Saerali Kinkaide the Pupil of the Archon, Acolyte of the Golden Sun

Role

Chapter 14

Raised in the city of the Arials, she has been brought to Galadon fairly recently by her parents, who are merchants there.
She has never had any interest in their way of life, and much preferred the education they were able to give her (though her patience for reading is rather limited).
Much to her parents' dismay and sometimes disgust, as a child she was forever bringing home small injured animals and birds, adopting them on the few occasions she was allowed to do so. As she grew older, she moved on to street children as well,
which was even less agreeable to her family! They tolerated her ways, but she never really felt herself close to them.
The move to Galadon isolated her from the few friends she had at home (she has never been able to make friends easily or quickly), which in turn threw her into a depression.
Partly due to circumstances before she left home and partly due to this depression, she finds it very difficult to believe that anyone might want to spend time with her.
Combined with her natural passion for 'making people better', these factors have given her a driving wish to come between people and whatever is threatening them - particularly illness, injury or death.
She uses the feeling of being needed to fight off the loneliness she always feels, but as a consequence, she is less outgoing and appears less outwardly cheerful than many of her fellow arials.
In spite of that, she adores playing with children, and has a deeply buried but broad streak of mischief and playfulness.
Patience is never her strong suit, and she can be short with people who do foolish things and get themselves injured - although if someone truly needs her help, all impatience is gone.
Having frequently experienced a lack of it in her life, loyalty is something she values very highly. Her friendship, once given, is permanent and almost indestructible.
A true romantic, she has never been in love - and while she harbours a wistful wish for it, she believes it will never happen, and is bent on geting on with life without it.
Intelligent and generally pleasant, Saerali is a difficult person to truly get to know.

Role

Chapter 13

As an extremely young adventurer, only just starting her independent life, Saerali happened to be in Galadon when Cyruil was taken up by the angels.
Stunned and entranced, she was completely awestruck, and never forgot the vision she saw that day. When asleep, she has frequent dreams of angels and a veil she can never quite approach.
She lives for the day when she might see an angel once again, and (needless to say) holds onto a doubtful, wistful hope that she may one day be taken up by the angels herself.
The experience strengthened an already formed tendency toward interest in the divine and toward religious devotion - another thing her family do not value very highly.
At that point she knew almost nothing of the Fortress of Light or its inhabitants...but after that experience, she determined to seek them out and find out why someone might be received into Elysium in that wonderful fashion.
Perhaps she herself might be accepted there - and even see an angel again one day?

Immortal Comments

Role

Chapter 12

Following her vision of angels, Saerali fell in with a young bard named Erelia, who showed her the way to the Temple of the Gods and also the path to meet an archon in the Pass of Gol'Galath.
Having already encountered the Cathedral of Light in Arkham and become passingly familiar with the concepts embodied by Corrlaan, it seemed very natural to take the next step and dedicate herself to his service.
She had already discussed service in the Fortress with Erelia, and there is certainly no doubt that her protective instincts run strong.
Shy about making such a commitment in front of a virtual stranger, she slipped away after a noisy interlude at the Inn of the Eternal Star and made her way back to the ledge they had visited earlier.
After a time of meditation - and of gathering her courage - she dedicated herself to Corrlaan's service.
She had doubted whether he would even accept her service, so his appearing personally and speaking with her came as a significant shock.
Although she was almost tongue-tied between awe and fear, he nevertheless seemed satisfied with her answers and empowered her with his blessing.
His teaching about purpose gave her a great deal to think about, however. While she has never harboured any illusions about fame or fortune in her life, he seemed to be commanding her to seek a focused purpose.
She remained kneeling on the ledge, under the archon's gaze, for a long time, turning his words over in her mind and trying to consider how best to apply them to her own life.
Always in the back of her thoughts, though - and causing her to catch her breath each time she thinks of it - is the memory of the wonder of his presence, and the beauty of the archon's face.
She lives for the moments such as this one, when she can see glimpses of what waits behind the veil in her visions...light and hope in a dark age.

