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TiatanFri 26-Jan-07 09:06 PM
Member since 29th Oct 2006
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#556, "Tiatan's Role and Death Echoes"


Background and Motivation
Added Sun Oct 8 15:15:05 2006 at level 6:

Not much to my background, really. I don't know where exactly I was born, or who my parents are. No one I asked knew either. All I really remember is growing up on the streets of Udgaard Loke's Farm.

Growing up wasn't easy. Unlike many, I had no one to take care of me. I suppose someone must've taken care of me when I was younger, for I don't see how I could've taken care of myself, but that time's a little fuzzy. Eventually, though, I was forced to take care of myself, which meant finding food, clothing, and shelter. The clothing and shelter weren't all that difficult. People liked to throw out old clothing for some reason, and the local Temple didn't mind my presence at all. Food, however, was a little more difficult. I couldn't really steal it; I'd seen what happened to thieves, and I knew I wasn't nearly good enough to get away with it, and no one really wanted to hire me, as there were too many others with actual skill. Begging worked decently enough, and every once in a while, I'd find some dead creature someone had killed and feast upon its remains. I especially learned to like their hearts and eyes. It just seemed so novel to eat such things, and the eyes tend to have the loveliest texture... that wasn't how I best managed to keep myself fed, though. No, my belly remained full because I learned how to trick others into feeding me.

It was a fun skill, really, deception, lying, trickery, and it gave me a sense of enjoyment in life that I never suspected I could find. It gave me a purpose, a goal, and my life finally had meaning. No longer was I confined to merely trying to exist, but there was something in life I actually enjoyed. I don't know why, but for some reason, I just love a constant change to things. I despise monotony, and deception and intrigue allow me opportunities for its banishment. I suppose this is also why I joined the guild of Shifters, as well; I love change. That, and the guild seems to offer a lot of useful skills and abilities. I suppose that's my purpose, though, deception, seeing what all I can get away with. I haven't really thought about it. Perhaps it will change one day, but for now, that's how I define myself. My purpose in life is to get away with as much as possible and have fun while doing so.

Early Manipulations
Added Fri Oct 13 17:02:44 2006 at level 15:

Being a Shapeshifter is a lot more difficult that I imagined. All I can say for certain is that I'm very weak without any forms. I've gotten in more fights I couldn't handle than I can count, and I've died to five of them. I have to learn to be more careful in the future.

I've met several people of many different races and professions. I like the Gnomes, most of all, though I met one, a fellow by the name of Nelzon, who is an insult to the race. Fortunately, I've convinced many Gnomes that I'm somewhat of an intellectual, that my whole goal in life is intellectual pursuit. This has allowed me to talk about this Nelzon fellow to them and be taken seriously. Perhaps I need to talk to more Elves, as well, have them think the same. Having people take me for a scholar could be very useful.

I've been managing to convince people that, whatever their beliefs, whatever path they follow, mine is a similar and compatible path. It's been quite simple, really, convincing the Dark that I'm Dark, the Light that I'm Light, and the in-between that I am as well. I've slain innocent children one day and donated money to an orphanage the next. People suspect nothing. Perhaps I will have to try more difficult manipulations, as these are so simple, it's almost boring. I'll have to ponder on this.

I've started to take an interest in religion. I'm not sure why, really, but it's something I know little about. It isn't wise to know so little about something. One God in particular strikes me as fitting, Lyristeon. The only problem is, I don't know how to follow such a powerful being. Would it be wise for me to try to contact Him? I should try to find His shrine, at the least. I haven't the slightest idea where to look, but if I can start convincing people that I'm on a quest to visit the various shrines, in order to learn more about the Gods, I might get lucky and hear some clues on its whereabouts. I'll have to ponder this more, but for now, I'm satisfied with the life I've thus far managed to lead.

Added Wed Oct 18 11:56:08 2006 at level 25:

Much I have learned, traveling with others. I've been finding companions of all sorts, from all backgrounds, and been talking, listening, and asking questions. I've explored much of this world, fought with many of its denizens, conversed with many more, and feel I'm beginning to understand some things that growing up on the streets didn't teach me.

For one thing, I've learned a lot of this world seems to center on the Path one follows in life, what lies in the hearts of people. Light, Dark, they seem to be constantly at war, or at least, certain factions of them do. The rest seem to just attempt to make ends meat and to justify whatever actions they take. Some find meaning in the Gods, others in knowledge, others still in greed or blood, and many simply strive for survival.

