This might have been the funnest character, ever, and it'll be tough to top.

This showed up as a rage delete, but it was not. It was very much premeditated.

For the record, I'd also like to point out I was never, ever full looted. Not once. Some pieces of equipment I had since well before I heroed. I always credited that to my poems. Thanks for being so cool, everyone.

Funny sidenote: There came a point when my enemies were actually ASKING me to write poems about them. I found that hilarious.

I had a lot of ideas and plans, but I didn't have the time - or the right playtimes - to make it all work out. As it happened, the day after Tarleton was promoted to Emperor, his player was promoted to be a section editor for one of those dying daily newspapers you hear about. That meant my hours got longer, basically, and I became totally burned out on writing recreationally.

In addition, it meant I was alone about 99 percent of the time. I didn't get to do too much Imperial Ganksquad-type stuff, and I always felt like I was missing out. Kidding. Kind of. I even considered trying to Imm this character, but again, no time.

It almost would have been worth it to stick it out just for the wedding, as I had initially planned, but I just didn't have it in me.

As for bards, they are probably my new favorite class. Maybe 170 hours into the character, I had figured out ways to become damn near invincible, and could wade into most any combat situation and come out on top. While the reward was great, man, was that learning curve steep - I think there were several early fights where I went down in 2 rounds.

But once I got good, and then put Emperor powers on top of it, Tarleton was just plain sick!

Tarleton had relatively few hours at 350-something, considering how long he existed. But I interacted with a whole lot of people.

I will do my best to remember you, but please don't be offended if I forget.

IMMS: All of you are awesome. I enjoy this game immensely, and, like Zulgh, will probably end up "riding this donkey into the ground." I think that's the way he put it, at least. Thanks for not denying me, despite my filthy and inappropriate poetry. Oh, god. I can't wait to see the PBF.

Enlilth - Thanks so much for the promotions, support, fun interactions and tattoo. Made me feel very appreciated. Sorry I deleted so soon after that last chat. I simply can't be around more.

Thror - We had some great interactions early on, then it just kind of stopped suddenly and never continued. Maybe it was the hours...

Everyone else, I had short chats, but nothing immediately comes to mind, interaction-wise. Iunna, I'll be sending in Tarleton's complete works ;)

EMPIRE:

Gzurweeg - We did some really insane stuff early on, when you had your super-weapon. You seem to be pretty close to your old self, though! I was impressed at how you rebounded. You were really knowledgeable and fun to be around when our times matched up. You were quite the partner in crime!

Ahtieli - Thanks for the promotions. I was glad I didn't have to get you anath'd to become Emperor. ;) Like Gzurweeg, I was impressed at how you handled the demotion and rebounded.

Talund - After seeing the way you treated Obsoab, I couldn't feel that bad when it came around to bite you in the ass ;)

Glurgick - You're the man now, I'd wager. And you deserve it.

Hanstian - Your fall was kind of heartbreaking to watch. But it's the Empire.

Felthistle - You know the harmonica you helped me get when Tarleton was 30 hours old? I deleted with it.

Everyone else... sorry for deleting on you. Few of you really stuck out, though, and those who did seemed to disappear really quickly afterwards... (Ecekai!)

FORT:

Arrna - Probably my best enemy. Great fights!

Dupmasione - More great fights!

SCION:

Frismund - You must have hated fighting me!

TRIBUNAL:

Artenno was pretty cool. The rest... ehh... Except for that necro who joined the Empire ;)

BATTLE:

Malakhi, stick it out, man. And start inducting, damnit! I miss fighting ragers!

NEXUS:

Kyaltaru was my last real Nexus buddy. We had some great times.

There are so many others, but it's so late. At some point, I'll post The Complete Works of Tarleton for everyone to enjoy.

Can't thank you all enough for the 350 hours and several months of fun. I'll be back, but probably in the form of a character with fewer responsibilities.

Best,

Tarleton
Shenkov
Ghenghir
Bazarov
Vezran
Dullameh
Pelnebreus
Zaendiir
Viscrinth

...and many, many others over the years.

>>Ahtieli - Thanks for the promotions.
Welcome.

>>I was glad I didn't have to get you anath'd to become Emperor.
You should thank auto-demotion code :P Anyway I don't think you could get me anathemed but who knows.

You were desent bard from pk perspective. During our first meeting I though that you are whiny person who wants promotion. But as soon as I've read your works and spoke with you a little I understand that I'm so wrong and that you are awesome :P

I really really enjoyed your poems.

I can not comment much because we did not run around together much. Huge thanks for not being #### to me when I was demoted.

p.s. One thing. I'm wondering what was reasoning of peace with Nexus?

.

... I've ever intracted with in CF. Great work. I envy your talent.

-Artenno/Vythigor

I can't say it was expected, though it wasn't totally unexpected too :)
Cool character and my primary ganking buddy in late evenings. If they were screaming that means we did something right. And you rightfuly had my vote for the Emperorship (still not sure about yours though, hehe).
You kinda started to fade away lately, but the whole CF does that.

