September Role Contest 32Ardfil - (75) The author presents a nice read with some great imagery. Thecharacter map is done in a nice concise telling that covers the right points,yet I am left thinking there should have been an update in here somewhere(maybe following with the cabal choice, how the character got to his actualguild or even something concerning new enlightenment into religious views).Aunkdunell - (70) A very interesting start to a role that really sets the barfor this character's role play. At the same time, after reading it I feelthat some key points in the character map were over looked or simply toorushed (such as class choice for example). While I haven't personallyobserved this character, from reading the role it definitely sounds likesomething fun to play.Blitterskip - (65) I can't say that I've ever read this classic thiefcharacter map presented in such a fun way before (with real interactionreferences to boot). Of course, the map is lacking in some ways, and there'snot a whole lot of depth placed into the character within this single entry.There might not be anymore depth to this character (which is fine), but it isa role contest.Destim - (80) This is an excellent use of updates that really gives a lot ofprogression to the character, making me want to know how the story ends. Itsso easy to see the change in the character, something that's very refreshingto read. At the same time, there are a few things missing from the charactermap that I feel could have been explained in some more detail.Eiyanna - (80) Overflowing with some terrific imagery, this was an excellentbackground story to read. Obviously, it's still unfinished, and there's alot more basic information to be told about the character. A boosted scorefor the start, but not a winner this time due to lack of completion. Greatjob just the same!Erelia - (75) An acceptable use of updates, but perhaps not the best use ofupdates. Some of the story line seems too similar between the chapters,rather than furthering along the character map. At the same time, theinjection of humor made for a nice light read, which I personally enjoy. Ihope this character does eventually find some more direction.Grelemben - (50) While a correspondence style role may make things a littleeasier to convey (compared to writing some elaborate first person story),I think it's also difficult to inject the full character map into letters.This role is an example of this difficulty, as I, being the reader, could notget a good grasp of who Grelemben is from the correspondence. Also, somechapters simply have no significance on the character at all.Hafren - (70) This was a hard one for me to rate; on one hand the role doeshighlight most of the right points in a character map, on the other the taleis full with a lot of unneeded information and added filler characters thatdidn't personally move the role of Hafren along (the secretary for example).Your take on (what I assume to be) future cabal choice is unique. It's asolid role, but simply not a winner. I'll also mention when you enter futurerole chapters to keep them between 75 and 80 characters, your lines wererunning at just below 100. It can make things difficult to read in someclients if your lines are over 80.Halriztan - (65) Also difficult for me to rate; I read story after story andthen come to this role where is more of an outline format. While it isrefreshing to have the character map so easily pointed out, this map is stilllacking in some useful information. Without anything really unique, or someof the great imagery I have been seeing in some other roles, it simply doesnot stand out as a winner. Still, perfectly acceptable, and deserving of thepoints already awarded to it.Halrog - (65) This is very well written as far as use of the English languagegoes, and it is presented in a nice concise format. The subject of thesecond chapter seems a little rushed, with too many details added in.Another chapter maybe explaining this further, or how it is helping thecharacter to mature in some way would be nice. Also, some basic points ofthe character map are a litte lacking (how the character got to the cabalor how this life choice is changing him or enhancing him etc.)Inaveri - (50) Nice short chapters that make for light reading, but maybe thelength in chapters is constricting the character map. It would be nice tosee a little more direction towards the aspirations of this character, oreven some personal quirks that really make role playing pop. Over all, itspretty basic and pales when compared to some other entries, still veryacceptable for its purpose but not a winner.Kikebi - (80) I like the concept of this story, but the beginning chaptersirked me slightly. While there are many things from todays world within CF,CF is still its own world with its own society norms, terminology etc. Ifelt that the first chapters just had a little too much real world feel tothem, and not enough CF world feel. That being said, the progressive updatesare nice and the character map is well put together. Not a number one pickfor this contest, but I'm certain with all of the character quirks this