Role

Chapter 11

Since her first encounter with Corrlaan, Saerali has visited his shrine on a regular basis - at first staying outside on the ledge, but later venturing farther in. She goes there frequently to pray and meditate.
A chance encounter with Synoria one day allowed her to find out more about the Fortress of Light, which had interested her since the day of her vision of the angels.
Dreaming more and more often of being accepted into their ranks, she sought and found the physical location of the Fortress, and later began to search for the Prophet in the hopes of being able to make herself useful.
She was forestalled, however. After meeting Synoria in the shrine one day as she went to begin her devotions, Saerali was shocked when Corrlaan himself appeared and began to speak with each of them in turn.
After discussing her calling and how she had continued to seek her purpose, Corrlaan brought her into the Fortress himself as a Scribe, and transported her bodily to its gates with his blessing.
It took her some time to recover from the swiftness with which events had moved, but by the time she had seen something of the Fortress and become used to hearing the others' voices in her head, she could feel only gratitude - and nervousness.
Naturally shy and convinced of her own unworthiness, settling in may prove an interesting exercise - but the personal interest Corrlaan has taken in her path is a source of great encouragement to her.
Her dreams of angels continue, only strengthened by the time she spends in the shrine and the Fortress, but she is focused at the moment on learning to become as skilled as she can be in this life. After all, there is much work to be done.

Role

Chapter 10

An otherwise uneventful and educational journey through the Underdark with a Squire of the Fortress and another mutual friend ended in an incident which left a deep impression on Saerali.
As she was possessed of a naturally gentle and protective soul, her service to Corrlaan had become the dominant influence on her life, shaping her thoughts and actions increasingly strongly.
She visited his shrine and the various temples of the Light more and more frequently, often retreating there to beg for courage and guidance, and for protection for her comrades of the Fortress.
She also spent a great deal of time in meditation on her own purpose and on the tenets of her faith, which she was just beginning to grasp.
In spite of her growing devotion, which was also augmented by the sense of acceptance that she had found nowhere else thus far, Saerali had very little previous education in what becoming a priest or truly following a god might entail.
Perhaps naively, she had initially presumed that all who served in the Fortress held similar ideals to herself.
When they arrived on the surface at the end of the trip and the Squire requested protection once again, glancing significantly at one of the svirfneblin miners, she gave it without a second thought.
Only afterward, especially as he encouraged her and their other companion to return home immediately, did she fully realise his probable intent.
Hastily willing herself back to Galadon, she saw nothing of what followed, but it was impossible to escape the knowledge that she had helped to kill an innocent.
She fled back to Corrlaan's shrine and began to plead for his guidance, but - not that she blamed him - he hid his face from her.
After spending many hours in meditation and prayer, she was forced to conclude that it would be her task to set herself a suitable penance.
Nothing seemed enough to atone for the taking of a life, but finally she had come to a solution that she felt would be acceptable unless and until she was commanded otherwise.
As well as making a payment of fifty gold coins for the miner's family, she decided that she would try to commission a Herald to write a poem commemorating his life, to be given to his comrades.
Along with the coin and the poem, she herself would write a prayer to speed his soul to...wherever it would have gone. All these things she would take personally, to face the miner's people.
Knowing no self-imposed penance could ever make amends, she continued to pray that if Corrlaan had another task that would be more satisfactory, he would make it clear to her.
The incident caused her to think more deeply about what true service to Corrlaan might mean, and raised a number of questions in her mind.
He had already told her always to have hope even for the evil people of the world, and the commonplace custom of killing even evil beings began to disturb her, making her wonder if it was truly right.
In addition, after she fell in with a conjurer one day who called angels to his service, she was horrified. Could it truly be right to ask the servants of the gods to...to run errands, and to help in battle?
The conjurer, a fellow Scribe, insisted that it was 'different', but she was not convinced. How could a mortal - albeit one much wiser than herself - rightly command the divine?
Coming at the same time

Role

Chapter 9

What is purpose?

I am commanded to seek my purpose, and to do that I must understand what I
aim to find. To do otherwise is to hope to stumble on a single precious gem
in a dark cave.
Illumination is needed...

