a lot better
than my first character ever asking Scarabaeus
"Hey, let me in Shadow, it's cool!"

It's the 10% mistakes now, that ruin the 90% of
stuff I do right. As Oddjob put it, I get results,
but I screw them up after I get them. Maybe CF
just isn't my thing to do right, or maybe I'll get
it "right" one day (if there is such a thing). Just
try and give me the shadow of a doubt, and don't add
me to the Arolin Hall of Fame(tm)....I'm better
than I used to be, still a newbie. A pkin-roleplaying-
newbie, but still a newbie.

Damn man, you ever felt so bad about something because
you try and still ##### up? Welcome to my world.

Sorry
Jonathan

Those emails I sent Scarabaeus, the first
was asking if it's plausible to get empowered
by a mob, an honest question. The second was
about a quest in Hamsah.

Jon

>It's the 10% mistakes now, that
>ruin the 90% of
>stuff I do right. As Oddjob
>put it, I get results,
>
>but I screw them up after
>I get them. Maybe
>CF
>just isn't my thing to do
>right, or maybe I'll get
>
>it "right" one day (if there
>is such a thing). Just
>
>try and give me the shadow
>of a doubt, and don't
>add
>me to the Arolin Hall of
>Fame(tm)....I'm better
>than I used to be, still
>a newbie. A pkin-roleplaying-
>newbie, but still a newbie.
>
>Damn man, you ever felt so
>bad about something because
>you try and still ##### up?
>Welcome to my world.

Ugh.. stop with the self depracating crap.

I've never even attempted to play a Scarab. First off, I suck at being evil, and secondly Scarab and Cyradia have me completely intimidated. The Scarab cabal is probably the only type of evil I could play decently. The whole Scarab concept intrigues the hell out of me, but I can't get myself to try it. So when you say that you've been a part of the Scarab cabal a few times I get jealous. So what if you're still tweaking how you play. Learn from your mistakes and find ways to have fun, or leave CF for good. If you're not having fun.. what's the point?

I still continue to make mistakes with my characters, and I've been doing this for over 6 years. (oh for the love of God.. 6 years!!!) I just learn and move on.

Don't worry I won't add you to the Arolin Hall of Fame.

We should start a support group of
"6-year Newbies"

Looking back on what I wrote, ya it
does sound a bit like I beat myself up,
but I expect 100% out of everything else
I do out there. It's odd to be satisfied
with anything below that. My expectations
of playing 6 years is beating Zorszaul,
and I'm fighting to actually make a decent
character.

But aside all that, I learned something
valuable. If your not having fun, don't
play. Ralvenar was fun for pking, but his
roleplaying was too damn boring for me. I
need a character with some humor

Maybe when I come back in a few weeks, I'll
make an entropist or something.

Again, thanks

Jon

Ive tried to stay off the thread because I know you dont like when I chime in during your moments of angst but you mentioned me so I will.

I am not only a card carrying member of the 6 year newbie club, I am also the President. My chars get less imteraction then anyones but I have fun and thats all I can ask I guess. I get my ass kicked, and yes...Ralvenar kicked my ass and You will find out my identity when I kill off this newest addition to a string of flavorless chars.

More then one time in the past (hence why I didnt want to say it again) I have said you should just step back and cool down. I think you attack a char really aggressively and there is nothing wrong with that, you just need to pace yourself. You do get results, I think in part that you are an actor and can really immerse yourself into the nitty gritty of a char. Chars that I have had that got the most results were the ones I really didnt shoot for much, just be the part and it seemed to come. Be it leadership, tattoos, titles, whatever.

This part may sound like any acidic comments ive made towards you in the past:

I would never dream of sending an email to an imm revealing my char or plans I had intended to do with it. Except some imm friends of mine who relate what they are playing and vice versa, same as anybody else. THe emails scarab posted had your regular name on them and werent an email account set up for Ralvenar thereby maintaining illusion as to who was the player. It could just be a different school of thought who knows, but I email imms ideas (for the mud) and nothing else. Again, I have nothing to show for it though.

Anyway It would be great if you would put every sphere into a hat on little pieces of paper, then every race, and class, and cabal..draw and shoot for it. As an actor I know you can do it and it will crack your rut and hopefully the frustration that seems to accompany it.

Oh one more thing...Ill stick up for you on that multikilling thing. You did in fact multikill me, and when i saw you had the initiate title I had to wonder if it was you. Sorry..I'll stop I know you hate it when I point out your chars.

Drop me a line if you want, if not its coo!

