The evolution of my enjoyment of this thing we call "roleplay". Yes, I'll eventually bring it around to a point about cf.


I started young. After catching pneumonia one summer at a Swim Meet when I was 10 years old (a sickness that would prevent me from using my Cantebury woods swim team butterfly record time for my age group to join a special swim team) I would find Tolkien. It blew my socks off. Although, I admit, it wasn't until the 3rd or 4th time I read through the Lotr trilogy, a few years older, that I finally understood much of the story-line.

That total immersion into a completely different world just bursting with nobility and honor and righteousness hooked me. So I began to read alot more.

Not long after, RPG's came into my knowledge...D&D...AD&D...and others. Wow...not only could I completely enter a created world....but I could have a hand in CRAFTING and shaping this world, instead of being a passive observer in whichever person the author chose to put me in.


Well, that love of the CRAFTING of the world led me to the DM side of things....


Where my love of the crafting was tempered with all these farging RULES...


Keeping track of time....dice-role tables....creature stats....maps.....GOD HELP US...WHAT THE #### IS UP WITH MINIATURES!?!??!?!?!?!


I learned, I didn't like to deal with that so much...I would lovingly spend hours and hours over my character creation sheet....painstakingly crafting intricate backstories....then get bored out of my ass playing the actual game because of the mechanics.


And so I turned to just writing myself little stories, once I had a bit of the ability to write under my belt. And some huge stories that got started but only are finished in my head.


And then, years later...I talk with one of my friends from 7th-8th-9th grade, and he tells me of this online game...Cf.


I get on, and am blown away.


Here is all of the magic that I loved about roleplaying....and all of the mechanics are there....but hidden...automatically taken care of by the program!


Nolonger did I have to roll dice...nolonger did I have to keep track of time of day or mana or memorized spells!

And all was wonderful.


Until I started to attempt to enter the Adult world.


I've noticed that all of my cf children (those I introduced to the game) and all but one of my cf grandchildren (those introduced to the game by those I introduced to the game) have pretty much quit or migrated to the kind of cf'er who plays a character a year...and not for overly long.

And I've asked myself, why do I still play.

Because I still do love to immerse myself into a world and take part in it's shaping...I do still love to create interesting backstories....and love the ability to watch as those characters I have created grow and mature and often grow in directions that surprise even me.


But, I have to be realistic with myself. Between working 2 jobs to try to cover living expenses + Lupus treatment + school...and sleep...

I'll never be able to create another Grallon, or Motiak, or Sehvoor, or Odrirg, or Malzhaalohn.


While reading Card, or Niven, or Tolkien, or Gerrold, or Eddings....if I get a phone call 5 mins after picking up the book, I can set the book aside....and won't be punished for it.

If I have to drive a roomate to work 30 minutes after I pick up a book...the other characters in the book (and the author...imms...) don't accuse me of leaving in the middle of a raid...or right after a death or pk win...or of dropping link.

If I develop a severe case of the brown squirts 15 minutes into a login...I don't have to either drop link or close zmud and get link-slain by a pk or an imm when I read a book.


No other game out there gives me a 10th of the satisfaction as cf.

But....no other game out there that I play....City of heroes....Halo...halo2, SWKotOR,.....requires a 100'th of the CONSECUTIVE time block investment without interruption that cf demands.


can I play a char in cf that had 3-5 30 minute logins a day....3-5 days a week in cf?

Sure I can.

Will that character be fun?

Probably not for me.

You see....I hate ranking. I've never been good at it. Everyone I've known can rank.....and I just can't. I'll start a char...and TRY to rank...asking everyone I can to rank ....and one of my cf kids or grandkids would roll up a char when I was rank 23....and by the time I hit 36...they would be heroes already.

And what ranking group wants a 3rd who won't be on long enough to get them a rank or two? So ranking for me gets even worse....we are talking months to get up to the fun pk game. (for me, fun pk is good and varied competition...with me and my foe both with access to a wide variety of tactics and skills)

And success in a cabal? Forget it! Talk about finding the inductor....then talk about getting him to interview you....that's an hour and a half time block when your phone can't ring...you can't go ####...you can't take your 13 year old dog out to piss or take the 15 mins it requires to get him to eat....you can't run your friend to work.......God forbid I have a chance at some sort of social interaction with a female on a regular basis...

then...if you get *IN* a cabal...success? nope. sure, I might be lucky enough to be logged on during a raid...or start one...but the time to see it through? the probability of getting negative marks for logging out at "opportune" times because of IRL?...high.


And empowerment...yeah...forget that too. I know I of all people can't complain about the empowerment process...I've had far too much success with it with a LONG string of characters who never had a problem with it(twice I've rolled a char and had it lvl 15 and in a cabal before hitting the 7 hour mark), and only 5 that did have trouble (5 chars who were seeking empowerment when the imm deleted or died or went away).


But could I be a good follower with 30 min logins? no.


So, I guess this long ramble after midnight...after having been up and Disney hopping with family since 5 am....is all about me lamenting the fact that I find it impossible for me to get they kind of "cf experience" that I desire....on the 30 minute login schedule....

And I'd even argue it wouldn't be possible on an 90 minute login schedule either.


And I think this, above all other reasons, is MAIN reason cf's playerbase loses dedicated and skilled and knowledgable players.


So, is success in cf (as I define it anyway...) doomed to remain the sole domain of the very young or those with minimal responsibilities, in a growing age when those young are continually finding the ......


Heh. Dog needed to eat and then go out, then I was on the phone again.... I remember that I had 4-5 more paragraphs that would sum up my ideas and ask pointed questions of the playerbase and immstaff...but I can't remember what exactly they were or where my thoughts were going .....so I'm going to stop now.


Maybe one of these days I'll be able to afford some sort of ADD medicine that will let me sit down long enough to actually write and author some of the stories floating around my head and take advantage of some of the publication opportunities I've been offered....until then, I guess I will continue puttering about cf with dissapointing characters with really great roles....but who get nowhere because I don't have the time. damnit