It is not for me to judge the actions of others, however, but I am curious about myself. From what I've seen, Light can be just as ignorant as Dark. I've questioned the actions of some that would call themselves Light, asking why they do some of the things they do. They rarely give a satisfactory answer. I ask why a particular beast needs slain or a person brought to justice, what harm that being brings to others, and the response is often along the lines that since they're Dark, or evil, they must be slain.

What is evil, though? Many would say that not caring about others is evil, but why? Why must a person care about others to not be considered evil? How many must one care about to be considered good? Perhaps had I not grown up on the streets of the Farm of Udgaard Loke, I would know this, but even my observations of the Golden Voralian City show me that there is poverty, greed, and callousness. The streets of Darsylon are better, but I've met more than one Elf who thinks that just because a person utilizes the art of magic, that that person deserves to be slain. It just doesn't make sense.

Do I think myself evil because I only care about myself? Of course not, but then, I am not the one who made the definition, now am I? I don't think myself evil, though. Sure, I can be pretty malicious, I play with people's emotions, I lie, I cheat, and I've shed the blood of innocents, but it's not like I take pleasure in bringing harm to others. Well, perhaps I take pleasure in tricking others into believing what I want them to, but my actions all stem from one sole source, Survival.

Yes, Survival, I am in a category of people, I am like others, a fish in the sea. How can I know anything else, though? All these things I do, they keep me alive. I try to keep those who are Light at arm's length just as much as I try to keep away those who are Dark. It's kind of funny I do this by bringing them all closer, but I suppose that ought to be pondered another time. Everything I do, though, all the playing with people's emotions, the shedding of blood, I do to survive. It's what I grew up with; it's all I know. Can a person really call me evil for wanting to exist?

It's not like I'm purely selfish, either, or don't care about others. I honestly do. I try to be generous when I can, and I try to do the right thing. I rarely succeed, but I try. Isn't that what counts? Is it my fault that I prefer life to good deeds? I don't think it is. All I know is that if a person thinks me good or evil, whether that truly is the case or not, I am far more likely to die, and just what kind of life am I supposed to live if I'm not alive to live it? Good, Evil, Balance, it all means nothing to me. No one side is any more correct than the other, and no one side will ever, truly, guide my path.

Added Mon Oct 30 20:29:51 2006 at level 40:

A lot's changed, hasn't it? One moment, everything's normal, the next it isn't. That seems to be my life, though. That's always been my life, unpredictable. I never could have predicted this, though, never in my 96 years could I have imagined such a thing.

I've done a lot, lately, accomplished a lot. I've made Orcs think I'm their savior, their servant and their king, and convinced them that I'm much better alive than eaten. I've caused Imperials to think me some sort of Dark servant, someone who brings them valuable information or who is truly their friend. I've convinced the Tribunals I'm a law abiding citizen even though I care nothing for their silly laws, and I've convinced Outlanders that I despise the cities, though I spend nearly all my time within. Finally, there are the Scions. Oh how I love the Scions. I've made friends with at least two, or at least, I'm almost certain they believe that. First there's Seffar. I made contact with him early, agree to work for him, be his ally. In return, he offered me protection, and the occasional piece of equipment. Oh how I've used the former. I had a small misdealing with another of his employees, and was able to completely unman the person because of my contact. The second is Malic, the Vampire, a very dark creature indeed. I haven't yet done much with him, but I've set the wheels in motion. I think I'll have fun using him for everything he's worth. It promises to be amusing.

Yes, I've done much, accomplished more, and my entire life has been unpredictable, even to me, but this, this is just, ugh. What do I do with this? This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to be. I'm not supposed to actually -care- about someone. I'm not supposed to develop feelings.

I met someone, a woman, a human. Her name's Zaphoedine. She's pretty, lovely eyes, a look of determination, independence, defiance, and she moves with a grace unknown to most Elves. And oh, her legs, her beautiful, sexy legs, so powerful, so strong, I would love nothing more than to feel the security they offer. She can cling to the ceiling of a cave with them, I wonder.... Hmm, but I digress. I talked to her like I talk to all women I want to use, flirtatious, but subtle, and yet, when we started to actually talk, I felt something, something new. She spoke so eloquently, so intelligently, I just, couldn't help myself. She's like a large, attractive, female Gnome. I care about her. I actually care about her, and I'm finding myself doing things I wouldn't. I told her my past. I actually told her my past. I can't believe it, and I promised her I would do my best to not slay those who follow the so-called Light, and I meant it!

