Sun Jul 30 19:16:02 2017

At 11 o'clock PM, Day of Freedom, 25th of the Month of the Shadows
on the Theran calendar Takaeshi perished, never to return.

I really liked your poetry.

When I interacted with you as a galadon citizen, you quickly thereafter released a nice piece on the 'common man'. Plus you even did an Ish poem. Thumbs up!


Pasting it just to remind you what it was:


"
In well-lit halls, adorned by rustling parchment and fragrant leather
are tomes, librams and treatises with value beyond measure.
Each one the culmination of a life's singled-minded pursuit
like seedlings nurtured into strong trees that bore peerless fruit.
Such are the reflections of Her ardent scholars and devotees
rigidly focused and drawn toward the subjects they pleased.
No barrier or obstruction, allowed to stand in their ways
living embodiments of Her teaching in a world oft in a daze.
Bastions of knowledge, in a world sometimes seemingly hollow
parts of the greater sum, who is She that they follow.
With studious grace and great patience, She watches on
as one by one they rise from darkness, towards knowledge's dawn.
For each glimmer is a beacon, in a world oft-gone awry
amidst fluttering pages turning, a true adherent hears Her sigh.
As the ignorant sew darkness, seeking to drown Witch's lights
Ishuli's sweet voice soughs hope renewed, for knowledge wins all fights.
"





-Ish

Is because I know a thing or two about poetry And CF poetry makes my eyes bleed

Don't you people know that rhyme (however horrible) should be accompanied by foot to make poetry readable?

You can't please all of the people all of the time and so forth.

It's not rocket science, the flow is easy enough to find. Of course, you know the old addage. Put up, or ...

Not to compare the three of you (I'm not that stupid), but to indicate that being Russian doesn't mean I can't feel the flow of English poetry.

Your verse makes reader stutter and is therefore unreadable.

Anyone can upset an artist, and even more so a poet. But when you decided to write poetry, you should've been ready to face criticism.

Just a small indication of what I'm talking about.

In well-lit halls, adorned by rustling parchment and fragrant leather
Are tomes, librams and treatises with value beyond measure.

This is read in the following manner.

>In 'well-lit 'halls, a'dorned by 'rustling 'parchment

So far - an almost perfect iamb, although it would've been much better if you wrote it as "In hals well-lit, adorned by rustling parchment", so that a reader wouldn't have to mangle the "well-lit" word. Now let's read further.

>and 'fragrant 'parchment

Lolwut? WTF is this? That's like cut-off from another poem which has no common footing with the previous part of the line. The "and" adds unstressed syllable which ruins the flow. Typically an unprepared reader stops reading your poem here. Congratulations, 99% of the readers didn't go past the first line. That's how good your poetry is.

Now let's go further.

>are 'tomes, li'brams and 'treati'ses with 'value 'beyond 'measure.

I applaud you for matching the verse size. Well done. But see what you did here? You forced a reader to put two accents in one word, which is horrible as it's iamb, not hexameter. And you've mangled another innocent word.



If you wanted to call this anything like poetry, it should've been something like this:

"In 'halls well-'lit, a'dorned by 'rustling 'parchment, 'fragrant 'leather
Are 'rarest 'tomes, li'brams and 'scrolls of 'worth one 'cannot 'measure"

See the difference? Despite my ESL choice of words and the flow itself being far from perfect (also I'm not sure about correct accent in "libram"), it's read much easier because the flow is obvious and MATCHES the actual accentuation of the words. That's the whole idea of poetry - it should be flowing easily and read w/o troubles so it's memorized easier.


So long story short, CF poetry makes my eyes bleed. Your poetry in particular. It's not an attack at you personally, it's an attack at the whole practice of bad poetry in MUDs.

It's almost as if you've made it your job to be an ass to anyone who plays this game.

Stop trying to tell people that they play the game wrong, cuz every time you do you act like a douche about it.

Shut up and play.

Calling bad poetry bad is not being an ass. I have even been nice to explain how exactly it was bad, which is called "constructive criticism".

The best answer would be "hey thanks for the tips, point for improvement noted". Going defensive all of a sudden, on the other hand, is an indicator of frustration with being wrong. Bear with it, life is not about winning only.

Yeah, cuz I'm the one who's constantly telling people they either suck, they're doing it "wrong", or both.

I'm starting to think you simply don't know what cool and chill mean. Which is fine, you're not the only one. What isn't fine is you act like you not only know but you wrote the book on the subject. Then you say something to me that actually applies to you. YOU are constantly going on the defense and stating your frustration(like complaining about CF poetry being SOOO bad that you just don't do it, damn hipsters), and always stating you are right and others are wrong(life is not about winning only, bro).

