Re: not wanting to ask people. If you stick to goodie-asking-goodie or cabal-asking-same-cabal then I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. If you're worried about people having to RP-ize stats, just ask them to let you handle it, then lore or identify it. If you don't have the identify spell/supp and/or the scrolls skill then you'd need to take the time to get lore up to a respectable level.

W.r.t. people having incomplete knowledge, just assume that whatever answer they give you for "what's the best gear at slow X for my build" may actually be wrong. But it's their best effort. If you ask several different people (who seem to be vets) then you can expect to assemble a reasonable "short list" of gear to aim for.