ICQ# 14837144

This char was made solely for the purpose of two things
I know best: Bards, and Initiates of the Great Wild Beast.
I put together a decent role, and went off, planning on
doing a lot when I got older...but I relied too much on
Scarabaeus, which in the end, ultimately failed me.

My goodbyes start with the big Andy:

I sent you the email, and was hoping for a response, because
quite honestly, I was kicked from the Cult under the most
pathetic reason ever (I didn't multikill someone, I gave them
a chance to learn). Now, being 3 out of the 4 Initiates of
the Great Wild Beast in all of CF's history that I know of,
you'd think I've have it down by now. Now I can see how I
messed up with the others, Thalen the big downfall, yet Ralvenar
played it to the T for teeth. After having been killed by
Drucyrus, I stuck to it for awhile. Then the endless assault
came from everything: Scions, Cult, Fortress, Sylvan....all
for the Cult which is serious beyond belief. I was tired of
holding the visage of the Beast, so I decided to roleplay
a 180% change to try and salvage a char I was slowly beginning
to hate. With that came more useless playing and killing, so
I deleted before it got out of hand. I can honestly say, after
you fucked over Ivaides by leaving CF, and now getting kicked
from the Cult for not multi-killing someone (which I explained
IN DEPTH how I took it IC), that's it. I can't handle the Cult
it seems, how you want it. I honestly had you in my heart as
the best Imm on CF for the Cult, and now, I guess I don't meet
up in your eyes of a savage beast. (I find it funny, how the
kicking surprised everyone I knew, even Cult members and wannabe
Cult members. I was playing the part, and was tired of trying
to get re-entered for the sole fact, I could get kicked out
again so easily. Not worth it.) Also the switch from Saraba to
Scarabaeus kicking me was real bad. I had IC no idea who the
hell the Father was, besides a member of the Temple. Maybe next
time you should kick me out of the cabal with my Patron.

To the friends in the game:

Drucyrus, your an asshole but a good friend Ya gotta do what
ya gotta do, but killing me because Scarabaeus wanted it, well,
it's your role. Too bad it ended like that.

Khernan, a good Cult member, until the last 5 minutes of my
life when you kill me with Illijin and Vaustrien for returning
an attack from a Scion. I had grouped with you, we had talked
after I was kicked...now suddenly the kill. Pathetic.

Jekasiq, it surprised you as much as it did me, and I think it
must have killed both our ideas of the Cult since we grew up
together. Try again if you want, ZepaLich

Nedrio, thanks for adding that flavor of insanity that kept
me playing. In the end, you must have noticed I was tired of
playing and made a 180% turn. It was fun, too bad we never made
it to making the world dirty

All the Sylvans, Fortress, and others (Nuriel especially):
Being an enemy, then completely turning to being friends, was
hard for a lot of you, but Nuriel took it real well. Great
interaction, hope it made you think twice.

Well I'm done with CF for a break now. Seems I've lost the fun
in CF once again because I'm trying for the "Best" and not what
I want....and next time I won't rely on Scarabaeus, it's already
raped me twice now. Yeah I've had my mistakes, but this is just
wrong.

Aether

CI BRAKUMI LA MALUMA

desc + Heavily shadowed within an ivory-lined jade cloak, the sleeves have been
desc + savagely ripped, the edges frayed and left to blow within the wind. Gigantic
desc + shoulders of an oddly sea-green tint fill the gaping cloak holes and form
desc + into arms of a strength only known to a true madman. Constantly twitching,
desc + the arms bare tightly corded muscles and are flecked with droplets of blood,
desc + dried and unwashed. As you stare deeper into the face of the being, the
desc + shifting of the cloak in the wind allows a small glance into deep almond eyes
desc + that are flared with blood lines. His skin is tightly stretched over his
desc + face, wrinkled above his eyes into a constant angry glare. Adding to the
desc + horrific expression is two lines of grass-colored teeth, sharpened to points
desc + and filled with bits of flesh. As you examine the full figure, the body is
desc + constantly hunched over, as if positioned to lunge upon the unweary.
desc + Eminating from the hood, comes an entrancing almost charming growl...yet as
desc + you see the dark nails draw blood from his own palms in anticipation, you
desc + realize the growl can only be as charming as the wail of the banshee.


