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TwistFri 11-Jan-13 08:37 AM
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#2184, "Book 04: The Shadow Rising"


The Shadow Rising
Pedron Niall: Fain, I've known you five minutes. You shall be my newest closest advisor. Take a legion of my men.

Fain: Cock-a-doodle-doo! Yip! Yip! Yeehaw!

Pedron Niall: Good plan. First we cock-a-doodle. Then we yip-yip. And finally, we yeehaw.

Fain: Shama-lama-ding-dong.

Pedron Niall: Interesting theory on the Shama-lama. But where is your proof?

Fain: Wicky-wicky-wicky.

Pedron Niall: Ah. Of course. You've been to Amadicia's great Wicky Wicky library. Both of its books must have been of

great use to you.


Pedron Niall: Good idea. Perhaps al'Thor can be lured out with piping hot ham.


Pedron Niall: Fain, with your brilliant insight on how to ambush an enemy by crawling like insects, the world will be

ours in weeks!

Fain: Are you aware that I’m insane?

Pedron Niall: I haven't been aware of much since I locked myself in this office twenty years ago.
The Wheel of Time comes and Ages come and go. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, and called the Fourth Age by

others who are dumb, in the city of Tear a wind rose.

Through the streets of Tear the wind blew. The wind blew past merchants crying their wares, past plump innkeepers

moping their brows, and past goodwives sweeping their front steps. The wind took a left on Third Ave, and headed for

Mistress Tia's House of Pies. But as usual the line was too long, so the wind sighed and went to Harlor's Ale House.

An hour later, the wind staggered toward the Stone of Tear.

The wind passed a pleasantly plump seabreeze carrying her tailwind in the air. He howled enticingly at her, but she

blew right past him.

"Typical," muttered the staggering wind, and spun himself around before falling on his face.
Faile: How much I beat you is a measure of how much I love you.

Perrin: Thanks for all the love.
Elayne: I talked to Rand for five minutes a year ago. I love him.

Egwene: You two are obviously soulmates. I will hand him to you. But he will be crushed because I am so desirable.
Egwene: Rand, I can't marry you.

Rand: Okay.

Egwene: How dare you act so casual. Most men would cry for days.

Rand: Fine, fine. I'm crying. Don't your hips get sore from planting your fists on them all the time?

Egwene: I have little hip holsters built into my dresses for my fists.
Elayne: Rand, I want you to kiss me.

Rand: Fine, fine. I'm kissing.

Elayne: Now I own you.
Moiraine: My brilliant theory about The Prophecy of the Dragon is that you need to wage war against Illian, because

'The People of the Dragon' obviously are the people of Tear. Also, you need to wear a yellow pointed party hat,

because that is my understanding of the line "He will bring war."

Rand: I have a different interpretation of The Prophecy of the Dragon.

Moiraine: What would you know about The Prophecy of the Dragon? You’re merely the Dragon Reborn, while I am a


Rand: You haven’t been helping me out a lot lately. You didn’t give me any advice in Fal Dara – instead, you ignored

me, and after Falme, you said I should simply "wait for the Pattern."

Moiraine: That's what good advisors do. Give advice once a year. And the advice that we do give is poorly thought-out

and incorrect.

Rand: My instinct tells me I should go my own way again.

Moiriane: That will lead to disaster.

Rand: It was a disaster when I went to Tear, and took Callandor?

Moiraine: Yes. That was a disaster because it made me look like an idiot for not advising you to do anything, then

being angry when you did something.

Rand: Well, these are disastrous times.
Elayne: Here is a note expressing my love.

Rand: You know that being near me is dangerous.

Elayne: In that case, here is a note expressing my hate. Men are so confusing.
Lanfear: This is the true me. Lanfear.

Rand: I hardly recognized you, since you revealed yourself as an even-more-beautiful most- beautiful woman ever.

Lanfear: Yes. Normally, as Selene, I travel around hidden as the most beautiful woman ever, but not quite as

beautiful as I actually am.

