>So let's just grab the bull by the horns, kick it in the
>groin, and talk about it.

Lets try not to get Vlad banned in the process.

>Speaking for myself, it amounts, essentially, to a desire to
>play the game like anyone else and be reasonably left alone
>about it.

To be blunt, you don't play the game like just anyone else. You have an intimate knowledge of the hardest areas/mobs/wands and most obscure facets of the code. That gives you an advantage available only to other people who are imps. To be honest I would say your knowledge of the game mechanics is probably second to none (Though Arvam would give you a run for your money I bet) and your knowledge of eq/areas is unquestionably the strongest. In a game like CF, that knowledge gives you an immense leg up over "anyone else".

>People don't become imms because they hate playing CF. By and
>large, we want to stick around because we love the game, and
>while we want to contribute to it in other ways, the spark
>that made us want to in the first place never really dies.

Nor should it. I don't think anyone is suggesting the imms stop playing mortals. I do however think you have a skewed idea of what it is to be "just" a player, because of the sheer amount of insight you have into how the game works and what is where.

>Frankly, there is no policy or attitude towards imms
>continuing to play the game that would make all of the players
>happy. Not one. I've played games where the volunteer staff
>wasn't permitted to play at all, and it's not a solution. It
>seems like one in the short term, but a year or two later you
>get why it isn't.

No, I wouldn't like this because that would put the staff even more out of touch with the players.

>So we play. I won't apologize for that.

I don't think anyone ever suggested you do.

>Sometimes, like anyone else, we play because there's a role
>idea we have that we think is cool. Sometimes there's an area
>or set of areas we want to explore. Sometimes it sounds like
>fun or it's a good way to kill time. Sometimes we see a cabal
>that's losing badly and want to try to play the underdog and
>equalize things a little.

Spiffy.

>Sometimes we play a new or revamped class or class combination
>that hasn't seen much play yet in order to try to find the
>problems or fix the bugs in it, and god help us if it takes
>trying something out in play to see if it's balanced or works
>right before we fix it.

Not that I'm accusing you, but some on the staff have been known to abuse things that need "fixing", but of course it doesn't get done till the character is gone. These kinds of things cause a good chunk of the problems people have with imms playing mortals. You guys have all the control, and when an immortal is left to run loose doing thats that a normal player would get at the very least slain for, it sets tongues wagging.

>But sometimes, like anyone else, we just want to play the
>game. Really play. To take something you think could be
>tough and just play the hell out of it and see if you can
>accomplish half as much as you think you can.

But how tough is it when you already have a leg up over people?

>When I play, I don't want 50 tons of baggage to come with it.
>I don't want to have to defend daily whether the way I killed
>you was a smart, innovative tactic or a "obvious bug." I
>don't want to have to explain to you that the "super-secret
>item "I have is, in fact, something I got by tripping the last
>guy who had it to death. I don't want to have to tell you
>that other the limit-4 "super-secret item" I have was maxed
>out the first time I tried to get it, so obviously at least
>four someones who aren't me must also know how to get it. I
>don't want to have to read you second-guessing the choice if I
>end up tattooed, in a cabal leadership position, or if I get a
>quest spell. I don't want to have to deal with OOC tells
>trash-talking me twice a day.

To be honest, if you don't do things that will set people off there's no reason why anyone could ever really do any of those things. Take Kasty/Kargh. Nobody ever even hinted (to my knowledge) that anything was inappropriate about Karghulin. Kasty came right out and admitted to being the player when the character was gone. There was no ####storm of critics coming out of the woodwork. Why? Because there was never any question that everything was done on the up and up. Nobody ever saw him doing shady (IE things another player would get ROTD'd for) things. Certain immortals have more than once been in the center of some EXTREMELY shady things, and these people tend to be in these situations repeatedly. The more it happens with certain people, of course the less the playerbase is going to trust in the fairness and honesty of said staffer.

>I sure as hell don't want to read fabrications and #### for
>eight years after I play a character from the very small but
>vocal chunk of the playerbase who will seize on a small truth
> e.g. Nepenthe played Istendil) and use it to tell ridiculous
>but sinister-seeming lies for years until even sane people are
>starting to believe it might be true (e.g. Istendil was part
>of an all-imm engineered team to take over Empire, Istendil
>had a full set of A/B/S the day barrier wands went in,
>Istendil mudsexxored with kobolds.) The most frustrating part
>of that syndrome, really, is that some of the worst offenders
>are people who seem rational, normal, and likeable 99% of the
>time until the just start making #### up.

Speaking only for myself, these things start to happen after the previously shady things start to appear. I backed you up 100% when speculation started that you played Cabdru. But to be perfectly blunt after everything started to come out about the character I felt kind of like I had been backing up someone who maybe wasn't entirely on the up and up. I'll be frank, someone else who also won the exact same role contest and got the same level of recognition got nothing as a reward, and you got a point over your racial max in int. You have to understand how that makes people feel, and how it looks to even people who weren't predisposed to distrusting you. Your fiance' judges the role contest, and then you get a reward out of line with what other people who also won recieved. Coupled with the rumors (many of which to be equally frank came from people who were/still are on the staff) about tinkering with eq, the way things progged in ways they shouldn't have, and really what other reaction do you expect but mistrust? Then Valg attacking people on the forums who speculated that you were Cabdru was just the #### icing on the cake of bad feelings. Those speculators were right, but the attempt was made to make them look like paranoid freaks. Thats just not right. Either don't say anything or own up to it, but don't ####ing parade people out like paranoid morons when they were right.

>I don't want to deal with any of that ####. I just want to
>play the ####ing game. To compete, win, and lose like anyone
>else. To make friends and enemies, laugh about it when it's
>all said and done, maybe share a log or point out moments of
>brilliance or stupidity.

But you're NOT like anyone else. The fact that you have such an intimate knowledge of the game that is unavailable to anyone else is just not something that can or should be overlooked.

>This a game of players with colorful personalities and big
>egos. It's a game of intensely competetive people. These
>are, incidentally, some of the things we all love about it.
>If you think there's any way besides an attempt at
>anonymity to get something resembling a fair shot at just
>playing the game in a community like ours, I'd like to hear
>it.

Kasty seemed to do just fine with it. Always has. Arvam could take your own weapon away from you and ass#### you with it, but he never had huge ####storms surround his characters (yeah a few people griped about Lariya but not nearly as many as have been up in arms over Cabdru). Other staffers have played mortals, cabal leaders and kickass characters without a whiff of controversy. Maybe you need to lok at the circumstances that cause the controversy if you want to avoid it, instead of just pretending you didn't play certain characters.