role + The rain pounded the small tree home nestled within Emerald Forest. The storm
role + was just beginning as thunder rolled from the clouds and lightning begun to
role + strike the small forest, just outside the home. Wind howled through the
role + windows that could not be shut against the force of nature that was savagely
role + shaking the small tree. The night of the Great Wild Beast was only a rumor
role + among the faeries and rangers of Emerald Forest, yet this rumor had come in
role + full force, destroying their hope of making it through the night untouched.
role + The moon was a deep crimson red, and as the storm seemed to be letting up, a
role + raging howl flooded through the forest and caused the weak of mind to fall
role + faint. Something was out there, and it was waiting.
role add
role + The mother upon the bed screamed in pain as the midwives scrambled around
role + with hot water and other useless items that would soothe the mother in her
role + grief. The father stepped back and forth outside the door, which he had
role + barricaded to try and keep the mother and his soon-to-be child safe. The
role + eldest of the rangers sat around the windows and door, whispering false hope
role + that everything would be fine. As the howl rang through the forest, all hope
role + fell. The father stood infront of the door and stepped out. Attempting to fix
role + his pride by shifting his armor a bit, he stood their waiting.
role add
role + The child's first scream echoed from the now open door, mixing in sweat
role + melody with the shrill screams of it's father and mother who had found a
role + worse fate. As the baby first opened it's eyes, it stared straight into the
role + eyes of the Great Wild Beast. The memory of the Great Wild Beast has faded
role + from his mind, yet the eyes....cold, calm blue eyes that held an eternal
role + anger have burned into his mind, and will be something he will never forget.
role add
role + The baby grew to an age of which his memory first returned, an age when the
role + Beast left the cub to find it's way in this world. The small child learned
role + quickly how to find food, and found that those that underestimated the child
role + fell quickly to his traps. The child always enjoyed the hunt, yet enjoyed the
role + luring of others to him which proved more humorous. The child learned how to
role + mimic the voice of the birds of the day, the howl of the ghosts of the night,
role + and the growl within his very soul and begun to use such as a weapon.
role add
role + As the child crew into a man, he begun to learn of the rest of the world and
role + those that walked the lands - their wants, their needs, their weakness. No
role + one followed the Great Wild Beast or the beast within, yet conformed and
role + spread the world into two sides of the darkness and of the light. The primal
role + was ignored, the instincts forgotten, the beast within supressed. Disgusted,
role + the man begun to destroy those that had supressed that which thrived the man
role + to survive. The primal man feasted upon what he wished, did as he wished, and
role + met one that...was somewhat the same, yet not.
role add
role + The man had followed Drucyrus for some time, and seen of his work and the
role + Temple he rested within. This...Scarabaeus that all had spoke of was one that
role + had not forgotten his primal within, yet called it something else. Yet as
role + Drucyrus spoke of Embracing the darkness, the man began to ignore the duergar
role + for he believed him the same until he noticed something. The smell of the
role + Temple.
role add
role + The smell brought the man back to the memories of a child, the memories of
role + the Great Wild Beast. The man was astounded, surprised to find the scent of
role + the beast within such a temple. He left to think, to grow, to return to his
role + only father, the Great Wild Beast. He had found....himself.
role add
role + Ralvenar has grown from the cub that stood before the Beast, yet has been
role + given the chance to grow more before becoming more of the Pack. Not quite
role + understanding the reasoning for leaving the Pack, the Hunt will always
role + continue as Ralvenar learns more how to understand the primal within. Having
role + his tattoo ripped from his arm by Scarabaeus confused Ralvenar, not
role + understanding what this one had to do with Saraba. Confused as to if Saraba
role + is Scarabaeus or Scarabaeus is Saraba.....Ralvenar doesn't understand, though
role + has decided to listen to Saraba until he understands further who this Father
role + is....and why the Beast left him to be with this Lich. Perhaps a test of his
role + strength, perhaps someone to learn from, Ralvenar will try to learn more of
role + the Father from the Beast later.
role add
role + How exactly it happened, or who did it, will probably never been known but
role + one day as Ralvenar was walking through the woodland trail, intending on
role + destroying those that would be food for the Hunt, he was suddenly slammed in
role + the back of the head with a tree limb that swung deep into the base of his
role + skull. He fell, unconscious for hours, until he was awakened by the sound of
role + water. A druid stood over his body, but quickly Ralvenar swung his weapon to
role + scare her away. Confused and disoriented he thought deeply of what he was
role + about to do. Then it suddenly dawned on him, and he moved on, determined to
role + do so:
role add
role + "I am Ralvenar, the Beast! Follow your....follow your....Pico? Yes, that's
role + it, follow your Pico. So no, it's Ralvenar the Pico *growls deep looking
role + fierce* and you had better follow your Pico, or...um, well something nasty
role + will happen! Remember, the Pico is the Pico....so you had better follow it.
role + Where would you be without your Pico? I've got mine, now go get your own!
role + *growls and tries to scare you away*"
role add

You bastard! Just kidding. Man a bard as a friend is very handy but as an enemy...that's another thing. You killed me a lot with Jekasiq and I had to pass a lot of time to reequip myself but I've learned of it. I did not understand the last time you talked to me...you said you didn't remembered me? I thought it was something to make me come out just to kill me...wasn't it? Well, good luck for your next character!

