Damil Fischer the Breathless Ruminator, High Herald of the Eternal Star

Role

Chapter 14

Once more a familiar scene plays out at the Eternal Star. Damil and Zicdorgle
are having a discussion about the Becoming. Damil is expressing her
displeasure with the whole idea and Zicdorgle is focused on his own
self-destructive tendencies. This is what bothers Damil. In her mind,
Zicdorgle becoming an undead is effective suicide. It is a corruption of who
he was and he is too reckless and unwise to see it.

During this spat, Erorm arrives and overhears the conversation. He offers his
opinion. As a paladin, it is no surprise he has a negative opinion. And Damil
agrees with the paladin's position. Erorm, so blinded by his own views,
never even notices that nor does he notice that Damil is already frustrated.
He attacks Zicdorgle, and Damil tosses him out of the establishment. The pair
starts yelling at each other, though Zicdorgle shuts up when she expresses
her displeasure.

But frustration and displeasure are such soft words for what Damil is
experiencing. She is furious. In this moment she wants to kill them both for
this feeling. She does not know why. Erorm starts talking to her. He tells
her if the Inn helps Zicdorgle in his quest to become an undead that she too
will experience the same wrath he brought down upon the necromancer. And it
all becomes clear.

She is in love with the necromancer as he is now, flaws and all. And when he
brings up his effective suicide, it hurts her on a deeper level than she
realized. She wants to prevent him from doing such a stupid thing. And when
Erorm interrupted with violence, she saw him as interfering with her attempts
to save Zicdorgle. They are both on the same side, and he's making it
worse! And threatening her? Erorm clearly doesn't realize the pain the
Herald would feel if she had to see Zicdorgle like that.

And with all of this, a flood of other feelings washed over the woman. The
dam was broken and her life is no longer as grey as she once perceived.

Role

Chapter 13

It has been many years since Damil was named High Herald. It is not a
position she relished, but a position she felt a duty towards. It was
important that she continued to mark the history books, keep the Inn alive
and bring in new blood. And in doing so she accepted the fact she would
always feel a little distant from everyone. Fate has decreed she would not
truly love anyone and her elderly years would just be a vehicle towards the
Herald's future.

But things have a strange way of working out, especially when there is enough
time for feelings to grow and develop without forcing it. Pititti and
Zicdorgle are regulars at the Inn, and Damil, for the most part, welcomed
their company. In the case of Pititti, Damil thought she was fun and cute.
Eventually, Damil would start to claim she would kidnap Pititti from the
Skulls and adopt her! And yet, the Herald had a hard time recognizing she was
fond of the goblin.

Zicdorgle was another matter altogether. As a necromancer seeking to be a
Herald, he was an odd sort and Damil told herself she was not going to get
too attached. She got into many arguments and discussions with Zicdorgle
about his desire to follow through with the Becoming. It always ended up in
frustration and a hint of helplessness. He was stubborn and unhinged and
often told stories that could not be true. This was not a good man, and yet
when he asked her to do something for him, she was often quick to agree.

This much she recognized as a fondness. But in her mind, it could not be
anything all that deep. She was incapable of love, so surely she would not
fall for this garbage. She could not. It was not possible. Soon, though, she
will realize how wrong she is.

Role

Chapter 12

There are days when Damil sometimes wonders if she is cursed. Being a bit on
guard and being hypersensitive to perceived patterns can produce such
thoughts. Damil tells Celedyl that the next time they met, she wants to share
more of herself, and then Celedyl is gone. Damil asks Croder about their
connection and he's gone. Merthoc tells Damil she will be around and then
she's gone. Time and time again, Damil starts to open up and it ends up
being a false start. And all of this produces frustration and irritation. Is
it mourning?

All of it comes from a selfish place. How they should have stayed longer,
given her more of their time, did more for her and so on. Damil believes she
tries hard to understand others and to recognize deeper feelings from others.
That she tries hard to open up and there was simply not enough time. That she
tries to mimic certain behaviors. She remembers Garrick doesn't like fish.
She carries the veil Merthoc gave her. All the little things to show she's
paying attention or she can pretend to understand something like
sentimentality. So when they disappear, for one reason or another, Damil
cannot help but feel like it was a waste of time.