So I light my candle at the shrine of the Lord of Archons, and pray that in
his mercy he may guide my thoughts.

The purpose which shapes one's life must be many things, all at once. The
more I think on it, the more I believe that the discovery never truly ends. I
will not wake up one morning and know, suddenly, how I will spend each day of
my life. Rather, it will evolve, adapting to the needs of the time...whether
mine, or others', or the wishes of the gods.

In the meantime, however, I must seek for my calling as it stands today. That
calling must be something I feel strongly about, for if it is not, whether I
will or no my zeal will fade and I will not serve as I ought. It must be
broad enough to encompass a life's work, for a task too confined in its
nature will lead to boredom or stagnation...and yet it must be defined so
that I can walk boldly toward it, instead of wandering in aimless circles.

There must be scope to dream, or all becomes drudgery...and yet it must have
a firm foundation in reality, so as to prevent my being carried too far by
idealism or sympathy. A tender heart may be a virtue, but ungoverned by
wisdom, it will spend its energy recklessly, even to the point of working
against the greater good it serves.

So, for philosophy, but now I must live it out in my actions...

Role

Chapter 8

In a perfect world, there would always be a servant of the Light to stand
between innocents and the Shadow. But now it is time to be practical, and so
I must admit that not every wrong can be set to rights...especially by one
small arial with a gift for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Rather, I must focus on what I can do, not on what I wish could be possible.

They say that charity begins at home, and that for me must mean the Fortress
now. Helping my comrades enables them to do their work, and so I cannot see
how my purpose could not include going to their aid, whenever and wherever
they should need it.

But if my help is not needed there - then what? Sitting idly and waiting to
be useful is hardly working out a purpose...but the question is where to best
spend my time, in order to do the most good. Should I haunt the places where
murderers often go, hoping to save their victims and somehow convince them of
their error? Surely I cannot save them all, and any who would do such things
likely will not listen to my words as I ask them to change their ways.

Then, with the presence of my Lord...a light in the darkness.

It is not with those who have chosen to walk in the Shadow, but with the
young ones who have no clear path, and those who wish to try to walk in the
Light, that my calling lies. It is so easy to become discouraged by the evil
in the world - perhaps one even slightly older may look back on the path and
offer a helping...or healing...hand. Perhaps some who walk in the gray as
youngsters may be influenced toward the paths of the Light in their future
lives, even enough to prevent them from killing innocent citizens.

And in this way, perhaps I may serve as a conduit for a little more Light, as
these young ones in turn grow older and find their own paths...

The Lords of Light grant it so.

Role

Chapter 7

As a very homesick young arial whose relocation to Galadon had been largely
against her wishes, Saerali at first took very little notice of the other
races who thronged the busy streets - except to stare at those who appeared
most strange, and try to avoid their noticing her. Even once she became more
used to her new city and grew accustomed to dealing with humans and elves
(and the various variations thereof), the earth-dwellers remained utterly
alien to her. Venturing into the Underdark filled Saer with a burning desire
to escape into the open air, not with interest and fascination - and to her
eyes, used to an arial's slender limbs and delicate features, they seemed
coarse and uncouth in appearance.

After she entered the Fortress, however, circumstances seemed to be
conspiring to throw her together with dwarves, in particular. A number of the
Squires and Maran were dwarves, and by chance or coincidence, she found
herself traveling frequently with almost all of them at different times. Many
of them seemed to have chosen the path of paladins, dedicating themselves
both to their god and to skill in arms, with which Saerali could sympathise
much more easily than those who appeared to relish the ability to wave a
sword more than the purpose of doing so. Gradually, over her first several
years, she came to realise that - although as a race dwarves are so wildly
different from arials - they have good points in plenty to make up for what
they might lack in aerobatic skill, for instance.

