1. What we all can post here are just suggestions. Make it facts! PUT the MONITORING SYSTEM eventually *grumbles*. Its free. It does not requires knowledge or time more than several minutes and ability to copy-paste html code.

2. Okay, here is my list.
"Tired of "Free to Play" MUDs that really aren't?" Do you think this is the main problem making them searching for a new MUD? I doubt it. Generally, I would remove this and here is why. A question (or two) in headings is using when we define main "needs" of customers (and main questions therefore) and rephrasing them to establish "feel of understanding" and lead via our scenarios. Here we do not know their main problems/questions. They seek more PK and RP? Or 100% free MUD? Or just something new? Or many classes/races/items combo? Or all this + good playerbase?

That is.

The third phrase is that one, which describes the main feature of CF - deadly PK and 100% RP. Put it first. Stability and 100% free should follow.

So I think it should be something like this:
CF: 100% Free MUD, operating 13+ years with captivating and deep RP atmosphere and challenging PK.

Sorry, my English is terrible for this.
Its average heading, and I would like to polish and make it more brilliant but it does what it should do - inform visitors "what we are".

"Welcome to the Carrion Fields!" - its just gives nothing. remove it.

About further text. I would propose one of the two schemas to create it.

1. Make it like the list of features (preferrably benefits). Something like:
1. Deep and captivating RP atmosphere, which helps you to dive deeper in the world of Thera blah blah

2. Huge selection of unique combos from race/class/subclass. You never meet same opponent, each warrior differs from others

3. Large world, which you can explore alone or with friends. Ancient ruins with hidden artifacts and crowded cities blah blah blah. All rooms are carefully describen - you wont see boring "nothing speacial here"!

this reads awfully even for me, but I hope you got the idea.

Second scheme is more like simple text (like you did) but put here and there some words creating emotions. Well, its all about emotions (fun, challenge and such) so describe them. Describe adrenalin and tremoring fingers in PK, fun from RP moments and such.

Where? Here: Our Immortal staff has more than 30 members, all of whom are volunteers, donating our time and talents to making Carrion Fields a fun and unique experience for all of our players...

This words are just words, they dont create image or feelings inside brains.
No need to make it big, just few phrases.

"We have an average of about 45 characters on at any given time, with peaks around 80 and lows around 30."
It is false. Lets be honest. 15-60 is closer to truth.

Then about classes. Again, describe not with simply digits, but describe benefits - you can build combo which differs from others, not all the same warriors or shifters (lets keep silence about shamans or assassins though :P). You will meet unique combos as well. This leads to different tactics, we try to develop CF so you wont be one trick pony.

Is permadeath feature so important to put it here?