I promised that and I meant it! What the Hell is wrong with me?! I'm not like this. I don't let other people choose my path. This is my life. I'm in control. I don't tell people the truth. I've never told people the truth, not the complete truth, and yet, I can't bring myself to lie to her. I just don't get it. I don't know how to act; I don't know what to do. Everything's in turmoil. I just don't get it. I don't know who I am anymore. This is all so confusing. If my life wasn't chaotic before, it certainly is now. I hope this works out for the best. I need to think.

Intrigue, Planning, and the Heralds
Added Tue Nov 21 11:46:25 2006 at level 51:

A lot has happened since I last wrote. I really must update this journal more often, but I feel as though I never have the time. There's almost always something going on, something else I need to do. I meet one goal, which puts a new one on the horizon. I don't think there's need for complaint, obviously, as it lends itself to an interesting life, always changing, and never dull, but it does make it difficult to do everything that needs done.

I'm working on long term planning, now. I've pulled many successful coups, and it's so easy to manipulate others. Right now, I'm at least partially allied with multiple Scions, I'm completely immune to the Empire and most Imperials think me one of them, the Fortress thinks me weak, incompetent, and confused, which is precisely what I want them to think, several people in the Fortress think me their friend, more than one Outlander likes me, the Tribunal thinks I'm a model citizen, and a lot of orcs think I'm on their side and not the type of Half-Elf that needs eaten. The only real trouble I have is with those Lions of the Village, hypocrites, a lot of them, and fools, but they're only a minor nuisance, especially now that I'm a Herald.

Speaking of which, I'm finally a Herald. It feels wonderful. I was very surprised to be let in after one event. I thought I was going to have to spend a lifetime trying to prove my worth. But now, I'm able to plan events without a vile taste on my lips each time. I have a few in the works and am thinking up more. It takes a lot of my time, but I really don't mind. Not only does it help my manipulations, but I just plain love it. I'm glad Zaphie convinced me to join.

I'm a scribe to the Heralds. I should do well with it, though it's time consuming. I'm working on my first submission as I write this. It'll be the discussion on Truth and Morality, edited a bit and made more readable and enjoyable to read. I'd like to get it finished before I plan another event like that. I think I'll have the next one on Immortality, and the one after that on Life and Death, though that may change, I don't know. I don't know what else I might try to write. I can think of a few things, but with as busy as I am, I don't know if I'll get around to them. Maybe when I get a few more things done.

Which brings me back to my planning. I can easily manipulate others, but I'm not really accomplishing much. Right now, I'm trying to form as many "pets" as I can, build my relationship with them, until I can figure out how to use them. It's working quite well, but a couple of the ones I already had plans for have died. Riadhana would have been quite useful for helping me tear apart the Empire. It is unfortunate that her dealings with them was her demise. I hope to find a replacement, soon.

I've only had one successful coupe recently, unless I count the whole thing with the Empire and the Fortress. That was quite fun, and accomplished a lot, but it's still ongoing, and thus difficult to write about. No, the one to which I refer is the one involving Yasmeia and Malic. It was quite something, first getting Yasmeia interested in Malic, and then getting her interested in me. I felt like I was in such control the entire time. He tried to seduce her, bring her over to his side. I fed him information on her and her enough on him to make it seem plausible. Then I started playing with her feelings, telling her how evil he truly was, and telling her how much I cared about her and didn't want to lose her. I don't know if we would have succeeded without my intervention, but I know it certainly helped him fail. He tried to manipulate her; he failed, and then she came to adore me. It was beautiful. Of course, then she went to the sea for a while, to try to find more meaning, and I've since grown bored, though I may try something with her in the future. Only time will tell.

So that's where my life stands currently, I suppose. I'm manipulating others in hopes of finding a way to use them to achieve something greater, and I'm a Herald, something that should get me through the darker times in my life, when all I'm seeing is despair. I may not actually accomplish what I want in life, but I do know one thing. It was a damn good life, and I doubt I'll ever regret living it.

Note to Lyristeon
Added Wed Nov 29 14:14:18 2006 at level 51:

"Garnish, with Cherries on Top"


I've been thinking about what You said, as well as the three Tenants. You asked me if I thought I had garnered what I seek, or if I was just now realizing that I have a way to go. That is a tricky question to answer, but I shall try my best.

