Role

Chapter 9

I am sorry to say it, but how hard I combat the inclination to feel low after
being within your light, Lyeeth.

How slow and deliberate my tale unwinds, whilst you, an elf, seem to have
already lived dozens of my lifetimes. Where does your energy come from? And
why would a star as yourself have such interest in me, plain magistrate Ilise?

There is so much to do, so much I haven't done, and when with you, I feel
only further behind, on everything. And oh, how a most shameful resentment
tries to invade my heart, repelled only by active prayer and meditation such
as this.

I don't know why I try to impress you, try to be swift like you. I am no
entertainer. I am no elf. I just... I suppose I envy your spirit. How much
you accomplish, how much joy you bring to the world, how devout you are in
your faith... (curious as it is).

Yet next to you I feel weak. Naive. Needful. I am not some magically angelic
figure, full of natural wisdom and charity. So much of me is still that lonely
girl in Udgaard, wanting to be a fighter like her brother, wanting to please
others, wanting to be more like those she admires.

Do I still really concern myself with such?

You bring out a humanity within me that is real, Lyeeth. But when I pray
to my true faith, I am so warmly reminded of the path that will take me to
the person that I earnestly wish to become. That I am becoming, even.

Truly, I do not like rushing. No. Perhaps if one is to race through all
doorways, down all spurs and trails and back, one can indeed find the
discoveries she seeks. That will never be my way. I must remember that the
light I seek is eternal. I have the time to chart each course before I sail.