But Damil is wrong. Beneath it all, even she knows she's wrong. Every time
there is an attempt, successful or not, wisdom can be gained as long as one
is receptive to it. And beneath that perceived shallowness there is a deeper
current where feelings are developing and being experienced. Feelings are,
after all, often selfish. In her later years, Damil finally realized what she
was trying to express and understand all along. Love.

Role

Chapter 11

Damil has fairly poor understanding on how to handle her few feelings. But,
they tend to wash away quickly. While feelings of abandonment or frustration
are frequent, it is very rare she holds any grudges. It might be difficult to
trust, but it is not often that she keeps to his anger. And sometimes, the
little things are what matters the most.

Rarywey brought in a tank to the stage, something she remembered Damil
mentioning, so the shapeshifter could one day work on an act involving her
swan(or any other amphibious forms she may one day learn). At the same time,
the Goddess elevated Damil to a Master Chef of the Inn! It took Damil
decades, but it has happened, and there was gratitude that she was not
forgotten in this way. Damil also felt that she can now think of other arts
to try to master, though she would never abandon her post as Chef!

During this exchange, the subject of Tsiynil was brought up. The river nymph
was put on timeout for tricking Damil. It was a sort of show to help elevate
her trust in her Goddess once more. The gesture was recognized as a kind one
and perhaps not even one Damil even deserved. It is very rare for people to
give her so much of their time and consideration. But even then, given how
difficult it is to build trust, the shapeshifter is still on guard. Perhaps
one day, with more frequent visits she can find some sense of security with
others.

Role

Chapter 10

Once, when Damil was much younger, Rarywey mentioned she would be interested
to see where his natural curiosity would lead him. While he has had many
adventures, met many new people, prepared many dishes and had all kinds of
debates, no one could have foreseen the following misadventure.

Damil wanted to test something that he was entrusted with a long while ago,
and it led him hopping around from place to place in Thera. In the middle of
this experiment, he started to get hungry. At the time he found himself in
Ayr'trinil and he thought I can always see what the Arials have to offer by
way of food!

He found himself heading north into the Oddities Shop. That is where his
instincts guided him and he looked at what there was to offer. Damil noticed
what he saw was overpriced grapes and he had forgotten the warning back in
his initial studies to be wary of such things. So his curiosity was piqued.
Why were these grapes so expensive? They were bought, and he examined them.
He sensed a magical aura but no indication as to what they do.

A smarter, less impulsive man might have thought to ask around, or maybe not
risk anything at all. But instead he had to know what sort of effects they
would have! Down the hatch they went and it did not take him long to realize
he had bitten off more than he bargained for. The magic of the grapes forced
a painful and violent magical transformation into...a woman!

Fortunately, Damil is a shapeshifter, so new forms and magical
transformations come to him with ease. But unlike his other forms, he could
no longer go back to his old form. This feminine form is now the true form,
for better or for worse. But Damil is likely to take to it like a fish to
water. There is nothing Damil wanted to do that being a woman would be a
major setback after all!

Role

Chapter 9

Rarywey suggested that one day Tsiynil will tell Damil about herself at some
point. When next Damil visited Rarywey's shrine, it was Tsiynil that he had
a discussion with. Since it was his Goddess's shrine, and there was never a
mention about danger, Damil had the expectation of general safety from the
aspects of the shrine. It is a place he could feel safe and comfortable in so
he can further open himself up. That's how one can learn how to feel for
others. One has to be a little vulnerable.

Tsiynil's behavior was aggressive. At first, Damil just figured she was
teasing him or making a point of how she was in the past. That changed when
he walked into an obvious verbal trap. It ended up with her taking a chunk
out of his arm and telling him to leave. There was an implication she was
going to eat him if he stayed. He agreed to leave, saying he will come back
when she was less dangerous to him. As he left, Tysinil made it clear that
given how he tastes, she will always be dangerous.