Now, I have left some gaping maws, several, in fact, I would argue. Those I can and am willing to give examples of. If that's all there is to the earning, though, I would say that yes, I definitely have garnered what I seek, but I'm not sure that's all there is to it. The real question is whether it has been enough of my focus, which I'm not so certain about. Now, there are many times when chaos is my goal, and I use deception and wisdom to achieve it. I like to have fun, and to be quite honest, causing chaos, surprising people, and toying with their emotions is very fun to me. A lot of times, though, I'm trying to strive for something more, for a few reasons.

One reason is because it's useful to me. It's useful to me to have almost everyone in the world trust me, even though I'm lying to all of them. It's useful to me that the leaders of every cabal call upon me for help. I have a lot of power, a lot more than anyone realizes, and it amuses me quite thoroughly.

Another reason is because I'm trying to accomplish something larger. I'm trying to breed friendships and trust in order to use people to create some real chaos. Now, I'll admit, due to a lot of untimely deaths, this isn't getting nearly as far as I've wanted, but it doesn't mean I've accomplished nothing. Currently, I'm breeding a lot of distrust in the Empire and causing a schism to form. Given a few more years, I think I'll start to see some really positive changes take place within. The fun part is, I'm doing it just because I can. I've been thinking along these lines for a really long time, though I'm getting old and don't know how to increase my life expectancy, so I may have to be content with the Empire.

The final reason is a bit silly, I admit. I've been wanting to get into Your religion, perhaps even become one of Your representatives, tattooed, as it were, especially now that I'm old, but I believe I've misunderstood it. One of the reasons I was trying to do some of these serious things, beyond my own amusement, is because the smaller, though quite fun, chaotic accomplishments of mine just haven't felt worthy of Your attentions. True, I've left people with their maws agape, but I didn't think that'd amuse You, only me. As I said, that was a foolish mistake, but one I will admit.

So, with that in mind, let me try to answer Your question. I have caused maws to gape, and I have used deception to do so. I have used wisdom in that, although I have spread chaos and confusion, toyed with emotions, lied, did exactly what I said I wouldn't and been caught, and caught people off guard with actions they would never expect, the people I've affected still don't know who I am, what I do, or why. Almost all of them trust me still, even though I've done things that should break that trust, and not because they're overly stupid or trusting, but because I've been able to talk my way out of it. I delight in that. I've also used wisdom in that I'm almost never caught, when I do something like this, but that's a different sort, I would say. So, I have spread chaos using deception and wisdom. I have played with people's emotions and left the gaping maw. Has it been my entire life? No, it hasn't. I've also spent a good time learning, exploring, conversing, and having fun in other ways, and I've also spent a good deal earning trust from a lot of people of a lot of different organizations, races, and guilds. It's certainly been a significant part of my life, though. It's something I do on occasion, something I enjoy.

So, to answer Your question, finally, perhaps I have not yet garnered what I seek, due to my misunderstanding, but I certainly don't have a ways to go. If all You seek is that the gaping maw be left using deception and wisdom, I have done that before, and I will do it again. I am willing to drop this whole pure deception thing in favor of deception spread with chaos. I'm old, and that would amuse me to no end. I'm at the point where I don't care what others think about me, and thus have no problem with mischief. Power, after all, isn't really something I care about. I care about fun, enjoyment. I care about change and uncertainty. Your path has them all, and that's why I seek it. I misunderstood Your tenants, but I believe I understand now, and I would make a fine addition to Your religion. Just watch and see.

Tiatan, Master of Fluctuation, Scribe to the Heralds

Added Fri Dec 1 12:31:44 2006 at level 51:

I am a fool. I have lost the thing I most desire. I lost it when I only just realized. How could I let this happen? How could I let my life fall apart like this? Am I so worried about others and about the things that have no meaning that I've lost sight of the things I do? Reality is subjective, sure. No one disproves that, but that doesn't mean I should live like nothing matters. It matters to me. And now I've realized what I've always wanted, what I've been missing. I realize that the one thing I was too afraid to let myself have is the one thing I needed. And then I found it, but I lost it. I found it, but I lost it. What kind of fool am I? Intelligent? Ha! I'm not intelligent.

I am in less danger than anyone I know. More people trust me than anyone I know. I have a lot of power, and yet, I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. I can make those I don't care about think whatever I want about me. I have total control, but what about the people I -do- care about? What about them? I was never supposed to care about anyone, and then I did, and now look at me.

