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***Healer's Gambit by Kanlax which won First Place***
Kanlax says 'Ahem. A man named Sanitas, well-known thief and trickster in his middle years, has decided to turn up a
new leaf in life.'
Kanlax says 'His hands weren't as steady anymore and his feet not as fast. Pondering how so many people feel betrayed
by their own body as they age, he declared that he'd quit his guild and make a living as a healer.'
Kanlax says 'After all, his very name meant "cleanser", although he reasoned that he's more into "cleansing" the
pockets of his victims. In fact, his reputation was bad enough that, as he came to the local shrine to learn the craft,
they turned him away.'
Kanlax says 'Desperate he was not, though, as the very next day he boldly opened up an enterprise, with a sign saying
"Sanitas' Mixtures - Just as good as any Healer". The sign also said: "Thirty gold to cure an ailment, but should it
fail, we give back sixty".'
Kanlax says '...A priest from the shrine then spotted the sign on the market, and decided to humiliate the thief who he
knew had no healing powers. He'd reckon alchemy is a thing, but there's so much stuff that can't be cured with an
antidote, right?'
Kanlax says 'Eventually the priest just decided to pretend being ill. He came over and said: "Can you help me? I have
lost my sense of taste." And Sanitas gave him a mixture, saying: "Try this, dear friend."'
Kanlax says 'The priest sipped the mixture and threw up almost immediately: "Urgh! That's stinking kerosene oil!
Blegh!" - "Ah", Sanitas said. "Your sense of taste returned. Thirty gold, please."'
Kanlax says 'The priest frowned, but thinking that he'll have another chance later, paid the gold and left.'
Kanlax says 'The next day he came over again, saying: "Can you help me? I have lost my memory." - "No problem", Sanitas
said, and handed him the very same mixture from yesterday.'
Kanlax says '"What? Are you really thinking kerosene oil will cure this?" - the priest began, then bit his tongue.
"Looks like you regained your memories", said Sanitas. "Thirty gold, please".'
Kanlax says 'The next day the priest came over wearing a blindfold and with a walking stick. "Hello", he said. "Am I at
Sanitas' Mixtures? Can you help me? I lost my sight."'
Kanlax says '"Welp..." Sanitas said. He untied the priest's blindfold and looked him in the eyes. "Nope", he then said
cheerfully. "I can't cure this. Here's your bank receipt for sixty gold."'
Kanlax says 'The priest took the receipt and headed out but then exclaimed: "Wait wait wait, this is a receipt for
sixty COPPER!"'
Kanlax says '"Ah", Sanitas said. "I conclude that your sight is cured now. Thirty gold, please."'
Kanlax says 'Moral: He who mischief hatches, mischief catches.'
Kanlax says 'The End.'
***Deh Gnome Slave by Zugnu which won Third Place***
Zugnu says 'The gnome lays prone, him strength is sapped and gone.'
Zugnu says 'His eyes sunken, black orbs dat scream despair.'
Zugnu says 'His hands are scarred wit white, contrasting tuh '
Zugnu says 'duh black of earth and rock that he doth toil.'
Zugnu says 'His blood doth fall like rivers of red ruby,'
Zugnu says 'Falling, falling, like streams of death en pain.'
Zugnu takes a quick pause in breath.
Zugnu says 'The udder slaves nuh longer care tuh live,'
Zugnu says 'For hope, like backs have long since broken down.'
Zugnu says 'Even boulders do turn tuh grains of sand.'
Zugnu says 'But gnome, hes strung, he tinks of his dear wife.'
Zugnu says 'Her lilting voice, twinkling eyes and crinkling nose.'
Zugnu says 'For all his hope is her and she his hope. '
Zugnu says 'The two are duh one and duh same for him.'
Zugnu wipes mockingly a tear from his left eye.
Zugnu says 'His face slowly turns to the night-time sky.'
Zugnu says 'Though chains of steel do keep his body still,'
Zugnu says 'his mind is free to roam the land he yearns.'
Zugnu says 'Closing him eyes he dreams of what could be,'
Zugnu says 'away from orcs, away from slavery.'
Zugnu bows deeply.
***And it happened again! by Tyiquazza***
Tyiquazza says 'Twas the usual gloomy darkness illuminated by rare torches in Aran'gird.'
Tyiquazza says 'Shadows were clearly outclassing the light as I walked purposefully towards the distant screams.'
Tyiquazza says 'Squeezing past the scowling guards, I pushed the door with the large black dragon drawn on it.'