The roleplay was I lost all my memory...and you did good.
Probably died more than I expected, but yes, bards are
really nasty enemies. I almost felt bad killing you after
the first initial ones, but hey, it's in the roleplay (which
is why I grew to dislike Ralvenar). Good luck on the warrior,
and have fun in a now very safe land

We ranked like mad men, PKed like mad men... NO ONE touched us from the 15-35 range... Who wants to fight a Bard? Who wants to fight a Necromancer? Who wants to fight a Bard AND Necromancer? That's an almost guaranteed death. We had tons of fun and you were quite competent. I talked with Scarabaeus IC and it seemed he was just attempting to guide you in the right direction as to how you should be acting. He gave you a gentle reminder to go back to your roots by de-inducting you.

Or so I thought. That's what he had said to me, in a round about way, when I spoke to him the same night you got de-inducted. (I can find the log if you want.) Anyway, I thought he was just testing you... but now I see that he had Druc after you and such, that's not a test to me... that's wanting you out of the way. Anyway, you did something wrong I'm sure and didn't fit his image... I happen to think you did very well when we travelled from 1-35 together (on and off)... then you raised up a few levels. In those last few levels it seemed your attitude changed, moving away from burning the Fog... maybe that's what he picked up on too. I think you got bad breaks though, him only seeing you do things that he thought was wrong, and not looking at the aftermath. Everything seemed pretty much okay to me, although I would have probably been scepticle of you, too.

Anyway, you did well... I hope the A-Man replies on here to give you a reason for what he did, even though he doesn't have to. Someone does not reach his level of stature and respect without going the extra mile to 'help out' people... in game, after deletion, whatever. I'm sure he'll reply.

Good luck with your next, and yes... there WILL be a Zepalich.

-Jekasiq

But Ralvenar was exactly the same as your dark-elf conjurer.
I grouped with both chars and both had the *exact* same emotes for sleeping with the exception of a "growl" put into Ralvenars. I knew right off the bat who you were.

As for why i did what i did, maybe i'll answer that when my character is gone. Needless to say it wasn't unwarranted.

I have an inkling of an idea as to why Scarabaeus uninducted you. But i could be way off base, i'm sure he'll tell you for himself.

Frankly, this obsession thing you've got going on here is a
little disturbing. Sending me emails, in love with your own
role-playing, and convinced that you know more about my religion
than I do -- you need to step back, take a break, find something
else to do for a while.

>I put together a decent role,
>and went off, planning on
>doing a lot when I got
>older...

This was a big mistake. I was pretty indecisive about inducting
you in the first place. I think you know how to talk your way
through an interview, but don't have much to back it up with
later. You got too greedy to power-rank and sacrificed the
role to keep the momentum going. On top of the emails and
watching you say things like "I've been to the bottom of
Hell before" to other players, that was pretty much the final
straw.

>but I relied too much
>on
>Scarabaeus, which in the end, ultimately
>failed me.

That's right. I don't create or define your character. You do.

>I sent you the email, and was hoping for a response

"Now I'm not expecting anything to happen from this email..."

>Now, being 3 out of the 4 Initiates of
>the Great Wild Beast in all of CF's history that I
>know of, you'd think I've have it down
>by now.

You'd think so. And yet every time you've made the same mistake.
I don't even realize it's you and I'm sitting here thinking
good god, not again. You don't follow through. Sorn was
just another example of that, and you weren't even following me
(though the 2 emails prompting me to empower that character were
surprising since you had just complained to another immortal
that I "jew you out of Immteraction"). There's a pattern here.
And even though I'm being blunt, I'm trying to get a message
through here that will keep you from repeating the pattern and
being disappointed in how things end up yet again.

>Ralvenar played it to the T for
>teeth. After having been killed
>by Drucyrus, I stuck to it for
>awhile.

Guy, this character is 10 days old. I've had left-overs in
my fridge longer than that. Drucyrus killed you on the 12th.
That's really not considered "staying power".

>I was tired of holding the visage of the Beast,
>so I decided to roleplay a 180% change

Ok. Take a look at this. You say you realize where you fucked
up with your other characters. Does this remind you anything
at all of a Sphere Dedication character that recently dumped
his god?

>Also the switch from Saraba to Scarabaeus kicking me was
>real bad. I had IC no idea who the hell the Father was,
>besides a member of the Temple.

