Role

Chapter 9

She woke with the weight still on her. Dohri sighed and willed
herself up and standing. She had hoped that her mood would have
changed when she woke but she was still down. Her moods had
started to get more erratic. When once she could control
them with certain activities and thoughts, she found that they
would swing on an whim leaving her struggling to maintain
herself. It had always been there - the mood swings, but she
had gotten worse since her time in the Fortress. One day she
would be excited, optimistic and full of light as if she were
on a dizzying ride down a raging river. She would take in
the sights, sounds and the love from all of her friends to her
heart and feel almost unable to bear it only to then spew all
that love and energy back out to the world. Then, like a gust
of wind that stops abruptly, she would change to the dark
sadness that would overtake and dominate her. Her glorious
chaotic raging river would change into a cold, muddy streambed
where she was alone and shivering, and every step in the mud was
an exercise in will. She was plagued with nightmares of her
friends in pain and anguish with her feeling impotent and she
would wake crying with feelings of crushing guilt. She loved
her friends With the river she found their presence exhilarating
with feelings of surging love, but her thoughts would turn and fester
leaving her wondering if they really loved her at all and she
found herself wanting to isolate herself from them both ashamed
at her thoughts but unable to shake the possibility that they were
true. There used to be long times of controlled calm when she felt
steady, but those had since vanished leaving her
with no peace..no calm. She had been very good at hiding it -
when she was down, but even that had become difficult.
"Another day...just one more day..", she said wearily.