Nothing else matters anymore, nothing at all. The manipulations don't matter. The chaos doesn't matter. Philosophy, learning, talking, entertaining, humor, none of them matter without you. I am a fool. I love you, and I lost you. I would give you anything, but I didn't see it soon enough. I didn't realize it soon enough, and then Zaphie came back, and I got confused, and now I have to break three hearts, instead of just one. I yearn for you, ache. I need you. You are all I want. You are my life, my everything. I would give anything just to have you back. I would give you my life, my body, and my soul. I will wait for you, faithfully, forever. I am in love.

A Most Wonderful Day
Added Sun Dec 3 18:58:52 2006 at level 51:

It has been a most joyous day, most joyous day indeed. It started well, it ended well, and it was just, altogether, a very lovely day. It began like most days; I came to the Inn with some poetry in hand, having sat up the night before, writing to calm my heart. Meora was there, and so were a few others, and they asked me to recite it, so I did. Midway through, I stopped abruptly; a familiar scent had come through the door. There she was, so pure and disarming, smiling at me, with her eyes agaze.

"Don't speak," said she, "Till I have spoken. Don't break me from this spell of thee."

And so I stood there, waiting patient, as she spoke to me, her face aglow.

"I am yours, and you are mine, and together we shall be most free. Hold me here, kiss my lips, love me now, and I will be your wife."

And so I came to be engaged, the fiery Pirate lass my own. Now I'm happy, to be with Tsyda. Now I'm happy, our hearts entwined.

Ahhh, but this is but the beginning. For you see, there was more that happened this day. It was a day of many confessions, many tears, and many embraces. This day wasn't just mine, and it wasn't just hers. One other took part in the marvel. A cat, a Fela, my dear friend Meora. She has made this day complete.

For it was this day, that I learned her secret, a secret she has shared with few. It was this day, that she let go, she found peace, and she is free. A confession she made, a confession most troubling. She had never forgiven herself for the death of her siblings. We talked about it, undecided. We talked about it, and I despaired. But then she asked me, her 'older' brother, she asked me to take her to where the river meets sea. We traveled there, upon the Martyr's Sorrow, and there, did she, find her peace. A sight to see, this cat so drenched, wading through the river's tears. She thought and pondered, reflected on her past. She though and pondered, until she saw. Her past, her present, her future, they all converged into her life. She saw this, she watched, and finally, she knew. She understood, and forgiveness was hers.

Yes, it has been a most wonderful day indeed.

The State of My Soul
Added Wed Dec 6 14:57:11 2006 at level 51:

Now that Tsyda and I are engaged, we've been trying to figure out how we're going to become married. I've agreed to take her last name, Qa Vansedien, since I don't have one of my own, having never known my parents, but the actual wedding itself is a little trickier. As such, I decided to seek out the Lady Rayihn, as She helped me quite a bit when I was trying to work through my feelings and hopelessness. To my surprise, She agreed to actually do the wedding. I had merely planned on asking if it would be okay for some Priest to do it. I'm glad Meora was with me, even if it did add a little confusion, early on.

While in Rayihn's presence, I thought to ask Her about the afterlife. I know very little, you see. I wanted to make sure Tsyda and I wouldn't be separated after our deaths, for her sake, as well as mine. Well, it seems that those who do not follow a God go to a Neutral area, and thus we could be together, were that the case, but neither of us are certain if my attempts to follow the Imp, for a time, have made it so I would go to His realm upon my death. Obviously, I don't want this, but I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I'm looking into as many ways of prevention that I can think of. Perhaps merely stating that I give my soul to Tsyda will do, but then, perhaps not. I'll try speaking to the Lord Corrlaan, next. Maybe He'll be able to help, or maybe there's some sort of ritual, like those that Necromancers do to become Liches, that would allow me to give my soul to my love. I certainly don't trust the Imp to tell me the truth in the matter, but I shan't give up until I am certain that I will be able to spend my afterlife with the woman with whom I am in love.

Marriage and Selflessness
Added Sat Dec 9 13:01:43 2006 at level 51:

The wedding was wonderful. We decided to have it at the Consortium's Garden; that's where Tsyda fell in love with me and where I first started looking at her as a potential love interest. Meora, Lin, and Ado were there; Ethelle and Itholin couldn't make it, Nanorab just barely missed it, and I completely forgot to invite Fuddo. I felt rather bad about that. I really like that Gnome.

