Role

Chapter 6

Ignolmeer spoke with Lea again, at length this time. He was quick to point out
the contradictions in her beliefs, seizing on the paradox that is her devotion
to Jormyr and her acknowledgment of her own goals and desires. She knows that
everything she does is ultimately futile in the eyes of her Lord, and that
almost the entire history of mortal existence is one of people like her trying
and failing to make a meaningful impact on their world, but so far she has been
unable to dismiss her goals. For Jormyr, it seemed acceptable that Lea continue
to pursue her goals, so long as she understood their futility.

Lea's beliefs are fairly well formed at this point, but she struggles to give
voice to them the way a priest or preacher might. She has a deeply internalized
belief that Light and Dark are foolish concepts. They both distract people from
the more important war against magic, and prevent people from acknowledging how
meaningless their actions are, which in turn prevents them from enjoying life
as much as they might otherwise. After all, to Lea, if all actions and beliefs
have no ultimate meaning, everyone is free to pursue their own however they see
fit, which appeals to her because it ensures that there will always be conflict
and that she will always have another fight in front of her.

She is neutral - the middle path is one that may lead her to seem selfish, at
times. She wouldn't call herself such but she wouldn't mind if others thought
her so. It is important to her to not react poorly when she loses fights that
she didn't start, because she expects the same from others. It is very
important to her to make sure that her and those around her always have someone
to fight. One of the biggest ways she has changed since her youth is that she
genuinely enjoys war and combat, instead of simply thinking that war and combat
are important. They make her feel alive, full of energy. The adrenaline rush
from a kill, and the even greater rush from a mage kill, are what she lives for
now.

Ignolmeer's prodding will probably keep her from straying into the truly evil
path that she could have gone down if left to Jormyr's faith by herself. She is
inclined to say that her goals and the things she likes are better than the
other things there are to like in the world, but she will eventually give up
trying to convince others of that - what's the point? She probably won't become
what the elf lord seems to want, which is a reflective soul who acknowledges
that they are trying to make the world a better place for others - she is too
devoted to her Lord Jormyr, and fear of his wrath is a great motivator for her
even if she were more swayed by Ignolmeer's pontificating.

She might take up drinking. Hah!