Role

Chapter 11

Had an interesting conversation with Sand recently. I told it I hated
it, and it claimed to hate me too. We talked about how kissing the Dread
Lady after I forced her to don flesh was ruined by her having a mouthful
of sand. And how sand gets into the worst places that is just isn't meant
to be in. I'm not sure why Sand hates me, though.

I cut myself shaving this morning. Well, rather, one of the Imperial
concubines did. She screamed, wept, and begged for forgiveness. I merely
looked at her, but soon the Mistress of the Concubines came to see what
the screaming was about, summoned guards, and had her hauled away to be...
something. It doesn't really matter.

The point is, it was a fairly deep cut. On my neck. Perhaps she did it on
purpose. I can't really make myself care. I'm losing my fear of death, as
I get older.

Someone impersonated me and wrote some rather stupid scrolls to the Empire.
Some nonsense about a decree about having to own a pet. I quickly penned
a scroll reversing the decree. I don't dare command the Imperial Armies to
search for the imposter, though...they'll use it as an excuse to pull me down.

They are all trying to do it. They pledge allegiance but the way they shift
their eyes...I can't trust them. Any of them.

I want to die. They want me to die. Nobody wants me alive. Perhaps father would
have. But he's dead. Would be dead even if he was alive, I'm so old...does that
make sense?

Make me die...