Cyradia | Sat 10-Mar-07 02:15 PM |
Member since 26th Jan 2005
163 posts
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#1023, "Specific Role Comments"
Edited on Sat 10-Mar-07 04:03 PM
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Kaasi This is a fine standard role to justify your cabal choice. Consider adding more chapters to add some additional depth as the character ages. (I see you added one later on, after the role contest and after I’d read this role.)
Zakar 80 characters per line, yo! This is a good role. I like the format in that you start out with a good background story, where obviously you’ve thought out the character. Then you also add chapters for important life events.
Sokde Decent, bare minimum background. I like that you’ve added “journal type” updates and they’re a fun read, but they’re kind of all over the place and I’m not sure what to take from them. Jumps back and forth a lot from 1st person to 3rd. I’ve seen great roles using either, but if you want to use both in the same entry consider making it more obvious when and why you’re transitioning.
Calahir - Deleted before contest over!
Jrhurg Mrhurg – Didn’t want any comments
Hrudgir Hirsget – Deleted!
Eled – Con Died?
Iia Good Introduction, but left me wanting more - especially given how old and active this character is. Would have really liked to have seen sphere choice and a particular thing referenced in the role spelled out more!
Frajalar* I think the reason I selected this for recognition was the prologue entry. It was just a well written, good length, story that I could really see as I was reading it.
Naloril* Great description of the char! Can really imagine the described character. Excellent story describing your cabal choice.
Verakh This role is, um, something! I’m not sure I have very much that would be appropriate to comment here. I would encourage you to kind of have a plan more for your next role and develop your character out instead of just rehashing common cabal theories/beliefs. I know there were “non-essay” parts of your role, but those left me quite perplexed.
Trebilco* LONG! I appreciate your enthusiasm for story telling, but there is some balance to be had between details and finding a reasonable length that people can read and absorb. I think the first story (how you got to your guild) could have been told in a shorter fashion without losing much.
Sekhuroth Good Basic Role. Kind of wordy for not much meat, but good imagery/ideas. It’s also possible I just don’t get it.
Taelina I’m guessing English isn’t your first language, but I still thought the story idea was a neat one. I wish your character had stuck to it a little more in her life.
Ghraln Good basic background role. Good set-up for your religion and character detail painting.
Ahiviln I think your using stream of consciousness could be a good tool for giving the reader an insight into the character’s head. However, I think this could be strongly, strongly improved by doing more set-up explaining what’s going on. Less quantity, more quality!
Zel That’s a lot of role. Easy, enjoyable read. I think you might need to also work on the balance between details and a reasonable length for a reader to digest. I, personally, would vote for less ‘day to day’ life stuff and more substance. However, if you enjoy writing them, go for it!
Aldran Good googely moogley, man! Really freaking long...and a dense read.
Ofizal Good Culty role. I really like the way “evil” is portrayed in the background story.
Veanik – Deleted?
Nuloh* I selected this one out just because it was a solid role. It was a little different, it painted a good character foundation, etc.
Anildor I like this role, but the entries I liked the most were already handled in last month’s role contest. I do like how you also used the role command to communicate and define “things” for your character.
Vassten I don’t really get what you were getting at with this role. Maybe it makes a lot of sense in your religion?
Eulinda Nothing wrong with this role, but it’s very, very minimal.
Rusylael I like how this role incorporates character path/skill choices, in an in character way. I always am a sucker for that (why you picked your spec, why you picked your terrain, your repertoire, etc, etc.)
Hunsobo While, I wasn’t especially moved by this role on a creativity/contest winner level, I have to give a lot of credit to the fact I can read it and get a really good idea as to who this character is. I might not have watched you a lot as you ranked, but reading this role I can catch myself up on your past. I’m not sure I’m explaining that well, but it’s one of my points in my ‘general tips’ post on this thread.
Algrahk That was a little far out there for me, but hey…if you’re enjoying to role more power to you.
Toramok I don’t feel I ever quite understood the story this role was trying to tell..
Chiji Man, I hate to be down on something where someone is being creative – but that style is damn hard to read!
Torin OK basic role.
Brinkmun* I thought this was a good, different role for your cabal choice. Easy read and a good story. I, personally, would prefer to see these backgrounds laid at an earlier rank.
Burkuz OK basic role.
Zherdov Hi, I’m Cyradia the Demon Goddess. That is all.
Tallanalas* This wasn’t a very well written role (maybe English isn’t your first language?) but the concept was kind pretty fresh.
Vessit* I really liked this role. I would have loved to see extra ‘as the character grows’ entries, but I really enjoyed the background story that’s here.
Naarai OK basic role.
Jhoruim Good basic role
Fiene I really liked this role. It’s just a very fun story that I completely enjoyed.
Kedylia Good basic role
Dyneli I thought this was a cool role, and I especially like the stream of updates. Makes it very useful.
Ilden* I liked this role because it was well written, yet fairly simple, but still put a cool spin on an evil character/religion combo.
Waserax See the comments on Hunsobo and apply them here.
Gaerhun Good standard role.
Kaindhin Good standard role. I thought this role had a lot of potential if you’d kinda followed through with the purpose of the things in the story and followed-up with how the character grew.
Maethron Good basic role.
Victoria Good basic role. Nice little twist.
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February Role Contest Winners
[View all] , Cyradia, Tue 06-Mar-07 09:25 PM
Did notes go out yet?,
Runner-Up (Guest),
16-Mar-07 06:41 AM, #9
Yup,
Cyradia,
16-Mar-07 06:44 AM, #10
Specific Role Comments,
Cyradia,
10-Mar-07 04:03 PM #2
RE: Specific Role Comments,
Calahir (Guest),
10-Mar-07 05:48 PM, #3
RE: Specific Role Comments,
Cyradia,
10-Mar-07 05:52 PM, #4
Hope we see more of this in all those role contest!,
Beer,
10-Mar-07 09:35 PM, #5
This wasn't a very well written comment..=),
Tallanalas (Guest),
12-Mar-07 08:56 AM, #6
RE: This wasn't a very well written comment..=),
Jynx,
15-Mar-07 09:19 PM, #7
RE: This wasn't a very well written comment..=),
Cyradia,
15-Mar-07 09:24 PM, #8
I'll tell you what.,
Tallanalas (Guest),
26-Mar-07 07:57 AM, #14
I'm ok with this.,
Cyradia,
26-Mar-07 08:01 AM, #15
I still don't get it.,
Tallanalas (Guest),
07-Apr-07 02:19 PM, #21
Sheesh, lighten up.,
Quixotic_LZ (Guest),
27-Mar-07 09:43 AM, #16
You are an ungrateful douchebag. F### Off. (nt),
Lord-SMUG (Guest),
28-Mar-07 08:37 AM, #17
Since I deleted: For Cyradia,
Zherdov (Guest),
18-Mar-07 08:21 PM, #11
RE: Since I deleted: For Cyradia,
Cyradia,
20-Mar-07 07:48 AM, #12
I actually think the Lloth demon goddess,
Guy (Guest),
26-Mar-07 07:57 AM, #13
Thanks for the helpful info. Could ya tell me what you ...,
Krilcov Krieger,
29-Mar-07 06:15 AM, #18
RE: Thanks for the helpful info. Could ya tell me what ...,
Cyradia,
29-Mar-07 07:01 AM, #19
Purchasing the PBF this weekend. nt,
Krilcov Krieger,
29-Mar-07 10:54 PM, #20
General Comments,
Cyradia,
10-Mar-07 03:10 PM, #1
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