1. That intro, it smells like typical american selling letter. Quite agressive, I would say. Ask players what they think about it? Its good but quite agressive and in Russia people dont like such style because its looks like "agressive advertising". But in USA many use it, so I wont say it is not working. Ask opinions of others?

2. You mentioned flaws - certainly good idea. Maybe elaborate this a bit more? Like "Secondly, it may surprise you that the whole game is text based. While at first this seems out of place in our world of hyperplasmagraphix, I think it’s actually one of our greatest assets. CF is a place where you’re imagination determines what you “see.”"

and add that after several hours of playing you will feel more or less comfortable with it and after few weeks you wont notice this at all. Your imagination will do the work, and trust me, it will do it not worse than any graphic.

And add some more here "Probably the biggest downfall of new players is that there IS a learning curve. ".

Many different fonts and colors make it annoying to read. Final copy should be more...hm, calm (if this is permittable word). Use bold and heading to emphasize some words, that should be enough

Good copy, I like it, just doubt a bit about this agressive "I am your friend" style.