Yeah, I don't get this whole role-playing thing, it confuses me.
This character can quote text found inside a cabal he never
entered and then has no idea who Scarabaeus is. You'll have
to make up your mind as to how much OOC information you want
to use.

>I want....and next time I won't
>rely on Scarabaeus, it's already
>raped me twice now.

Tattooed characters are under the microscope. You can either
accept that and work on the follow through or you can tell
yourself that I'm the reason this keeps happening to you. I
have no doubt you feel very intensely about your characters
as a player. That doesn't mean you're staying IC, that
the strength of your attachment to the character makes everything
they do right, or that ANY immortal on staff is going to be
with you 24hrs a day during your week and a half of heroing a
character.

Take a break. Seriously.

Some things I agree with, some I don't.
That's life.

First off, I don't ever remember telling
anyone in game that I've been to the bottom
of hell. Illijin and I had a conversation
of information about the depths, which we
both agreed we should travel to later. That's
it, unless you would care to refresh my
memory. (We both seemed competant players
and practiced in the Dark Woods. Just MAYBE
that would strike a conversation of the
knowledge inside. I think we both said it
was extensive...I'm not that damn dumb to say
"Oh yeah, I went to the bottom of Hell once")

And saying I don't expect anything to happen
from this email, was correct. A response, is
completely different than something IC happening.

2 emails for empowering Sorn? Really? I'd like
to see actually any of these emails. I think in
Sorn's life I sent an email to all Immortals,
one when I came back, and a note in character to
the imms. And Valguarnera isn't one to take a
joke at all about being "jewed" out of interaction.
(Religious things, jewed, etc, get it?) Gotta love
it when you say one joke like that, and then they
ignore your emails forever. Sheesh, lighten up.

About the length of time, yeah I level fast, big
deal. If you know what your doing, and master
your defenses to the point you lead better than
most warriors, it's easy. Maybe a week isn't much
to you guys, but when your in for a little bit,
then kicked in a day or so, maybe you shouldn't
induct me in the first place. (Also, I'd like to
actually hear what the reasons were for kicking me
besides what I already explained. You spoke of
grouping with the thief, then "other things", which
you never explained IC, so I'd like to know if it's
not too much to ask.)

And yeah, I agree I'm not much on "staying power",
which I'm working on...but it's quite different from
getting uninducted and not killed (oh great, thanks)
by Scarabaeus so I can learn, to having the Flame and
others hunt me and you ignore all my prays to try and
understand where I went wrong. Maybe I should actually
make a good character one of these days, so I get to
learn what I do wrong and work on them, instead of be
persecuted and die stupid. It's a learning experience,
and I'm not getting the nicest of teachers in the roles
I pick....yeah, it's not newbie friendly so I guess I'm
##### out of luck.

And on OOC information, NOWHERE in the game is
there info about Saraba or the Great Wild Beast
besides inside the Cult in one picture, or your
new statue in Hamsah mentions the name. So I
tried to use OOC knowledge to maybe get a religion
started that never existed. Shoot me for originality,
and lack of IC sources.

And yes, I will be taking a break. Maybe a real long
break, because quite honestly, ever last character I've
made I've somehow managed to ##### it all up on one thing
that I didn't think was wrong. Maybe I should just stop
trying for something different with evil gods. Or stop
being bitter about Ivaides, the one character I got right.

Here's to a long break and perhaps me learning something.
Cheers Scarabaeus
*tips his glass*

If you have read the sacraa you would know redemption only comes one way with Scar that is through pain and suffering. I remember back when Amberlea received Satan's mark. She got uninducted and lost her voice. Did she bitch, whine, groan and complain? No, even though she died tiem and again while seeking redemeption. She went out and drew a picture praising him and was not only let back into the cabal, but actually immorted. All of your characters act exactly the same which is why everyone knows who you play. You are dedicated to a role right up until you screw it up. Then you jump ship on it and try to create an entirely new role halfway through the character. As far as the scion, scarab, and blah blah blah attacks. Drucyrus is an instrument of destruction you messed up. Who better to send to make you pay? The scions didn't start to attack you until you starting aiding the Warders and sleeping a few of them. Quit thinking everyone is out to get you and start looking at what people are saying.

And repelling all feedback, you're likely to repeat the same
mistakes with some other immortal next time around. Make a
note of this post, because if it happens again I'm going to
point to this.

>First off, I don't ever remember telling
>anyone in game that I've been to the bottom
>of hell. Illijin and I had a conversation
>of information about the depths, which
>we both agreed we should travel to later. That's
>it, unless you would care to refresh my
>memory.