And this devastated Damil. The emotional reaction was a bit stunning even for
him. If it was just annoyance or even a brief moment of fear, it would pass.
But it did not, and instead he felt loss and deep betrayal. Now the River,
the one where he was tasked to return to, is no longer safe to him. The
entire place's meaning to him has irrevocably changed. And Rarywey never
even warned him. For him, if she believed he was truly valuable(as she kept
on saying) she would have at least considered his safety. Then he started to
consider if he could ever come back.

In the end, he decided he would come back. But he would have to stay on land
(even if he often more comfortable in the water) and always on guard. He
would just fall back on old habits and never have an expectation that he will
ever feel that anyone cares. But at the very least he could say he didn't
break his agreement to keep returning.

Role

Chapter 8

"An Elf will never truly care about you."

These are words that Damil heard from Vethi in regards to Celedyl. The
shapeshifter knew that that the assassin was probably just trying to throw
him off guard or put a wedge between him and his developing friendship with
the elf. But it was still a verbalization of things that Damil
"suspected." That no one actually cared about him(and especially not an
elf or wood-elf). And why would they? His life will go by in a flash. And he
never felt deeply for anyone either, and the best he could do is do his best
to fake it.

Outwardly, Damil thanked Vethi for the advice and warning but stated that he
would be fine. It is best to give people at least a small chance for a
developing friendship after all! Damil also knew to moderate expectations.
People will often favor duty over friendship and will rarely take the time to
even consider connection. Connection is often taken for granted, and Damil
suspected because it comes naturally for most people. However, even with the
logic to moderate expectations, one cannot help one's feelings.

When his parents abandoned him, Damil just dismissed any feelings that could
be born out of this. In fact, it was just created as logic. People will just
abandon you when you are no longer worth it to them. Add an attempt to add
feelings, and one creates an individual who will not handle abandonment or
any suggestion of it. And if they don't care, they will leave.
Unfortunately, Celedyl did leave the realms which feed into these abandonment
and attachment issues. And it was further proof that an elf would not care
about him.

Of course there is that feeling Rarywey, a wood-elf goddess, is feeding him
nonsense about him being valuable. Damil can't help but study and analyze
every single action or inaction.

Immortal Comments

Role

Chapter 7

Celedyl was one of the first people Damil asked about their connection. The
elf had positive things to say, offering up that the man was always willing
to offer up time and advice and had an inherently good soul. Of course, Damil
mostly found the exchange awkward but did not figure out why in the moment.
The self-awareness developed a bit later, during a talk about a traumatic
event in Celedyl's life.

Here, Damil was doing as he usually does, and that is asking a lot of
questions or adding leading comments to encourage more talking. So he could
learn more. That is when he figured it out. He did not value himself and
because of this he never really focused on his feelings beyond the surface
level. Since he never examined internally he never shared much of himself.
This sort of selfishness, as he now sees it, must have been why he could
never feel connection. A true connection must go both ways.

With that conclusion in mind, combined with some words from Rarywey, Damil
decided he must remind himself constantly that he is valuable(though he
won't forget everyone else is too), some will feel the same, and it is
important that he shows himself to those who do. With a greater understanding
of himself, and more willingness to share these things with others, he may
learn to recognize connections for what they are.

Role

Chapter 6

Damil hosted his first event at the Eternal Star! From his perspective, it
worked out well. It was one of the few times that he could be certain he was
feeling something even if he couldn't articulate it in specific terms. But
he did know that he enjoyed when he was making people feel welcomed or happy
and there was a sense of accomplishment. The day later he spoke with
Eralastorn about his experiences, and the High Herald encouraged Damil to
chase that feeling(or feelings in general?). It was an easy thing to agree to
even if it might take some effort to organize something else!

