Role

Chapter 13

Neutrality
Added Wed Oct 18 11:56:08 2006 at level 25:

Much I have learned, traveling with others. I've been finding companions of all sorts, from all backgrounds, and been talking, listening, and asking questions. I've explored much of this world, fought with many of its denizens, conversed
with many more, and feel I'm beginning to understand some things that growing up on the streets didn't teach me.

For one thing, I've learned a lot of this world seems to center on the Path one follows in life, what lies in the hearts of people. Light, Dark, they seem to be constantly at war, or at least, certain factions of them do. The rest seem
to just attempt to make ends meat and to justify whatever actions they take. Some find meaning in the Gods, others in knowledge, others still in greed or blood, and many simply strive for survival.

It is not for me to judge the actions of others, however, but I am curious about myself. From what I've seen, Light can be just as ignorant as Dark. I've questioned the actions of some who would call themselves Light, asking why
they do some of the things they do. They rarely give a satisfactory answer. I ask why a particular beast needs slain or a person brought to justice, what harm that being brings to others, and the response is often along the lines that
since they're Dark, or evil, they must be slain.

What is evil, though? Many would say that not caring about others is evil, but why? Why must a person care about others to not be considered evil? How many must one care about to be considered good? Perhaps had I not grown up on the
streets of the Farm of Udgaard Loke, I would know this, but even my observations of the Golden Voralian City show me that there is poverty, greed, and callousness. The streets of Darsylon are better, but I've met more than one Elf
who thinks that just because a person utilizes the art of magic, that that person deserves to be slain. It just doesn't make sense.

Do I think myself evil because I only care about myself? Of course not, but then, I am not the one who made the definition, now am I? I don't think myself evil, though. Sure, I can be pretty malicious, I play with people's emotions, I
lie, I cheat, and I've shed the blood of innocents, but it's not like I take pleasure in bringing harm to others. Well, perhaps I take pleasure in tricking others into believing what I want them to, but my actions all stem from one sole
source, Survival.

Yes, Survival, I am in a category of people, I am like others, a fish in the sea. How can I know anything else, though? All these things I do, they keep me alive. I try to keep those who are Light at arm's length just as much as I try
to keep away those who are Dark. It's kind of funny I do this by bringing them all closer, but I suppose that ought to be pondered another time. Everything I do, though, all the playing with people's emotions, the shedding of blood, I do
to survive. It's what I grew up with, it's all I know. Can a person really call me evil for wanting to exist?

It's not like I'm purely selfish, either, or don't care about others. I honestly do. I try to be generous when I can, and I try to do the right thing. I rarely succeed, but I try. Isn't that what counts? Is it my fault that I
prefer life to good deeds? I don't think it is. All I know is that if a person thinks me good or evi