Huh. I missed the conversation with Illijin. I'm referring
to a conversation with Bynote. When you began comparing notes
he mentioned that he had been as far as Dis and he was asking
if you were up for a trip there (you were about 40th at the
time). You responded that you had been all the way to the
bottom, that you'd be interested in the trip, etc. Is that a
little fresher?

>was extensive...I'm not that damn dumb
>to say "Oh yeah, I went to the bottom of Hell once")

Perhaps you said this in haste.

>2 emails for empowering Sorn? Really?
>I'd like to see actually any of these
>emails.

Alright. I'll have to edit the content slightly:

From: "Jonathan Miranda" <ipsisimus@earthlink.net>
To: <scarabaeus@carrionfields.org>
Subject: Quick question, Scarab
Date: Monday, February 19, 2001 8:20 PM

Been awhile since I've bugged you since Ivaides, but got a
question for you...keeping this all OOC also.

Got a dark elf healer which I wrote a note about his religion
and I've been praying for an answer...not expecting a whole lot
of IMMteraction, but empowerment would be nice. Is this likely
or not really? Anything I should try to help this by, or what
not.

Thanks
Jon

---

From: "Jonathan Miranda" <ipsisimus@earthlink.net>
To: <scarabaeus@carrionfields.org>
Subject: And concerning a few Hamsah quests...
Date: Wednesday, February 21, 2001 2:08 AM

First, neat quest with the #####. You should make #####
answer it easier...took me awhile to say ##### instead of just
asking for #####. Second, that ##### is impossible to find.
Honestly. I covered the entire city for 2 hours of real time,
went into every room, looked at everything, looked in
everything. I found the ##### in the #####, saw the guy I wanted
to get the attention of, the ##### in the #####, the ##### in
the ##### of the #####, the nomad healer and more, BUT NO DAMN
##### Sorry it's so disappointing when your this close and
you can't find it. I tried everything.

It took me awhile to find the #####, but I eventually put the##### and the ##### together. I tried asking the #####, etc
etc...think of everything but I needed to do, and I did it
Third, I tried talking to everyone else in Hamsah with
everything....the ##### in the #####, the guy I wanted to get
his attention in the #####, etc...maybe I'm wording
it all wrong, but just wondering if I'm missing anything.

One slight hint would help a WHOLE lot with this ##### bit. I'm
waiting on some Imm to empower me while I keep making trips to
the Sands and praying for Sekhtan-Rah and come back
and look for ##### for this stinking job so I can make some
gold to train All OCC of course, but can I get a hint as
where that ##### is?

Jon

---

LAST EDITED ON Jul-16-01 AT 09:52 AM (CST)

Dude. Gracefully accept the input and stop trying to think of ways to talk/act your way out of it. YES you are a good roleplayer with your rest/sleep triggers set up, and other such things that you do... but the simple fact is you have Scarabaeus, right now, telling you your mistakes... and you're basically telling him he's wrong. It's his religion, and he has his own idea of what his members should be like. You didn't fit into that idea. See, he even said that it was borderline when he first inducted you. Now, when he said that, I remember something he said to me during a talk I had with him... I'm going to post my first talk with Scarabaeus here, since some part involved you. This is a few hours after you were uninducted. Admittedly I have never had a Scarab before, and was trying to feel him out. I think that many Immortals on CF have the mindset that you should know everything about their religion before approaching them, and you should be able to roleplay it to a T. While I agree that I could have found out more in character, I don't think much would have prepared me for the Interview... so that's why I just decided, hey, let me just TALK to the guy and see what happens.

I never expected to be inducted, but I learned a lot just by talking to him... and I sorta knew that my whole approach was flawed, asking Him for guidance. Here goes. I had prayed twice in the last 30 mins, then...

-----

pray Father! SPEAK WITH ME!
You pray to the heavens for help!

You rest.

The shadows gather.

Scarabaeus whispers 'What is on your mind, mortal?'

You say 'I seek your guidance, Father.'

You say 'I work to open the eyes of others in Thera, and lift away this stench that surrounds us.'

Scarabaeus whispers 'You do, eh?'

You say 'Aye that, I do. Power comes with age in my profession, although I have been quite successful.'

(alluding to the fact that I was only level 35 Necro and at the time had about 2 p-deaths and 18 p-kills, and that ratio would only get better with age.)

You say 'Many know of my intentions, some have made their opposition clear, and paid for it.'

You say 'You are the Father, and I have potential if not anything else. Know that without your guidance I act as the same, for that is what I wish. With your guidance I will be more... potent.'