The ceremony itself was brief, which is what I preferred, anyways. It was night, and the moonlight on the snow was quite enchanting. I was wearing a dark blue robe, a white ruffled shirt, and tight black dress pants that Adovaryn had sewn for me, as well as some black boots, my green sash, my blue halo, and my glasses. Tsyda wore a beautiful white gown and silk sash. I was so enchanted with her, I could have died in her arms and never been happier.

Rayihn had us stand in front of her, holding hands. She told us that She didn't really believe in marriage and wasn't one for tradition, but that I had told Her about Tsyda's and my falling in love and the challenges we faced, and said that it was the strength of our bond that has made the relationship stronger, in the end. Love is more than passion, more than fire. It is fulfillment, a completion, and a home. We then read our vows to each other, I going first. I have recorded them in a book, so maybe the world will see them, yet. Hers were wonderful, of course, quite touching, and I couldn't help but beam. She told me that she'd been in love with me since the that time in the garden. I have her vows recorded as well, though whether I'll share them with the world remains to be seen. After that, we exchanged rings that the Lady Rayihn provided, kissed, and then we were married, man and wife. My life, my love, my purpose.

I did manage to speak with Lord Corrlaan before all of this. I told Him the situation with my soul, my worries and fears. He told me that if I lived with a purpose in this life. I'd have that same purpose in the next, and He told me that if I lived a selfless life, perhaps my past transgressions would be forgiven. So, that's my new life. My purpose is Tsyda, and I live for others. I probably won't succeed with it in all things. I'll probably make plenty of mistakes, have plenty of failures, but I'll never stop trying. I just hope that entertaining others, and causing them to question their views in order to better understand themselves and their world, and otherwise being generous and offering aid count as being selfless. If not, hopefully someone will point me on the right path. Perhaps if I just don't commit a selfish act, it'll be enough. I don't know, but I'll do my best, and pray that it's enough.

The Mark of the Imp
Added Thu Dec 14 10:52:49 2006 at level 51:

It comes as no great surprise to me, really, what has happened, though I'm sure He would like to believe otherwise. The only surprise is how long it took Him, knowing that I no longer wished such a thing. Though I didn't tell Him my fears, I'm sure He sensed them. I'm sure He knew I didn't want the tattoo, and that is precisely why He gave it to me.

My life is like one of those Epic tragedies. I'll have to write about it one day. Perhaps it will be entertaining. The instance of the mark is simple enough to tell. Ethelle had just finished having her discussion on the Fortress as we had agreed, and the Imp showed up to poke fun at her late husband. Well, naturally, I didn't want Him doing this, so I pulled out a statue I had of Him and attempted to distract Him with it. Well, next thing I know, I'm marked, and he's made a snide comment and left. Well, Ethelle isn't too worried, because she knows He likes to do this sort of stuff to mess with people, but now I'm a bit worried on the state of my soul.

Well, the best I can do is continue to live as selflessly as possible, and to continue to live for my wife. It's tempting to get back into the religion, after a century of trying to be one of His followers, but I will resist the temptation, as I do not wish to bring harm to my one true love. The Gods may think I'm doing all of this for myself, but truly, I do it for her. I could be happy living in the Imp's afterlife. It has always been a part of who I am, but Tsyda means more to me than everything else combined, and she is the one I dedicate my life to. She is the one I worship. I won't let anyone harm her, especially myself, and I won't let some Puppetmaster keep us apart.

More Deceptions and the Truth about Snuzzly
Added Fri Dec 15 11:23:46 2006 at level 51:

Well this tattoo is nothing, if not useful, even with me almost never seeing combat. I so wish I could keep it, so wish I could stay in this religion. It's so much fun, but I love my wife far too much to risk her unhappiness over my desires.

The tattoo is useful, though, as it's allowed me to get in on better terms with the Scions, allowed me to lie to them more easily. I do hate the deception, though. Farigno says I should be careful about them, lest the Imp's hold on me become permanent. Of course, it seems like every God is saying something different. Corrlaan says I just need to live with a purpose, Iunna seems to think that I'll be able to be with my wife in the afterlife no matter what I do, Rayihn says it's all up to who represents me, and Farigno says I need to be completely selfless. This is, of course, overlooking the fact that -no one- understands Lyristeon. He seems like such a great God, too. Sure, He likes to create mischief, but He does a lot of good in the world by doing so. He brings a lot of fun and is able to bring humor to even the saddest situations. I so wish I could trust Him. I would serve Him and be a model priest if I could but know for certain that I could be with my wife in the afterlife, but I just can't risk it. I can't risk my soul.