Rand: Well, no matter how beautiful your most-beautiful-woman-ever disguise is, rest assured that I cannot harm

women. Even those who are my mortal enemies.

Lanfear: Is that some sort of genetic problem?

Rand: If stupidity is genetic.
Rand: The ter'angreal doorway told me to go to Rhuidian.

Mat: Yes, me too.

Moiraine: It was foolish of you both to enter the doorway at the same time.

Rand: Maybe you should have given us that advice BEFORE we entered the doorway.

Moiraine: I would, but it’s more fun to give advice after it’s too late to change anything. That way, I can’t be

proven wrong. Now prepare to don your yellow party hat of war, and attack Illian with the Tairens, who use the code

name:</b> 'The People of the Dragon.'

Tairens: We are not the People of the Dragon.

Moiraine: You are what I say you are.

Rhuarc: Actually, we are the People of the Dragon.

Moiraine: What the hell would you know about it?
Thom: I must help you in Tanchico.

Nynaeve: We never need help.

Elayne: Yes. We never need help getting captured. Three times in two adventures. Beat that.

Nynaeve: Now pack away our nice dresses. We like to look our best when getting captured.
Aviendha: I’ve known Egwene five minutes. She is my best friend. Elayne is her best friend. You hurt Elayne. I hate

you. I also love you. Men are confusing.

Rand: Egwene is your best friend?

Aviendha: Yes.

Rand: And Elayne is her best friend?

Aviendha: Yes.

Rand: So Egwene has you and Elayne BOTH as best friends?

Aviendha: Yes. Among the Aiel, that is what we call "gossip sisters." Two best friends adopt another as a best

friend, and then they all three become best friends. And gossip.
Perrin: I must go home.

Faile: You may follow us, like a lost puppy. How much I humiliate you is a measure of how much I love you.

Perrin: Thanks for all the love.
Rand: Ah. Rhuidean.

Couladin: Die!

Amys: Couladin, you have broken the peace of Rhuidean. Do not do it again.

Couladin: Die!

Amys: Couladin, you have broken the peace of Rhuidean. Do not do it again.

Couladin: Die!

Rand: Amys, your line doesn’t seem to be working.

Amys: This is Wise Ones’ business.

Rand: Even if he kills me?

Amys: Yes, even if Couladin kills you, it’s still none of your business. Now excuse me, I must use our time-tested

technique:</b> Couladin, you have broken the peace of Rhuidean. Do not do it again.
Lan: Ah. Rhuidean.

Heirn: Aan’allein.

Bair: One Man.

Rhuarc: The Man.

Amys: The Only Man.

Melaine: The Man Who is a Country.

Seanna: One Man.

Rhuarc: I already said that.

Seanna: Damn.

Amys: The One Man Who Fell in Love With the Loud Braid-Puller.

Seanna: The One Man Who Went Up a Hill, but Came Down a Mountain.

Rand: That was a good movie.

Seanna: Yes, movies. That’s where we get most of our stupid nicknames for things. Now, come, chew on some gravel. Or

as we call it:</b> "Jabba."
Nynaeve: Ah, Tanchico. Run along, Thom and Juilin. Don’t get in our way. We run the operation here.

Thom & Juilin: Yes, ma’am.

Moghedien: Tell me everything you know.

Nynaeve: Yes, ma’am.
Amys: You must never go into Tel’aran’rhiod without one of us as a guide.

Egwene: But I’m so nosey.

Amys: Well, if you do, we won’t check up on you, anyway. Go for it.
Kadere: I am but a simple evil peddler.

Rand: Then join us, by all means.
Mat: I know the Old Tongue.

Rand: That’s weird. I laugh for no reason.
Aviendha: Our customs say that if you disobey the law, you must be punished.

Rand: Punished? You Aiel have crazy customs.