It did take some time for her to become used to their blunt way of speaking
and their accents, and - being already wary of rejection by her new comrades
- she recoiled at first from their straightforward criticism. In time,
though, she discovered friends who would put their lives on the line for her
as cheerfully as she would for them, and who would continue to seek her out,
no matter how many mistakes she made. Incomprehension began to give way to
interest, and interest to appreciation, as she realised that their culture
held depths beyond smithing and tastes beyond alcohol in excess. She began
tentatively asking questions, always a little afraid they would think she was
odd for wanting to know, but enjoying the glimpse into a life so different
from her own. Almost as an afterthought, she began to take an interest in the
lives of the dwarves who crossed her path, whether Fortress or not - seeing
an odd sort of kinship in another race living on the surface of the earth,
where neither she nor they were most at home, and trying to do small things
for them when they came to her attention.

Clearly a healer's curiosity extends beyond medicine!

(Yes, I know. She is more than slightly random. But she is an arial, after
all...so I humour her!)

Role

Chapter 6

In many ways, Saerali finds it an ongoing challenge to keep pursuing her
purpose and tasks. Stung by Da'lan's comment accusing her of self-pity, she
fights hard to avoid feeling sorry for herself, but there are several things
working against finding her service easy and joyful.

The melancholy that came over her when her family moved to Galadon never left
her, although discovering Corrlaan and his service has given her a reason not
to simply 'forget' to protect herself in battle. Her wish for eternal peace
and rest is becoming so strong that any mention of the Azure Fields or of
angels brings tears to her eyes, and she avoids those topics except when in a
particularly wistful mood. The tension between her wish to die and her
feeling of responsibility to the Fortress and the Light is constant, and -
when she is not thinking clearly - occasionally causes her to do foolish
things like rush into battle against difficult odds, in the knowledge that
she will almost certainly die. However, her disregard of her own safety has
also resulted in saving the lives of some of her comrades at times, making it
very much a two-edged sword. She genuinely wants to live because there are
too few as it is to heal and protect the Maran and the innocents, but were
she left to her own devices without responsibility she would have sought her
own death years ago.

To complicate matters further, even as she becomes more and more useful to
the Light, she is becoming more and more convinced of her own inadequacy and
worthlessness. With a natural tendency to remember offered criticism and
forget praise, she tends to avoid offering her aid out of a fear that she
will be in the way, and she flinches from correction - less in pride than in
the belief that they find her completely useless.

In the knowledge that Corrlaan wishes her to continue to take initiative and
seek out ways to complete his tasks, Saerali is managing to hold onto her
resolve - with a great deal of prayer, and always in fear that her god might
hold her in contempt for her weakness. The friendship of some of her comrades
helps her a great deal, and she has no intention of giving up while her
strength and stamina hold out - but when she wakes from one of her angel
dreams, it is always with tears in her eyes and a smile.

Role

Chapter 5

What is to be done when a dream comes true...and it is utterly unlike the
expectation? Whenever I stop and think, when I truly try to take it in, I
cannot believe it is true. Even his name feels strange on my tongue. Why -
why - would someone like him want me? I am nothing - a foolish servant who
falls short in every way - and he...

I always thought, if I were ever to be loved, he would be someone like me.
Another healer, perhaps, or a craftsman - quiet, gentle, steadfast. After
all, who else would ever notice me? And then I grew older, and as I realised
how far I am from the Acolyte I should be, I knew...I thought I knew...that
the path I walk would never enter Rayihn's domain, for no one in his right
mind would love what I had become.

And then - and then!

He is...he must be...mad. A Maran, savage in battle, unafraid of any foe or
any danger, beloved of the Jaguar, honoured in the Fortress, feared and
respected by our enemies. He knows more of the world than I could imagine,
and yet he looks at me! And he is so gentle and kind...so patient with my
fears...so protective.

So loving.

How did it happen? He and I are so different! And yet our differences fit
together as though we had been made two faces of the same coin...as though
the gods had set us here and waited only for the time when we would find one
another. He talks of how he felt a spark between us one day, but I remember
it as though the sun were coming up...a hint of dawn, a gradually fading
darkness, and then suddenly the world is filled with light and everything is
seen through new eyes. His courage calms my fears...my gentleness tempers his
ferocity...each of us supports the other in our faith. A living illustration
of the unity of our two Orders - and may we both be granted the wisdom to
make our example a good one.