So, while naturally I cannot exactly trust Farigno, I don't like taking chances like this, but these Demons, if what Farigno says is true, and I believe it is, they are -very- bad for this world, and very bad for my wife. I have to stop them, even if I have to lie, deceive, and manipulate to do it. I'm not good at much else. Why shouldn't I use my gifts for good? I'm not using them for myself. I'm using them to try to help the world. Where is the fault in that? I need to talk to Lord Corrlaan about this.

On a completely unrelated note, Yasmeia seems to have returned, at last, and I'm finally coming to understand how I really felt about her. I kept telling myself in the past that she never really meant anything to me, that she was just another one of my manipulations, but I know now that I was merely deceiving myself. I really am quite fond of her, so much so that I would mutilate anyone that messed with her. I would cut off their noses, split their tongues, remove their eyelids, and let them forever walk around as freaks, loved by no one, because I care about her just that much. I don't love her like I love my wife, but I do love her. I could have loved her like I love my wife, I think, and she could have loved me. She told me the reason she disappeared for so long was because she -was- falling in love with me, and she knew it was a bad idea, due to her frequent disappearances. She didn't want to hurt me. I love her all the much more for that, and in some ways, I'm glad it happened that way. We never could have worked out, she and I. She's just too Light, and I'll never be. I can live for my wife, and I can do my best never to make another selfish action, but I'll never be a Lightwalker, just like I'll never fully be able to suppress the chaos within me, no matter how much I try. It's part of who I am, and I have to accept it, but it doesn't mean I won't do everything in my power to make sure my Tsyda is happy. We will be together in the afterlife no matter what I have to do,

Free at last
Added Tue Dec 26 01:29:33 2006 at level 51:

Freedom, finally, after all these years, I'm free. It is wonderment, amazing. It took my breath away, and I wanted to shout to the world. It was a very painful process, I should say. I had just finished praying to Lord Twist to watch over my wife and Lord Corrlaan to guide me, as I do quite often, and suddenly there was a terrible pain in my chest as it exploded, severely damaging my clavin, and when I regained enough of my senses, I noticed the infernal tattoo was gone. Gone at last, finally, it was gone.

I was ecstatic, euphoric. I told Gringora right away, and then told Tsyda, as soon as she returned. Of course, Lyristeon tried to screw with me a bit more, after that, sending in a prostitute to try to condemn me and giving me some sort of rash in my, er, private areas, but a little ointment applied by my wife helped soothe it immensely.

I'm almost certain it was Lyristeon who removed the tattoo, though I'm not why He did it. Could be any number of reasons, really. One never knows with Him, but then, I'm not even certain it needed to be gotten rid of in order to spend my afterlife with Tsyda. I certainly couldn't take the Imp's word on it, though. If there's one thing He isn't, it's trustworthy, and I just didn't want to take the chance.

Speaking of such things, I've realized I still have feelings for Zaphie, and I know she still has feelings for me, but I will never betray Tsyda. That much, I know. Perhaps the three of us could work something out, if not in this life, then the afterlife. I suppose it all depends on the future. Everything depends on the future, but at least I'm happy, Tsyda's happy, and the people for whom I care are, as well. That's what really matters.

Added Sat Dec 30 20:59:53 2006 at level 51:

Iunna respects me. She actually respects me. All this time, I wasn't sure. I thought She didn't like me. I thought She didn't care. Well, no, I knew She cared, but I wasn't certain what about. She kept showing that She cared every time She talked to me, but I thought it was just not wanting me to screw something up. Now I know better.

It took me a very long time to become a Herald, and I don't mean joining them, though it took a while to do that, as well. I originally wanted to be one simply because it was convenient, a good base of operations for my manipulations, and a good excuse to be involved with many people without suffering wrath. I don't know if She saw that. I don't think She did, but She certainly didn't let me in right away, and I resented Her for it.

For a very long time, I was publicly displeased with Her. Even after I started to admire Her, I tried to keep up that public appearance. It made me want to never show any weakness in front of Her, and even now, I act that way around Her, almost unconsciously. After I became a Herald, the displeasure and secret admiration turned more to fear, but I would never admit that to Her. No, though I was afraid of Her, I made certain to conceal it as best I could. It certainly made me feel awkward around Her though.