THIS!!! is the weak sauce. I was really looking forward to the marriage ceremony. I knew it'd have been the antithesis to normal CF marriages. You dropped off the face of the earth all together there right after Emperordom. Selfishly, i'm glad it wasn't something I did to burn you out on the char which I really really enjoyed.

I had visions of "Flava of Love" in my head for this whole marriage deal.

I was even ready to have a global echo when the ceremony was complete, something about Tarleton taking his new wives to show them the meaning of "Imperial Offense", and somewhere on the wind you hear a voice crying "Yeeea, BOYYYYY..."


Great char, good luck with the next.

It was the hours. This was (creatively) one of the top five players I've ever run across. Witty, charismatic and deadly. What a great combination.

I figured something had changed as you were no longer spotted in the evenings but during my early mornings. For shame!

Loved every bit of interaction with him. Good luck with the next and congratulations on the promotion!

Ha! I assassinated a future Emperor. I rawk. Heh.

Didn't have too much overlap but always thought you were pretty classy. Seems like you kept that #### up, so good on you, mate. Huzzah!

Bring on a villager!

Really refreshing to have an Emperor with a sense of humor-- even if we were enemies of sorts. Though Khalla would have actually enjoyed you sitting down and having a drink with her before you called it quits.

Sorry to be so mean to you and chase you all over your Thera *wink wink*.

Well done, quality character.

Necro Master?? If so pretty sure we explored whistlewood together with two others the night it was put in..

Yes, sir, we did. We rocked that place. And I believe I was the first mortal to ever don the stoneform amulet! Glad to see you're still around.

and yes, you were the first mortal for the stoneform... and I got my title of drowned duck... dont drink the water from the pond without water breathing...;)... good to see you around too..

xx

< 6> Mon Jun 8 21:34:01 2009
From : Tarleton
To : all
Subject: "Where the Outlanders Hide Their Log Traps"

Prepare, dear readers, for a frightening tale
about wild-kin of ages lost.
They live in the forests north of Arkham,
and at quite the minimal cost!

Few can find their hiding spots in the bushes,
away from cities and towns.
But seasoned adventurers know how to find them:
listen carefully for mangled pronouns.

These banes of the civil strike fear into hearts
of folks like me and you.
They also thrust their most ticklish parts
into beasts like dogs and ewes.

They forsake the gold that most all of us hold,
and smash it to little pieces.
Their currency, between you and me,
is in the Huntress's most intimate creases.

So if ever you see an Outlander,
you now know what to do.
Offer him a nice, warm animal,
so his lust might spare you!

* * *

Your hearts, your souls, your laughs for the Empire

Tarleton LeFleur, Imperial Poet

Dear readers,

Here is a tale for all the single conjurers. Remember: If you like it then you better put a binding on it.

* * *

Deep in the desert, the Scions plot.
Well, one of them, at least. That's all they've got.

"I must find a dark bride to marry," he said through his cowl.
He looked at the Archmage and grunted and scowled.

Deep in this Chasm, away from the sunlight above,
how would he ever find someone to love?

A real bad woman would be a nice fit.
He'd give her a ring, if he hadn't despoiled it.

And then, like lightning, the idea struck:
He'd conjure a demon, one he could... fu-... erm... marry!

With all of his mana and all of his might,
he was certain he'd gotten the binding spell right.

He said, "I do," and the demon's maw dripped.
Our Scion brought his bride to the Meeting Room and stripped.

He lunged at the creature with ferocious desire,
and just hours later, his crotch was on fire.

Up above, desert nomads could hear his moans,
as his parts rotted away and he died all alone.

* * *

Your hearts, your souls, your laughs for the Empire.

Tarleton LeFleur, Imperial Poet

Dear Readers,

Close your eyes and imagine a world without Evil. See a land where the Fortress has accomplished its goal: The forces of Darkness are vanquished, and the only red auras in Thera are found in the warm glow of fireplaces.

Below is a tale that takes place in this world, shortly after the fall of the Imperial Palace, and long after the fall of the Scions...

* * *

In the white Fortress behind the Maran Tara'bal
A giant named Humbert leaned against a wall.
He screamed in delight
When a light silver-white
revealed the god Shokai, bored out of His mind.

Said the Phoenix, "The Azure Fields are here, now,
but they're nearly empty - there's nary a cow!
So would you go forth and father
More goodies for me to bother?
I suggest you Lightforge something between your legs."

Humbert ran and he went on his mission heaven-sent.
He found the elf maid Ailinilia when his legs were nearly spent.
"Hey there, big guy,"
she smiled, so wry,
"I could use a good romp in the sack!"

Answered Humbert, "Alas, all the wicked men are dead,
so you must settle for me instead.
My hands are clammy
and my thighs are hammy
but Padwei says that I've got a nice smile.

"Now, please lie down on your back,
and do not mock the size that I lack.
This is my first try at procreating.
At long last, no more masturbating!
Now hold still while I... OHHH! -- Do you have a towel?