Aviendha: It couldn’t be simpler, wetlander. You see, a blacksmith may pick up a rock, but only if a roofmistress has

not picked it up first. If she has picked up the rock first, then the blacksmith must run five laps around her while

tapping his head. If the blacksmith’s first second-sister is younger than the roofmistress, then she may touch the

rock, but not pick it up. And that’s how we decide who will throw the marriage boulder on the new husband’s face. The

marriage boulder is called a "Greedo."

Bair: I remember seeing my first husband’s face crushed by the Greedo. Oh, we laughed for days. He thought

it was hilarious. Want some gravel, I mean, Jabba?

Aviendha: Sure, thanks.
Perrin: Die, Trollocs.

Verin: Interesting.
Carridin: I hate Aes Sedai because they destroyed the world. Now I must help the Great Lord destroy the world.
Rand: I am the Car’a’carn.

Couladin: Die!

Rand: Is anyone going to do anything about him?

Rhuarc: You mean aside from calling the Shaido "honorless dogs?"

Rand: Yes.

Rhuarc: No. He pretty much does what he wants.

Rand: Then I must suddenly go back to Rhuidean to fight for a sa’angreal-controlling ter-angreal that I walked right

past in Rhuidean.
Nynaeve: I have captured one of the thirteen most evil people on the planet. I really should kill you.

Moghedien: Yes, you should. But maybe you should talk to me for a while. You could make my eyes bulge with some

threats. Or you could watch my mouth try to work.

Nynaeve: You’re right. I never really take the time to get to know my enemies.
Rand: While I was off fighting a Forsaken, I suppose no one bothered to do anything about Couladin.

Bael: I gave him a dirty look.

Erim: You should have seen it. It was truly a mean, vicious look.

Rand: Well, as long as it was really mean.


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HOT TopicFor the record, A Memory of Light is.... [View all] , Twist, Wed 09-Jan-13 04:03 PM
Reply ISAM's Mock Summaries, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:32 AM, #12
Reply Deleted message, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:33 AM, #13
Reply Deleted message, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:34 AM, #14
Reply Book 00: Prequel Novel New Spring, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:35 AM, #15
Reply "Bukama: Buh." aehueuhe, Batman, 11-Jan-13 08:36 AM, #18
Reply Book 01: The Eye of the World, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:36 AM, #16
Reply Book 02: The Great Hunt, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:36 AM, #17
Reply Book 03: The Dragon Reborn, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:37 AM, #19
Reply Book 04: The Shadow Rising, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:37 AM #20
Reply Book 05: The Fires of Heaven, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:38 AM, #21
Reply Book 06: Lord of Chaos, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:39 AM, #22
Reply Book 07: A Crown of Swords, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:41 AM, #23
Reply Book 08: The Path of Daggers, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:42 AM, #24
Reply Book 09: Winter's Heart, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:43 AM, #25
Reply Book 10: Crossroads of Twilight, Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:43 AM, #26
Reply Damn Dude!, TJHuron, 09-Jan-13 10:36 PM, #6
Reply RE: For the record, A Memory of Light is...., N b M, 09-Jan-13 05:04 PM, #2
Reply Yeah my day yesterday was interesting, Twist, 09-Jan-13 05:26 PM, #4
Reply Huh..., Zulghinlour, 09-Jan-13 04:11 PM, #1
     Reply Yep..., Twist, 09-Jan-13 05:24 PM, #3
     Reply Funny thing is..., Dallevian, 09-Jan-13 07:33 PM, #5
     Reply Just a bit for the soooo long thing., Bajula, 10-Jan-13 06:28 PM, #8
     Reply RE: Yep..., Zulghinlour, 10-Jan-13 11:11 PM, #10
          Reply Exactly..., Twist, 11-Jan-13 08:21 AM, #11
     Reply Same for me. First time I ever gave up in the middle. ..., Artificial, 10-Jan-13 09:52 AM, #7
     Reply Same, Daevryn, 10-Jan-13 10:29 PM, #9
     Reply Just finished it -- the last three change the murky mid..., highbutterfly, 03-Feb-13 10:45 PM, #27
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