Tyiquazza says 'In the small room beyond He awaited me impatiently. '
Tyiquazza says 'Glaring my bowing figure up and down, He barked to help with the questioning in the Trial Room, the
presence of which was evident by the continuous screams from the inside. '
Tyiquazza says 'Nodding my quick acceptance, I rushed in, barely daring to pause after opening the door for the smell
inside was something horrible and utterly disgusting.'
Tyiquazza says 'Two tired muscled mates were working on some pointy-ear, who had a fairly good reason to keep
screaming. '
Tyiquazza says 'They looked up at me and stepped aside, gesturing at the elf, or rather what remained of her. '
Tyiquazza says 'It evidently was a she, albeit it was hard to tell from all the blood. '
Tyiquazza says 'Weaving my magic, I made the strands of Probing and Listening to assess how long I had to work with her
before she passed. '
Tyiquazza says 'Sadly, the pinky finger was just off and Probing weaved to Prodding.'
Tyiquazza says 'Not again, I cursed loudly as the weave collapsed and with my gaze and anger pointed at the elf,'
Tyiquazza says 'I accidentally made a Chill from the remaining strands as it was one of the first weaves I learned.'
Tyiquazza sighs to herself. What a sorry sight.
Tyiquazza says 'Her body gave out as there wasn't much left to survive even the low-powered accidental Chill.'
Tyiquazza says 'Sighing loudly, I closed my eyes in exasperation and dreaded the punishment. It happened again. '
Tyiquazza says 'I was not a good student of Magic. '
Tyiquazza bonks herself and grimaces in pain.
***The Cycle by Qarodeth recited by Saeorad on his behalf***
You say 'Flickering, floating, drifting effortlessly across the wild and wayward winds.'
You say 'Charred ember, buoyantly blowing by with the faintest glow against the dark sky.'
You say 'Dimly, dully illuminated with a dingy and diminishing ruddy amber hue.'
You say 'Silently breathing the last living breath while dancing with a natural grace.'
You say 'Exhaling the final vile and acrid vision of venomous visible vapors.'
You say 'Crashing gently into the bountiful macrocosm of terrestrial terra firma.'
You say 'Sputtering, darkening, crumbling with the last few crackles of tinder conflagration.'
Saeorad pauses for breath a moment.
You say 'Cooling before the embrace of the boisterously rolling wilderness breeze.'
You say 'Faint kindling, sharing bodily warmth amongst tightly tingling tubular tinder.'
You say 'Staunchly supporting the first glowing footprints snaking and trailing along.'
You say 'Puffs and trails of cloudy haze arise mimicking the flicking drake's tongue.'
You say 'Imbibing the crisply flowing air currents, drinking them wholly, unending.'
You say 'Arching now beyond ember, flickering, licking, extending toward the expanse.'
You say 'White.. Blue.. Red.. Orange.. Amber.. Gold.. Glowing.. Raging.. Growing..'
You say 'Engulfing..'
You nod.
Ishuli whacks someone upside the head with a massive metal-bound tome!
Ishuli's canoewhack does UNSPEAKABLE things to Aarusemilar!
Aarusemilar is DEAD!!
Someone splatters blood on your armor.
Squeegle's kicked dirt misses Goroch.
Goroch yells 'Die, Squeegle! You dirty fool!'
Ishuli whacks Squeegle upside the head with a massive metal-bound tome!
Ishuli's canoewhack does UNSPEAKABLE things to Squeegle!
Squeegle is DEAD!!
S
queegle spills his guts all over the floor.
**Wasn't even aware he was there, apparently he snuck in and stole in front of the Tribunal God in her own Shrine during an even she was hosting... probably not the wisest choice! Squeegle saw combat and apparently thought Goroch attacked him so kicked dirt in his eyes. Was certainly a bit of a shocking end to this story!
***Hope and Poetry in an Orcish Rut by Takaeshi***
Takaeshi says 'With buggedy blood-shot yellow-red eyes, cataract'd an' oh so dim'
Takaeshi says 'and a visage that'd shatter silvered mirrors with ease, in a sea of ugly she did swim.'
Takaeshi says 'So repulsive was she that mother's whelping was forced, call it anything else but not love'
Takaeshi says 'as if from birth, an ill-fated existence had been decreed by gods below an' above.'
Takaeshi says 'In high-pitched, caterwauling screams she did cry- give her elfin blood or face her wrath!'