Chill out beach.

Well, to be frank, it's a better poem than any I have seen from you. If you really think it's so bad, than it makes your criticism sound even worse. If he's such a novice, then offer ENCOURAGING suggestions. You seem to want to discourage him from writing poetry (which is how you improve). It's fortunate that Longfellow didn't post his first 100 poems on this forum for you to trash, else we would likely not have his later works.

I can almost picture you watching a baby learn to walk: "God, are you retarded? One foot in front of the other, it's not that hard! Find a comfortable chair, that's all I can say."

Kstatida's Poem

Crouching silent the hunter, fox awaiting a hare,
Pouncing quick as a flash, with advice he must share,
Gnashing teeth, flying fur, finding weakness to flout,
Perhaps advice more would heed, would he simply chill out.

Sorry to be blunt and I'm not saying your advice is not good, just temper it with some humanity. I enjoyed the bard's poem myself.

Artist should be prepared to be smashed, or he's not an artist. Noticed how I didn't write any poems as a bard? Guess why?

Because you project on to other people the way you behave and were afraid you'd get smashed?

Whether or not someone should be able to take a smashing is beside the point. The fact is, you can say the same thing and be just as honest without seeming to want to crush their spirit.

My poem still stands.

It makes me feel superior demonstrates the effort people put into, y'know, pretending to be a bard.

And as long as it's meaningful, I don't even care about meter or rhyme.

No, no, the rhythm and execution is all wrong. Let me fix it for you.

Effort of people shows in the work,
Make believing they're a bard,
When meaning's spied as visible perk,
I don't criticize too hard.

It’s all good. I applaud the fact that you know more than one language, I’m envious, I know the one (arguably) and smatterings of others. But just to point something out.

“So long story short, CF poetry makes my eyes bleed. Your poetry in particular. It's not an attack at you personally, it's an attack at the whole practice of bad poetry in MUDs.”
Where you say, “CF poetry makes my eyes bleed. Your poetry in particular.” You can’t reasonably then say, “It’s not an attack at you personally,” because you just said my poetry in particular. Hopefully that makes sense.

That being said, I get it. I’m one of those irreverent types who doesn’t believe any form of art should be required to adhere to someone else’s definition of art, whether it be poetry, music, drawing, writing, etc. Imagine how crappy music would be if it was confined to 1 chord or 2 notes, or it wasn’t technically music. I don’t claim to be a studied poet, writer, etc. I just do what I like. General rule of thumb being, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone all is fair. If my writings hurt your eyes my apologies, but like you’ve stated you can avoid looking and if not the blame is on you right? But give me a convivial atmosphere where people will try to create over a rigid system where only few may participate any day. The Put up, … reference was Put up, or shut up. Which is, jump on in and show us how it’s done or refrain. A nothing ventured nothing gained sort of logic loop.

I’m not offended by your not liking whatever I might have written. If you didn’t get it, or it didn’t conjure images in your mind then clearly I missed my mark or we’re two quantum particles that weren’t meant to interact. There really is no harm no foul. That Ishuli liked it and others may have, is good enough for me, but most importantly I liked them, so… the rest is moot. I don’t require outside validation. I’m realistic in all of this, in any given write up I’m doing good to avoid typos, and there’s not a poem (questionably called such in your eyes I know) I wrote that I likely thought was perfect or wouldn’t change at least something about. But I had fun, please don’t let my attempts at such spoil yours.

You flatter me when you say "more than one language".

Because "yours in particular" had meaning of "including yours", not "especially yours". I'm sorry.

NT

And I didn't hear you apologizing for your foul words about my family yet.

NO TEXT EXCEPT THE TEXT SAYING NO TEXT AND THIS TEXT EXPLAINING IT

So you could hang it on the wall and throw darts or something?

I've heard it helps to vent and stuff.

TOUGHEN UP BEACH

Or, for any political folks who get upset with my use of the word "Trump", allow me to tell you can replace with it with "Narcissistic Personality Disorder Person".

Refer to another forum if you want any more details.

Really liked Ishuli, the rp and the concept behind it all. I didn't know that was you in the citizen, obviously, but it was fun to try and come up with something decent on the spot. I also was pleasantly surprised with how the poem for you came out. Like all things, I'm sure it could have been better, but it was fun regardless!

Tak had lots of friends, most of whom passed on or died. Then I did something stupid and barred myself from somewhere as a result and evidently didn't live up to expectations where the hording code was concerned. So near naked, I handed off what I had left and decided to focus on another character. But it was a fun ride while it lasted.