Scarabaeus whispers 'I banked on potential with Ralvenar.'

You say 'I travelled with that one, and if I may speak bluntly, in our younger ranks he tasted the blood... and smelled the stench in the air.'

You say 'As we progressed he seemed more bent on gaining ranks within his guild. It is good to better oneself, if you do not lose sight of what you truly are in the process.'

You say 'I do hope he one day meets your approval again, surely he must work hard to do so.'
(yeah, I showed compassion here... mistake.)

You say 'As I said, he was caught up in the illusions and delusions that surround us and bombard us every day we walk this plane.'

You say 'I am not immune to that. This I realize. Knowing that I am that more powerful.'

You say 'Each day I must be careful to not lose sight of who I am, as that Initiate you mentioned did.'

You say 'And for that I wish your guidance, so that I do not stray from the path which I was born to walk.'

Scarabaeus whispers 'Why do you think I did not cripple him further for his transgressions?'
(This is what I wanted to point out. The way I took this is that he was merely trying to wake you up Ralvenar, to show you your recent actions were wrong... and giving you the ability to correct them. I would have loved to be inducted and disciplined like this, I need/needed that to learn the Cult the way it should be.)

You say 'I believe it was because you see he strayed from the path. I hope he realizes your treatment was merely a way of Guidance.'

You say 'And that his Anger does not overcome him as to injure his bodily form any further, making him less effective to cleanse Thera in the future.'

You say 'He should act no different.'
(I have this philosophy with just about all my characters, which is why if I don't get into a cabal I don't get disappointed and delete... because I should act no different.)

You say 'He is what he is, and he asked for your guidance when he became an Initiate.'

(the log got messed up, some overlapping text, but right about now Scarabaeus whispers 'You seem intimately involved in his affairs.')

You say 'I met that one when I was young, Father, and we spoke briefly in our youth.'

You say 'We had the same ideas, the same goals... and grew up together. We aided each other in advancement in our guilds and our own improvement.'

You say 'Some time ago, perhaps a few ranks in his guild, we stopped travelling together.'

You say 'I know not why, but as I said... he then joined with Reddyn and another, I am unsure...'

You say 'They slayed spirits and such, to gain ranks.'

You say 'He didn't even have a moment to speak with me. Aye, that is his action and his action alone.'

You say 'But, for Ralvenar, odd.'

You say 'I know him as I know myself, his voice still echoes in my ears... that song he sings about black breath, and such.'

Jekasiq glances about, peering into the shadows... an expression of stone on his face.

Scarabaeus whispers 'Very well. I will consider your request.'

Jekasiq slowly stands.

Scarabaeus whispers 'Embrace the dark.'

Scarabaeus utters the words, 'fido'.
You feel righteous.

You say 'I thank you, Father. I wish your strong hand to guide me if I ever should waver.'

You say 'That, I do. I always shall.'

You say 'Farewell.'

The shadows recede.


All in all, not a bad little chat. I was basically telling him that I saw what he did to Ralvenar (on the WHO list he was no longer an Initiate) and that I was okay with that kind of guidance, and _wanted_ that. In fact, I thought he had treated him worse than he did... but the line about how he didn't 'cripple' him showed me that all that happened was he was uninducted.

Ralvenar, buddy, pal, amigo, muchacho... he could have made you unable to sing any song, chopped off one of your arms, or a foot, or something to really inhibit your character... but he didn't. The only thing he took away from you was ", Initiate of the Great Wild Beast" next to your name. I think your pride in yourself as a character and yourself as a player is what inhibited you, and perhaps that is one thing he was trying to test.

He was, in my opinion, trying to see how you handled this form of punishment. If you were _totally_ off base about what the Great Wild Beast was about he would have screwed your char, but he didn't... which tells me he was just trying to help you out in the only way he could. _You_ chose to not take his action as advice, but rather as an insult to your roleplay. Then your pride took over, and you would not admit you were wrong in character, or even now out of character...

I could ramble on for days and days and use my teaching from all my psychology classes to analyze this, but I won't. I'll just tell you now that you shouldn't make the mistake that a lot of current CF players do. You may see bitching and moaning on Dio's forum and this one, about how they don't get any Immteraction(TM), and that's because they a) rely on that for their character to be fun, because they _need_ the tattoo's powers, or they _need_ the cabal's powers, or b) they think they're a stellar roleplayer, but the Immortal doesn't think so and ignores them, crushing their entire character.