Takaeshi says 'And many a settlement might well have appeased her if ever she'd bothered with a bath.'
Takaeshi says 'But as beautiful as the rarest twilight an' dew-kissed rose- she was to the males of her village.'
Takaeshi says 'Besotted to a one with this beautiful ruin in their midst that they all longed to pillage.'
Takaeshi says 'Snarling and slobbering barely under control, they extolled her virtues so foul'
Takaeshi says 'and in vying for her most lurid affections they would posture, stomp and howl!'
Takaeshi says 'But a lesson there is, here to be learned, by all who might dare sit and judge'
Takaeshi says 'who is or isn't as beauteous a creature based on fetid stink, pustules or pudge.'
Takaeshi says 'It's true what they say about beauty's beholder, and this is all that you need'
Takaeshi says 'that in the fertile soil of two lonely hearts, love will germinate and grow from this seed.'
Takaeshi says 'So whether common or radiant or utterly befouled, cling to hope that as time is measured'
Takaeshi says 'one day you'll find a true heart all your own, so like this orc-ess you will be treasured!'
Takaeshi manages a foppish bow of sorts.
***Time At Sea by Vramun which won Second Place***
Vramun straights slightly standing a little taller.
Vramun says 'Many of you will not know this, but in my youth I spent many a year at sea.'
Vramun says 'During this time, I met one Captain, who was well known for his ability to navigate through the harshest
of seas.'
Vramun says 'But he was not without his rituals, every morning he would awake lock himself in his cabin'
Vramun says 'He would then sit at his desk and unlock a small goldbound chest'
Vramun says 'Opening it he would take a piece of paper from the chest'
Vramun says 'Stare at it for several minutes lips moving slowly as his eyes scanned it over and over'
Vramun says 'This went on for years until one day old age claimed him and the note was left for the next captain'
Vramun says 'This captain went through the same ritual believing it would bring him the same fortune at sea'
Vramun says 'Taking the note he examined it closely and burst out laughing when he read four words'
Vramun pauses a moment.
Vramun says 'Port Left ... Starboard Right'
Vramun gallantly tips his hat.
***Those First Peoples by Squeegle***
Squeegle says 'Back before de gnomes come for are holes. And before deh man built hims town... Was us.'
Squeegle says 'We talks of us before in the beginning times.'
Squeegle says 'Dere was no orc.'
Squeegle says 'Dere was no dwarf.'
Squeegle says 'Dere was not many elfs.'
Squeegle says 'Buncha horeman ting though.'
Goroch says 'Speak straight runt. Whores?'
Squeegle says 'Horseman.'
Squeegle points excitedly at Kanlax!
Squeegle says 'Back den we jyst live the land. Make small things to remember things like spitis and maybe young gods.'
Squeegle says 'We say even that we come from where the Sun rise across a big water.'
Squeegle says 'With Blue-kins.'
Squeegle says 'That sounds dumb doh.'
Goroch says 'Might be true. Even blue-kins have garbage and rodent will follow.'
Squeegle says 'And it said dat when we did, we was smart and we buid tings for even dragons and elfs.'
Squeegle says 'But den someting happens and now we don't. And dey take our tings and run us away.'
Squeegle says 'Den dey try kill us so blue-skins dig deep and we swims till we find trees to hde in.'
Squeegle says 'Den deh gnome come and deh man and dey kill us. And we get sour. Now we kill dem to survive.'
Squeegle says 'So maybe I shoot you all in eye if you wreck my home.'
Squeegle says 'I learn dis from Deh Lily and deh Shaman some and a singer in some burny woods.'
Squeegle says 'Deh end.'
Ishuli says 'I will say that one line caught me off guard.'
Goroch says 'Horeman?'
Tyiquazza says 'He a ho an a man?'
Takaeshi says 'I did miss that one too, though if he was saying it on the spot I'll definitely cast no stones'
Irikdriby says to Takaeshi 'Accents can be fickle.'
Squeegle says 'Oh. Yeah. Hard speak when Goddess smash my teef out wif metal book. Seriouly... Who does dat?'
And at the end because it was a bit amusing.
You music 'The Winners are....'
You music 'Second place is Vramun with Time At Sea!'
You music 'Third place is Zugnu with Deh Gnome Slave!'
You music 'And for our First Place....'
You music 'Kanlax with Healer's Gambit is our First place winner!!!'
Squeegle yells 'Totally rigged sys'm! Yer all losig eyes! Bigly!'
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We'll try to work out a new date soon.