During said discussion, Viera reached out to Damil about an idea of hers. She
was hoping to bring those who interested in magic together to share knowledge
and understanding on the subject. The fire giant figured Damil would be a
better face for the group due to him being a Herald and a balanced soul; he
could get along with all kinds of people without fear of politics or
morality. This could be a staging ground for events. Damil agreed to at least
see what kind of interest there is and named the idea "The Curators of
Magic". So far the response has been lukewarm, but Damil is not above to
responding to people individually to address their own specific interests.

Then there was that visit to Rarywey's shrine. This time Damil made his
intentions clear and was marked as one of the Breathless. A Breathless
Ruminator, to be more specific, as the Goddess saw that he was a curious soul
that did a lot of thinking. In that meeting, the shapeshifter mentioned he
had a hard time feeling connections. He sensed that the Goddess
disagreed(though he could be very wrong in this perception), but she never
said as such. Instead she suggested he find people who might have a
connection with him and ask how they feel about it. He agreed to do it.

But he is dense, though, and might take a while to realize there are many
people that he could ask. He could even ask Eralastorn or Viera!

Role

Chapter 5

It has been some time after Damil's first visit to Rarywey's shrine.
There, he had met a young druid seeking her blessing as well as the Goddess
herself. And he learned a bit more about the religion and was asked to
consider being part of the faith. At the time, Damil decided he would have to
think about it since it would be a commitment and he did not want a conflict
with what he is naturally inclined to do.

But think he did! And there is a small bit of questioning as the man is ever
worried that he is missing something. This will always be the case and Damil
is self aware enough to realize this. What he does know is that all he did
hear sounds like it would be good for him and his growth. Outside of his few
interests, Damil has a hard time truly feeling connecting with others and
experiencing deep emotions. This is something he is aware is important and
something to work on. He doesn't want to be merely a puddle any longer.

The Eddies mentioned is a connection of all souls, all swirling until they
are pushed out onto the next life anew. And the breathless are attempting to
bring about that feeling of breathlessness, which would likely require an
individual to try to live life to the fullest with a focus on others. In both
instances the faith could perhaps lead to him being a more connected and
feeling individual. Damil had also wanted to truly understand the religion,
and what better way is there to truly dive into it? Now the question remains
is when he actually takes the plunge.

Role

Chapter 4

In his travels and studies, Damil has interacted with many different people
both helping and learning from them. These range from the Imperials,
Outlanders and the Scions with just a dash of Fortress folk(though one day
that might change!). For the most part he doesn't really discriminate nor
do they have huge personal impact on him. He is just content that their lives
are better for his involvement without really caring too deeply about them

But even then, there are two people he is starting to associate on more than
one occasion for two different reasons. Damil had sought out Viera, the
Chancellor, not to work with the Scions, but to gain some basic understanding
of the Veil. Somehow, that ended up in a sort of apprenticeship. This was not
quite the intention but Damil was disinclined to outwardly dismiss the
Chancellor. He does not quite trust the long term intentions of the
anti-paladin and is very aware that the Scions could prove a threat to the
Inn. However, for now, he has decided to go along with it to both further his
knowledge and to get a better understanding of the Chancellor.

On the other side of the spectrum, he had been speaking to the Outlander
ranger, Mystrillania, who is much more attuned with nature. Damil has shared
some food with her and they were discussing various topics; philosophy,
spirituality and the 'poetry of his cooking.' Cooking and improving upon
recipes is an art form, but the shapeshifter does not consider it poetry,
even if the ranger disagreed. Through this discussion, Mystrillania claimed
she saw a sort of kindred spirit within Damil. And because of this, she had
encouraged him to seek out Rarywey at her shrine.

Gods and Goddesses tend to make Damil a bit shy. But if all he had to do is
go to her shrine, tell her that he was directed towards her by Mystrillania
and be himself, then that is something he could do. With his desires to
improve upon his art(to share upon others!) and his fascination with all
things water, perhaps it would be a more fulfilling visit than expected.

Role

Chapter 3

Given his desire to become an excellent (seafood) cook, it would only make
sense he'd seek the Heralds, a place that is open to all forms of art. And
he also understands the value of knowledge and wisdom gained and stored at
the Lyceum. It is important to keep it safe from those who would try to steal
or destroy any wisdom there.