What ever happened to the good old days? The days where you could blame all the wrongdoings on Cador? I've been playing for 7 years and if I've set my mind to get a tattoo, or be inducted, most of the time it's happened. I'll tell you what... the Immortals are not asses. If they read your role and see that you're looking for them, but that you're a little offbase... they try to help you out. The single best piece of advice I can give to anyone who plays CF is to remain open-minded. If you're going to join someone's religion and be a follower of theirs realize that what they say goes. It _is_ their religion.

</rant>

I'll keep things simple.

1) You are not nearly the roleplayer you think you are. Roleplaying is not the same as writing a story. You have to adapt to other people. You have to listen to what they say, and not just talk 95% of the time. You keep a constant core identity, regardless of the ups and downs that come. Can your character evolve? Yes. Certainly. Should your character undergo complete changes of worldview every 2 hours? No.

You're reading a script. The others are acting.

2) I'm not required to answer every email that comes my way. I generally do, but when I start getting rude emails, I walk away.

3) I was the Archmage when he spoke to Sorn. Sorn thought it was more important to attend to sitting on the pyramid emoting into space than defending his cabal. Now, this is a viable roleplay choice, but not one that's going to keep you in Scion very long. You got your one warning, that you immediately took to an OOC forum, complaining about how unfairly you've been treated. It still stands out as one of the more myopic judgements I've seen from a player as an Immortal. You told the Archmage he wasn't your top priority. What did you expect?

Extend that analogy to your other characters. Notice that they all seem to fail at critical moments, because they're so wrapped up in "me" that they don't consider themselves through the eyes of another, and react accordingly.

Don't keep blaming Scarabaeus. He's the referee. You missed the dive. And I'm the East German judge, holding up a low mark.

From the pen of:
valguarnera@carrionfields.com">Valguarnera Trisseptia

valguarnera@carrionfields.com

Thanks for the input, just don't want you
to take that email seriously. It was a bad
joke

And if you read above, I already waved
the white flag.

Jon

Race: wood-elf
Class: bard
Level: 46
Age: 247
Hours: 66

66 hours, 700? exp penalty, rank 46


>teeth. After having been killed
>by Drucyrus, I stuck to it for
>awhile.

2,3 hours? I don't even know you, but i've read about 3 or 4 similar posts from you, this is hilarious.
You managed to stick to something for "awhile" despite powerranking?

>Then the endless assault

for a couple more hours

>I was tired of holding the visage of the Beast,

after sooo many hours of it.

>so I decided to roleplay
>a 180% change to try and
>salvage a char I was
>slowly beginning
>to hate.

"slowly" within 66 hours, kewl alternate universe d00d.
Btw just how many of your characters go through 180 changes?

>I was playing the
>part, and was tired of
>trying to get re-entered

tired? ok so you've ranked to 46, stuck to your guns awhile, got slowly fed up with your role, faced unceasing assaults on your person and -then- got tired of trying so hard to re-enter the cabal? Damnit i'd love to see what you usually manage to do in a 66 hour day.

>Drucyrus, your an asshole


>Nedrio, thanks for adding that flavor
>of insanity that kept
>me playing.

for a whole 66 hours.

sorry i still remember your duergar dagger spec bitching because we reamed you ("thats not fair, i perfected all my skills")

>Drucyrus, your an asshole but a
>good friend Ya gotta
>do what
>ya gotta do, but killing me
>because Scarabaeus wanted it, well,

What can I say? I was very surprised at what happened. When I saw you thrown from the Temple, I figured you had goofed in some way but I thought if you really tried, you might be able to get Scarabaeus' favor back. That is why I told you to keep following your primal and do not waver. Unfortunately, I had failed to check my notes and saw after we had spoken about your dilemma that Scarabaeus requested me to purify you. I had no choice but do what was asked, though I must confess, Drucyrus did relish the task simply because of what he is. However, I did not want to be cheap about it. I never asked you to come meet me somewhere so I could slay you ( I love the hunt), and I kept all conversations between us extremely brief to prevent lulling you into a false sense of security because I thrive on the challenge of the hunt and struck when the opportunity presented itself. I wanted it to be a surprise and by your reaction, it obviously was. I did not even know I was being watched at the time when I slayed you, it was a pleasant surprise for me, and Scarabaeus and I did discuss your downfalls though it is not for me to say them here.

For what it is worth, I did think you had a good approach. You do preach your religion well, though walking the walk is apparently where you failed. When you approached me, I responded as if I had no knowledge of the Beast, which is quite true. It is not my domain in the least and I keep handsoff of things I do not feel I have a right to interfere in. Thus I referred you to the beast himself. Unfortunate things ended up the way they did.
Hopefully your break lets you come back refreshed and with a clean slate.

Drucyrus