It has been months, now, and still I cannot rid myself of the feeling that
this is all a dream. Surely, surely he will awaken one morning and realise
that it is all a mistake - wonder what had possessed him to take up with such
a creature as me! I am almost afraid to wear his diamond, for what could I
possibly offer him to make myself worth his while? And yet I am more afraid
of taking it off...afraid of breaking the spell. It sparkles there on my
finger, unnerving, comforting...precious.

Lord of Archons, I love him so much that it hurts. I never knew that pain
could be so sweet.

Oh, my Lord, help me to remember that it is you I serve. My soul is yours,
though my heart is his - and when he tires of me, how else can I go on but by
your mercy?

Role

Chapter 4

There are times in our lives when we find that the details of living - the
hopes and fears and small necessities of each day - overwhelm our sense of
purpose. It may be due to some great crisis, but I believe that more often it
just creeps up on us...one thing adding to another until we wake to find
ourselves drifting in the fog, instead of walking steadily along the path
toward the Light. Now, for me, is such a time - with all that has led up to
the wedding and the constant calls of work and companionship, I have begun to
realise that some of my focus has been lost.

At such moments, it seems to me best to pause and take time to clear away the
mist. What point in walking, if you may be off the path? And so, for a few
days, I left the Fortress and my husband to their own devices and traveled up
into the mountains, seeking and finding quiet time for thought. It felt
strange at first - no one calling my name or tugging my sleeve, no 'I'm sorry
to disturb you' or 'I wouldn't ask, but...'. I found myself thinking of my
routines - at this hour I should be seeing the convalescents, will the
Scribes remember to study as they should? Gradually, though, the awareness of
details faded, and I began to remember other things...for instance, my
conversations with my Lord, years ago.

There, in the silence, it was easier to recall the things I had said and the
way I had thought. In the bustle of life, I had forgotten having spoken of
making time to guide and help the young one of the world, for instance...or
rather, I had thought of it at times, but there had always been so much else
that seemed more immediate. I believe, now, that that was a mistake, for what
can be more immediate than encouraging those whose lives will affect Thera so
greatly to walk in the ways of the Light? I was reminded also of the Knight's
words to me. I have done little thus far to justify his faith in me as a
preacher of the Light - indeed, of the two of us, Ren finds that far easier
than I do - but should that excuse me from making the effort?

Silence and solitude can remind us of things we find it easier to ignore,
sometimes.

I can feel the path beneath my feet once again, now. It runs steadily into
the future, where I cannot see...looking ahead shows me only shadows with
fearful possibilities lurking among them. At times I wish I had not given my
promise to try to learn courage, for I am sure it is the hardest thing to
find if it does not come naturally! Still, I will keep trying as long as I
can...and thank the gods for each day that my journey is not made alone.

Role

Chapter 3

I do not understand.

I thought - I thought I was walking in the way I should go. I know that I
have not seen my Lord's face in years, but that could have been for any
reason. He has given me no reason at all to think he is displeased with me -
until now, suddenly, I find that he believes I have lost my purpose. He must
be right - he cannot be wrong - but I do not understand...

How can he think I have turned from him? I love my husband very much, but
there has never been a time when I have not thought first of my
faith...never. Even together, we have always prayed that we would not
distract one another from service to our Lord and Lady. If I lost a little of
my focus while so much else was happening, then I regret that, but I have
always tried as I can to remain on the path. I thought I had found it again,
was walking in it...but if what the Prophet says is so, then clearly I have
not. Somehow, it is not enough - he still believes I think first of personal
matters.

I cannot take this in. If my service is not good enough even to merit his
telling me that I have more to learn, then I can only conclude that I have
failed utterly in what I was trying to do. I am hardly fit to bear witness in
the world to his compassion if he feels I have set love above my faith. This
must explain why he hides his face from me...of course he would not wish to
have anything to do with me if this is true. And I cannot fault him...if only
I understood what I have done wrong!

