Role

Chapter 18

From the journal of Be'ellassanall'an, dated:
29th of the Month of the Dark Shades in the year 439

I have decided to retire from this life of daring, and step down as an Acolyte
of the Golden Sun. I have let myself down enough times over the years, one
would think I would be used to it. But no. The sting is ever greater no matter
how often it comes. And I fear that now, with so much responsibility and
expectation upon me, I cannot bear to taint the the Fortress I have longed to
be a part of my entire life.

I feel very fortunate to have been able to enter there, to experience what it
would be like to be such a brave bastion of all that is Light and Holy and
Good! But I knew from the beginning that I was not worthy in those halls. I
fear I took advantage of those good and loving people, who wished to see me
for what I desired to become rather than what I am. And what am I? Just a
foolish, drunken comedian from the streets of Galadon who has honed his art to
the degree that even the best of the land are fooled.

Well, shame on me. My dreams are not more important than The Golden Fortress
or the position of Acolyte that I was granted. The Lady Azorinne saw me for
what I am, one struggling to be the paragon I needed to be and failing. But
She believed in me! And I, as is my truest nature, have let Her down.

Well, there is nothing for it. I have made my decision. I believe I shall
return to Darsylon, where I know my family still resides. I have seen them,
but have stayed away. For what reason? I do not feel I belong, I suppose. An
elf with no grasp of his own people's true spirit. They are proud and strong,
while I am... well I am me. But perhaps they will accept me, and perhaps I can
learn. I must try. For otherwise, I am a ship without a port.

I lave this journal here. Perhaps someone will find it, and know my truest
intentions, my struggles, and my thoughts. If so, dearest reader, you have
meant more to me than you will ever know. Fare thee well!