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The Battlefield | Topic subject | RE: Kyaltaru is dead and gone, thanks for all the fun. | Topic
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84823, RE: Kyaltaru is dead and gone, thanks for all the fun.
Posted by Tarleton on Wed 31-Dec-69 07:00 PM
A stand-up character. Glad to be in the mutual-admiration club with you. By the by, I thought you should see this, in case you don't roll your next for a while:
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From : Tarleton LeFleur To : all Subject: "Kyaltaru's Final Balancing Act"
Dear sincerely loved readers and treasured subjects,
A giant has fallen - a giant downer! The following tale shows that even in death, a sad soul can find relief.
* * *
Up in the Heavens, the gods of Light peered down from the clouds, and they sneered
A soul too dark for them looks above, sad eyes searching for his long lost love
Below, the devils smirk and roll their eyes at the friendly spirit's ultimate demise
A soul too light for them stares down there, his heart still heavy with eternal despair
Forlorn and alone, Kyaltaru's soul to his body returned, to watch his mortal shell rot on the Island before it's burned
"Oh, I had nothing to live for, anyway," the ghost said as his wood-elven corpse bloated with the gases of the dead
With the onset of rigormortis, its lifeless face became taut and it took on a morbid grin that in life it knew not
As the stars began to show his dead bride Calbaseeti arrived through a gate and the bard's spirit cried, "Alas, how long I've been forced to to wait!"
But Kyaltaru's soul then frowned and scratched his head, "I don't feel as excited as I hoped - Oh, I'm just useless and dead."
When ethereal Calbaseeti embraced him tight, Kyaltaru went limp, hardly putting up a fight
That's when they both jumped and turned at a sound, looking in time to see Kyaltaru's airborne corpse land upside-down
It was balanced on a pile of speckled, rotting dung at least four feet high that had somehow blasted out from between the body's cold thighs
His spirit felt immediately relieved and light as Balance was restored to his bowels that night!
He drank to dull the pain of what he thought was angst and sorrow, but it was really just the ache of enough crap to fill ten barrels!
Kyaltaru's spirit, reborn, smiled and kissed his bride and, for once, couldn't be upset, even if he tried
The two dissolved together to go to Limbo - boring! No place for those involved with murder or whoring.
Meanwhile, Kyaltaru's death-grinning corpse emitted some gas in a staccato squeal through his throat that sounded not unlike a laugh.
* * *
Your hearts, your souls, your lives for my Empire
Tarleton LeFleur the Jester King, Emperor of Thera
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