isa really fun character to play.Kimemrak - (90) I had read and rated this role originally, and stillremembered it since then. The story of how the character's ethos andalignment were formed is terrific, and I especially enjoyed the addition ofseveral gods, CF places and even references to some lyceum books. Excellentjob!Lelorinel - (50) A perfectly fine, I'm an evil bastard and I kill people forsport' role, but in terms of a contest the full spectrum of the character mapis lacking. As this is a young character, I'm certain this will fill out intime.Lerzion - (85) Well, I've left you with the same score as last time, but therecent additions are just as consistent with the role if not enhancing itslightly. The previous comments still apply, great job with conveying thethoughts and feelings of the character in the most recent chapter.Lezra - (60) It is difficult to get a make up of a character into very shortrole entries, and the first few chapters were simply lacking in information.However, combined there's plenty of nuggets thrown in there (especiallyconcerning the character's personality, which is nice) to make this aviable role, but not a contest winner.Lierieng - (75) This is a very nice start to a role, but I still see it as astart rather than a mostly complete package (which is reasonable consideringthis is a young character). There's a lack of balance with the backgroundstory of the character's mother (wow, what a birthing story), and the storyof the actual character. Some nice, progressive role updates could help movethis one along.Mueghlu - (85) What an interesting story that was very well put together.The only thing that I think could be improved upon would be some furtherinsight into how the sphere influences the character. Excellent job,definitely one that stands out amoung the others.Neleai - (80) The same comments from last time still apply, but the recentchapter additions definitely give this one a boost. Especially the chapterabout a certain someone really helps to fill out the role play of thecharacter, and give someone watching the character some insight. Good job.Nelmae - (75) The mentioning of a loved race is a little choppy here, and I'mnot really sure how that fits in with the character. Something to look atfor further updates maybe. It's obviously what the focus of the characteris, but maybe it would be nice to develop some other things a little more.Over all, nice role.Orsvald - (50) While a viable role, there's a lot lacking in thecharacter map. It simply pales when compared to the other entries.Orumaen - (75) Having a run down of the previous chapters is always awelcomed addition, so thank you for that. The role is a nice story andclearly shows the path to evil, but at the same time it still feels alittle unfinished. Well done over all.Osorac - (65) Well this is a pretty interesting start, and I really like theboldness of using an usual sphere given the circumstances. Yet, I'm certainyou know this has a very unfinished feel to it, and I think the character mpcould be improved upon significantly. Great start all the same.Rynim - Disqualified - role added after the cut off date.Saerali - (85) While this is not an original sort of story line, thefantastic use of updates cannot be ignored. The entire package really givessome great insight into the thoughts and feelings of the character, somethingthat a lot of people (including myself) have trouble putting into a role.There is also a lot of movement here, and I really get a sense of how thecharacter has matured. I will also give a big thanks to you for using someformatting in the later chapters, much easier to read.Sammuel - (85) I really really liked the quotes you put at the bottom of thefirst two chapters, and it would have been nice to see more of them in theother chapters. A very nice story with a more unique feel, and well puttogether. Some updates with some further insight would be nice, particularlysomething about the cabal choice and how the character feels about this.Overall, great job!Shumwrahm - (70) A perfectly acceptable role, but simply not a winner thisgo around. In the earlier chapters, there isn't a whole lot to explain thecharacter, and it leaves the character rather one tracked. The most recentchapter is probably the best as far as information concerning the charactermap. Nice job just the same.Symoinias - Disqualified due to late entry.Tanith - (80) There's definitely some insight into the character map here,and the effects on his behavior part is a nice touch. Still, the totalpackage pales compared to some other entries. Good job just the same.Tybretr - (75) A fun story that's more on the original side. It's due forsome updates, as a lot has happened to this character, and the character mapcould be filled out a bit more.Vizjun - (80) A nice original story that does give some insight into thecharacter map (the summary is appreciated). The imagery is also a nicetouch. Good job over all.Zefta - (65) All of the elements of this character seem a bit rushed. Someupdates would be nice to fill it out a bit. Nice job just the same.
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