Role

Chapter 15

Panmorne's arena challenge was a welcome chance for Drissa to watch some new
and some old enemies fight and learn from their tendencies, to test herself
in difficult situations, and to observe how some of the others within the
Brigade handled themselves. It went about as well as she expected, and part
of her wished she could go back and substitute practice daggers in the final
bout against Ghar, Luciaquos, and Watiaka. She was satisfied to have won
some small measure of glory with her success there, confident that it would
inspire more and more to take up arms for her cause, and perhaps plant seeds
of despair in the hearts of her enemies.

Of late, she has found it less and less frequent that she encounters fights
against a single opponent, and as her friends and companions suffer more and
more instead of her when their enemy takes out its anger upon them, she
initially struggled to adjust her mindset. She began to dream again,
restlessly. One time, she saw an ancient whitesteel box, somewhere dark and
old and silent and still. Inside the box was nothing but light, brilliant
and terrible light, and the briefest vision of a bladed implement of war...

This dream stuck with her, and at first she asked others to help her search
for the box, to try to determine if it was more than just a dream. Then,
with the help of Aurew and eventually the goddess Ishuli, she came to realize
that her dreams were less likely to be visions of something tangible, but
rather reflections of her inner turmoil: Drissa had come to think of herself
as little beyond the blades she wields against the enemy, and even admitted
to both the Cardinal and the Witch that she had lost sight of what to do with
herself when there was not fighting to be done.She had, unconsciously,
begun to slip towards becoming that which she stands against. "We call this
duty a burden," she said, "So why am I unsatisfied to not have to bear it for
a while?"

Put so plainly, she was able to see clearly once again, and to properly
appreciate time spent without blood to shed. It was not lost upon her that,
without the assistance of her dearest friend Aurew and Ishuli's discerning
counsel, she might have lost her way...