I'm not quite sure when I actually became a Herald. I think it was a gradual change that took place over a long period of time. I do know when I realized I was one, though. It was just after I was married. I had decided that Lyristeon just wasn't worth it anymore and was, instead, using my connections to try to do some good. I found myself able to communicate with every Cabal and thus have them communicate with each other, even if they didn't realize.

Iunna, though, I wasn't sure she was noticing, but She pulled me aside one day, talked to me. She told me that I'd been doing a lot for the Heralds and She thought highly of me. I was very touched, very confused, due to my relationship with Her, but very touched. I used to detest Her, now I'm not sure how to feel. I suppose I'll figure it out, eventually, but just knowing how much Iunna respects me says a lot. I'm finally proud to be a Herald.

Zaphoedine and Balim
Added Sat Dec 30 22:01:58 2006 at level 51:

Well, Zaphie's story has finally come to a close, at least how it applies to my life. It's an odd ending, and I'm not sure how happy it is. It involves a Bard, an Armadillo, and a couple of W'raithes.

Camilla, Zaphie's W'raithe, had apparently done much harm to Zaphie, which is why she's been acting so strange. Well, that all came to a head when Balim, a Nexan Bard who apparently also has a W'raithe, came in and started communicating with the two of them. Apparently, he spoke some arcane language that had a lot of effect on Camilla, causing her to go crazy, in turn effecting Zaphie. It all came to a head when, without realizing it, he spoke the language, causing Camilla to take control.

Next thing I know, Camilla's threatening me, and Balim's telling me he has to undo what he did. Well, obviously, I agreed, because I couldn't stand to see her harmed. So, with Tsyda there as an armadillo, he began speaking the odd language. I soon found myself able to understand it, and his W'raithe and Camilla began a battle.

After a bit of success, the four of us moved to the plains. There, Camilla caused Zaphie to strike at Balim a few times, so it was lucky Tsyda was there, as her armadillo was very helpful. It seemed hopeless for a time, but I finally spoke, asking Zaphie to come back to me, which allowed Balim a final strike, which weakened Camilla.

In that instant, Balim drew Camilla into him, a change that was permanent, and one I did not like, for it bound their souls. I was, however, able to convince him into letting me share the burden and binding my soul, as well, and Tsyda decided to get in on it, too. So, the four of us our bound together, united in our love for Zaphie.

Of course, with all good, there comes a bad, and this is where it is. I knew of Balim's feelings for Zaphie, and I knew Zaphie was vulnerable, but I couldn't stand the thought of it. Zaphie promised me she would never have another lover, and I promised her that we would be together in the afterlife, her, Tsyda, and I. I couldn't stand the thought of it, and in this instant, I failed Lord Corrlaan. I was selfish.

I told Zaphie how I felt, once more. I reminded her of her promise. I thought of myself. I did not think of others. She told me she'd keep it, but in doing so, she hurt Balim, and possibly herself. I don't know what to do, though. I can't let go of her. I just can't. Tsyda knows this. She's fine with it. She knows of our promises, so it's not all bad, but still, I failed Lord Corrlaan, and I don't know if I can correct it.

Death Echoes (Not written by me, but I liked them)

A funeral procession, led by the grieving widow Tsyda, makes its way from Udgaard through the cities of Thera, finally ending in Galadon.

Tsyda pauses in Market Square and speaks briefly with the mayor through her tears.

After a brief discussion, the Mayor announces that he will allow Tiatan to be buried in the Galadon Graveyard, in thanks for his aid in defeating the Demon Lords.

And in the streets, the children cried. The poets dreamed and the lovers sighed.

BattleRagers paused in their endless march up and down the Eastern Road, glad that their many trips to the Inn finally paid off. One down, sixty-two thousand to go!

Though strongly bound to this plane by the eternal ties of mortal love, the chaotic, deceptive soul of Tiatan slowly broke free from the physical flesh that had once held it in a lover's embrace.

His soul drifted upwards, slowly at first, but gathering speed, as it transformed into a vertical shaft of blazing light that split the heavens asunder.

The light faded, though not from the eyes of Tsyda, who knew that the Lord of Archons would see them reunited at the end of days.

"On ne fait pas de musique contre quelqu'un"


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HOT TopicCalling all role contest winners! [View all] , Arvam, Fri 11-Jul-03 03:03 AM
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