Sat Jun 18 20:38:53 2022

At 1 o'clock AM, Day of Freedom, 18th of the Month of the Dark Shades
on the Theran calendar Tilea perished, never to return.

Race:	half-elf
Class:	conjurer
Level:	51
Alignment:	Neutral
Ethos:	Chaotic
Cabal:	HERALD, the Heralds of the Eternal Star
Age:	131
Hours:	266

God I hated this character so much. I wondered if I would regret deleting but I never once considered undoing it. This was my first time playing a conjurer and I went neutral because I'm a dumb bitch who didn't know better. So THAT sucked. I couldn't manage to go ANYWHERE without dying. (^..^)?

I binge watched Gilmore Girls again and just used all my "mom energy" I get told I have a lot for this character. Tilea was just supposed to be a refresher for me in getting into the Heralds. Then EVERYONE left and I had no one to RP with. Everyone was off on these incredible story arcs and I was Inn-sitting and talking to literally every lowbie on who for fun. (It WAS fun but still.)

Thanks for giving me all the cool stuff, Rarywey. I said the dumbest thing I could have ever said during my High Herald promotion and wanted to cringe myself into a singularity of shame but you handled it like a champ. I feel like you were trying to keep me interested in this character but I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to DO as a Herald. "Kytria is back in the Heralds now after writing a letter. Just, you know, don't be mean to her." or 'Zoraikla tried to blow up the Inn but we saved it.' "Not really important. Wanna be High Herald?". It's probably my fault for making friends with you and all of your followers without being in your spheres. I feel like I worked pretty hard at trying to rebuild the Heralds and that I deserved at least SOME support from Rarywey but it always felt like I was just getting shoved aside for religious stuff. It, however, is NOT my fault that you just happen to be awesome and attract other awesome people. ¯\_???????????_/¯

Quiv and Justere, you guys were great. Thanks for keeping me company. ????????????????? Tilly had a massive crush on Quiv but didn't really question it because she justified it as 'Of course I'm attracted to Quiv. EVERYONE is.'.

As a side note: I decided to help give lower level players snow worm or midnight dragon gear because I would have liked that when I was at their ranks but holy #### do a LOT of different people feel comfortable saying things at level 15 like "I don't really want that, but hey can you get me this hero-level rare item from an area explore for me? Also here's a shopping list of all the other super high-level stuff I want. Feel free to let me know when you have it." I have never even considered just ASKING a person to get me an item let alone being that picky and ####ish about it. I'm just not going to bother with helping anyone for my next few characters. Huge turn off.

But none of my whining was enough to keep me away from the game. I'm just biding time waiting for the character challenge at this point.

Edit: Well son of a bitch my adorable cat emojis don't work. Squiggles (and the very real cat I based him on) would never let this happen.

Edit edit: Also if you feel like I didn't mention you or care about you, I cared about EVERYONE but I'm just extremely ####ed up currently because I felt like it would be a Tilly way to spend the night.

Tilea was always surprising and I adored your energy equal to the measure that it confounded me. I was definitely curious to see where exactly your fascinating role was going, and I will say that's the biggest disappointment about the delete.

"I feel like I worked pretty hard at trying to rebuild the Heralds and that I deserved at least SOME support from Rarywey but it always felt like I was just getting shoved aside for religious stuff."

I appreciate all the work that Tilea put in, but I'm not sure why you felt unsupported. I did make the suggestion to you to run an event which you flatly said no to doing--unsurprising since I got that from Tilea a lot--Tilly gonna do what Tilly wanna do. It's definitely an easy way for a Herald to feel like they have some direction by bringing diverse groups of people together. You would have definitely had imm-support with that. Additionally, you received a con quest from me, a leadership spot (which you had the option to decline if you weren't really feeling it), several one-on-one interactions, and a custom title. Let me know what I could've done better and I will make an effort to bring that more to the table for Herald in the future.

Oh no! Please don't change anything! You are easily one of my favorite characters I've ever met and looked forward to hanging out with you every time you scared the crap out of poor Tilly. I never gave you your basket back with it filled with goodies, but I DID use it to hold a bunch of treats for horrible orphans.

Also I'm just going to make my own mint green picnic basket IRL because I legit can't stop thinking about it.

You were so easy to talk to and even just waste time playing with Squiggles with that I'm almost positive when I try to play an empowerment character I'm going to get smote...d...for being waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too chummy with a literal living god.

I NEVER thought I would make leader or even get to live as long as I did. You obviously took pity on me about my CON quest ingredients and were 100% right in doing so because had it been even slightly more difficult it would have killed me immediately.

I'm also not 100% on Rarywey's religion because like Tilly I outright refuse to learn. I'm sure what I thought of as distance was more just...the aloofness that comes with being all knowing and talking to a mortal who refuses to shut up.

I think what ####ed up Fancy was trying to say was that Tilea wore being a Herald like a badge of honor. I really appreciate all the awesome things you gave ME, but Tilea was more concerned about helping the HERALDs rather than herself. She found it confounding that people just forgave Kytria and Zoraikla because she would start (and forget) 20 blood vendettas a day.

I'm sure most of what came across as criticism is more me not understanding: "Yes I'm a Herald IMM but I'm also an IMM who runs my own religion so what might seem devastating to you is just a chore I have to get to at some point."

Your reactions to and interactions with Squiggles (and the manic little kitchen goblin who owned him) were a main part of why I kept going even when I didn't like the character and one day I might actually read the helpfile for your religion and give it a shot!

Edit: I realize I didn't specifically say this: I really appreciate every reward/interaction you gave me. This was supposed to be a throwaway character who I NEVER expected to make it this far. Thank you!

#1 influence on my character and I wish everything hadn't ended the way it did. GLWYN.