So he has joined the Heralds. The last decade has been spent growing his
understanding of his magic, to better able to gather those ingredients and
making friends in various adventures and endeavors. He is ambivalent to what
those adventures would be and is willing to help both those of the light and
the dark, the chaotic and the orderly. The true hope is that by doing this,
he can keep a good impression of the Inn and limit the problems caused by
unruly and unscrupulous adventurers. It is also often a good way to broaden
his knowledge base.

This friendliness can be pushed, and those who attack him(or other Heralds)
repeatedly or cause issues for the Inn may get a different treatment.
BattleRagers in particular have been a source of much commotion in the Inn.
Their innate rage(it's in the name!) is perhaps too much for them to hold
it in to keep the peace. Of course, Damil knows how he is now is unlikely to
be effective against mighty warriors - and so there is a goal to figure out
how to thin the Veil, and keep said Veil thin.

In truth, Damil cares primarily about himself, his cooking, the Inn and the
sea critters. Most everything else is to ensure the long term progress or
protection of the above. A well loved Inn will keep the Lyceum safe. A well
tended veil will keep him safe. A willingness to consort with all sorts of
people will increase his knowledge base and so on. Perhaps there is wisdom in
accepting all kinds of folks and understanding that everyone needs each other
on some level.

Role

Chapter 2

Damil did not believe he was abandoned. It was a combination of naivety,
denial and being in a new place that sparked interest. At first he just
explored the first floor, and then he ran into one of the cooks. One thing
that his parents missed is that all those questions had a point: he picked up
on how to cook. He wasn't world class, but enough to help the overworked
cooks that day. That made him friends, and one of the cooks adopted him.

From there, he was able to work with the cooks for lodging and food. During
meal times, he could discuss all kinds of things with the students and
teachers at the High Tower of Sorcery. With as many people there, he could
find people who were willing to answer any of his questions and much more. A
lot of it was over his head, but over time he did start to pick up small bits
and made connections with those working for the Tower. This allowed him to
convince one of the teachers to allow him the opportunity to study in between
helping out as a cook.

It turns out he did have some talent and started his studies as a
shapeshifter. In time, Damil could learn how to become a mighty sea beast,
and use that to learn more about the oceans, and then expand to the rest of
Thera. It is now more than to just satisfy his curiosity, even though that is
still a big reason. This further knowledge can be put to other uses. It could
be used to understand how cultures develop in various places, it could be
shared with others to expand their minds, and it could be used to expand on
his ability to properly serve seafood dishes.

Role

Chapter 1

In a fishing village near the Loch Terradian there lived a family of three.
The father was a fisherman and would go out daily to bring in a haul, some of
which he brought home to the family. The mother did anything else that needed
to be done, chores, cooking and raising their only child, Damil. This was
just another family living their normal, dull day to day life. In most cases,
there would be nothing to see.

Yet, the young Damil's curiosity and energy could not be quite satisfied.
He was always willing to help both of his parents with whatever needed to be
done, but at the cost of them being hounded by many different questions from
the inquisitive boy, often about two initially different topics: aquatic life
and food. Still, he was willing to learn about any subject, and his need for
understanding became to such a point that both of his parents decided they
could not handle this talkative, curious, needy child. They just needed an
excuse to get rid of him without feeling like they did anything too bad.

And so they took a trip to the High Tower of Sorcery. Damil ran inside,
excited by the prospect he might have magical talented. This reaction was
expected. While he was so distracted, the parents departed, leaving him
there, making him the Tower's problem. These parents had convinced
themselves that their boy did have magical talent, so the Tower would take
care of him. Delusions were created so they never had to admit they were just
terrible parents.

Immortal Comments

Immortal Comments

PK Gank-O-Meter

PK Statistics

Skill List

Title History

Arena Statistics

PK Wins

PK Deaths

Leveling History

Timeline

Mob Deaths

Edges

Flaws

Racial Edges

Class Edges

Edges