Ailinilia didn't flinch.
She felt not a tingle, a nip nor a pinch.
She stood up and frowned
at her soiled elf-gown
And ran to Hell to find an Imperial who could please her.

* * *

Your hearts, your souls, your laughs for the Empire.

Tarleton LeFleur, Imperial Poet

(EDITOR'S NOTE: My personal favorite.)

Valued readers, be advised: This tale is not for the faint of heart. I had failed to best mighty Ghrummin with my sword, so here I reach for my pen.

* * *

Listen, dear readers, to this story of lust,
set in a Village built near a city of dust,
where Magic is lost and their numbers have tripled.

Commander Woldrun cut down a mage and his muscles rippled.
The dwarf Ghrummin swung a hammer and his foe was crippled.
His might was too much for the commander to miss.

So with an enticing hiss,
Woldrun begged Ghrummin for a kiss,
and soon things got out of control.

Behind the shrine, the two mis-sized lovers stole,
as they frantically raced toward their goal.
The Village air filled with their sweaty brine.

"PULL MAH BEARD!" Ghrummin cried, feeling so fine,
"And dig inta mah deep, dwarven mine!"

With a whinny like a horse,
Woldrun delivered a blow of deadly force,
and the pair collapsed to the ground, writhing.

Even after all these years of fighting,
the Battleragers somehow keep things exciting.

Who says the Magic is gone?

* * *

Your hearts, your souls, your laughs for the Empire.

Tarleton LeFleur, Imperial Poet

But in your case, I'll post, given how awesome your character was.

Loved that poem. I didn't know how to deal with it with Ghrummin, so I made some weird responses - but man, you should go on a comedy tour, except use your poems instead of doing a standup routine.

We had a lot of good battles - I remember thinking how noobie you were when I pounded you down a few times, then you became emperor. I was so confused when you started whooping ass.

Anyways, awesome character, and glad I got to play against you.

Ghrummin out.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: This one, I expect, got the most eye-rolls)

Lord Enlilth brings all the toys to the bard
and my Lord
Is better than yours
Damn right,
He's better than yours
I'd promote you, but I'd have to charge

I know you want it.
The thing that makes me
what the ladies go crazy for.
It's the Blood Oath.
The way I sign.
I think it's time.

Ha ha - ha ha ha ha
Oath it up.
Ha ha - Ha ha ha ha
The Blades are waiting.

Lord Enlilth brings all the toys to the bard
and my Lord
Is better than yours
Damn right,
He's better than yours
I'd promote you, but I'd have to charge

* * *

Your hearts, your souls, your laughs for the Empire.

Tarleton LeFleur, Imperial Jester

xx

You talk to them like they actually log in. Or are my hours that different?

Hey, do me a favor and post your poems to this thread? I just read the Fortlander one you wrote a couple days ago and it was hilarious.

Good luck with your next!

I may be the last person you chatted with and you forget me in your goodbye? How depressing. ;)

Can't say enough good stuff about our interactions. Loved them. Thought you played it just right. I was really looking forward to officiating at a wedding, or at least being there. And that last poem, very funny. Glad you liked my little edit. ;)

It's a tough row to hoe with this guy, being the only one of his kind, and sometimes it even gets to me, but it's having the fun with characters like yours that makes it worth it. Thank you.

You're one of the best of the best. I remember almost all of your characters (and the ones I don't were probably during my hiatuses), and each was impressive.


Take care.

I really liked Tarleton. Like, the fact that Tarleton was Emperor sort of made me wish I were playing an Empire character, just because it seemed like you'd be fun to be around.

Liked the poetry too. Though, in your last one, you called me a dude. Le sigh.

And it's not the first time I've done that! Add that to the corrections I'll make in the Complete Works.

I hated fighting Sulye, by the way. ;)

NOOOOO. MY PAYDAY! Hehe. I've interacted with you with a few characters, and you're always outstanding. Thanks for the interaction!

Loved your rp. Very slick.

I really did want to go through with that. I envisioned it as being one of the funniest CF moments ever:

Comedian Emperor marries three completely messed-up broads who are using him for his riches and status, or worse. And I was going to order Obsoab, the misogynistic High Priest who referred to all women as "whores," to officiate.

But Obs deleted and stuff started to fall apart. I shuddered at the thought of trying to coordinate it all with my schedule.

That would have been extremely funny, but more on the arrangement and my role when I'm gone! I had a good time, either way! I totally understand the time issue (my first near hero in quite a few months), and thanks for the time you put in. GLWYN.

OMG Viscrinth!
You helped me get my first hero, thank you!
When you liched and Palan and you took me to Aridhol and dragged my Tiger along, you got me my first hero and it felt so good. You also helped me find wands so I wasnt worthless back then and allowed me to finally have a semi sucessfull char. I was like #### we dont have a tank, then I learned that necros had vamp touch, and it went quick with Palans uber weapons and an offense form ripping through mobs like wet paper sacks. Very glad to still see you around.

I was Deiha ;) Had a bunch of fun with you.

Anyways, kick ass char! Was hoping to have some fun with you with my current... But seems as if that won't happen.

fds

nt