Role

Chapter 17

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| I've been uneasy for some time with the teachings of
| Alanathariella. It's not that I doubt her knowledge, you have only to
| look into her eyes to see her success. It is her emphasis on formal
| weavings, formulae and ordered patterns of magic that bother me. She
| has us practicing standard weaving techniques over and over again. I
| believe her orderly approach to magic will eventually limit us from
| making the next leap forward in our craft.
| Perhaps it's just the impetuous of youth, of the maiden, to doubt her,
| but I feel it in my very soul. I may well be wrong, but I will never
| truly know if I do not try.
|
| There are two main points on which we disagree. The first is that
| I believe our animal forms come from within us and that this insistence
| on a choice of focus is irrelevant. Of course, Alanathariella believes
| this is nonsense, and says so every time I bring it up.
|
| The second and more important point is that I believe one needs to
| embrace their animal instincts to better their weave. It is through
| such an embrace that new insights into the weave itself can be gleaned.
| This is why I think Alanathariella is holding us and to a lesser extent
| herself back. By only studying the formal weavings, we will never gain
| the next level of insight to better our weave and truly become one with
| our inner beasts. She seems on the cusp of it, but I intend to try and
| take it further.
|
| I do not know what forms will manifest within myself, in truth, it
| does not matter as long as they are a true reflection of my inner
| being, as I believe they will be. I fear there is nothing more I can
| learn here. I will never find my first form in this place and under her
| instruction. So I am leaving to seek myself in the woodlands. It is
| only there that I will be able to release my first form from my being.
|
| Alanathariella herself wished me well, and bade me to return if I
| grew tired of the wild woodlands. I am glad for that, but I wonder what
| she will do when I return to the city one day and deprive her of the
| services of the merchants and those guards that always looked askance
| at me?
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