Be that as it may, now my path is clear. If there is some
misunderstanding...some fault in me that may be corrected...then well and
good. I will do - anything, anything at all. And if it is true and he no
longer wants me, then at least I will know the next step to take. Life is
worthless without faith...and, in a way, it would be easier.

But how is it possible to fail so miserably and never realise it...?

Role

Chapter 2

What calls more strongly - weariness or a sense of responsibility?

I know which ought to be the stronger. No one who has lived out her life in
service to the Light, or who entered that service entirely of her own choice,
could be in any doubt whatsoever. I am called to serve, and for as long as I
can - and there is no other healer in the ranks of the Fortress to take my
place. Can I leave my comrades in good conscience, when it is in my power to
stay?

There is much - very much - that is left undone, too. My purpose is manifold
and not only within the Fortress, and there are so many things I have yet to
do, goals I have only partly realised. Tempting...wonderful...blissful as it
would be, I cannot look on abandoning those things with any peace. I serve a
god of dedication and purpose, not one of rest and ease.

And yet, I am tired. I am in need of rest - not for a day or a week, for the
tiredness is not of the body, but deep in my soul. The solace I seek is not
found in a few days away from the Fortress, or an evening watching the
Heralds perform...no, it lies in the Azure Fields, under the gaze of the gods
and the wings of the angels. When I go to the realms where the archons dwell,
it will be to join my husband, and the weariness that sweeps over me will be
gone as though it had never been. And I am so tired...tired unto death, I
would say, if it were not death that will release me at last.

Have I the strength to delay? Even after he goes on before me, as he must
soon do?

I know what should be done. The knowledge is always there, never forcing
itself on me, but always waiting for me to admit to its truth. The angels
wait in my dreams...but the Veil is there, too, never letting me pass. Oh, I
know what I should do, but I wish...

Light above, what kind of weakling am I?

In the end, the question is not whether I can, but whether I will.

And once it is said that way...can a true servant of my Lord answer any way
but one?

Role

Chapter 1

Sometimes answers to prayer come when you are least expecting them...and at
the perfect time.

Certainly today, standing on the edge of the Shadow Grove in a snatched
moment between battles in defense of the Fortress, I was not thinking about
answers to prayer - at least, not in those terms. The safety of my companion,
and when the next attack was likely to be - they were uppermost in my mind.
And then, of course, I had spoken with my Lord, and he had given me to
understand that my path is nearing its end...or, rather, drawing near to the
veil between this life and the next. I imagine that that would give anyone
enough to think about, without dwelling on prayers so old they seemed likely
never to be answered.

I am...not entirely sure how I feel about that. In the main I am thankful -
so thankful that I find I am singing to myself at odd moments, to the
sometimes amusing confusion of my comrades, who are used to more rational
behaviour! But there remains the worry which has prevented me from slipping
away many times in the past. If I am called to the Azure Fields, there will
be no one left in the Fortress who follows the healing arts...no one at all.
It cannot all be left to the knights - they do marvellous work, but they must
sometimes think of battle as well. And so if I go, it will leave a void.

I know, of course, that the Fortress existed and fought mighty battles
centuries before I was born, and they will go on perfectly well after I go to
be with the angels. Even so, it is hard to leave those I have grown to love
without knowing that someone else is there to take up the task of protecting
them from the results of their zeal, and I cannot help being reluctant to do
so.

And then, we almost trip over someone who may yet be the answer! A young
elven healer, wandering about the Shadow Grove, and delighted to meet
Acolytes in the flesh - because he wishes to become one. Of course he may
lose his calling, or enter service elsewhere...but if once he puts on the
robes of our Order, I will have no regrets when my time comes.

I wonder if it would be asking too much of the gods, if I wished that Ren and
I would live each only as long as the other? He is preparing to lay down his
service to the Spearmaiden also, after his many years as a Maran. I think,
here at the end of our lives, that going on without the other would be
something neither of us wants. I will walk my path gladly to its end, without
stepping aside or giving up before my time - I owe that much to my Lord, of a
certainty, and I wish to finish my journey well. But my steps will be the
lighter because whatever happens now, the path is not so very long...

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