Role

Chapter 26

Condolences, condolences. I woke to so many, from his allies and enemies
alike. It didn't feel real at first. I asked cousin Tanzer to tell me it was
all a dream. It didn't feel real to him either, and denial was a small
comfort. I pinched myself to check, and I couldn't even feel that. I went
to Galadon and made coffee for the magistrates, bless them. Annkhu and
Aesoakob, all of us experiencing his loss in our own way. They'll be all
right, he groomed some good ones. After, I went up the mountain and all
alone, I talked to the sky. To him.

I feel very small and very cold and very lost. I have no words, just tears
and a clenched jaw and nausea. Daphedee's been telling me for years how close
the end is. I could have listened better. I could have been prepared.
Except you never can be prepared. I'm glad I'm so old. Really. Maybe I'll
get another fifteen, twenty years. What's that compared to a lifetime spent
together? Before I know it, I'll see him again. He always told me I was an
optimist, that I brought out the best in him. Did he know what he brought out
in me? Oh how this hurts. I didn't know it was going to hurt like this.
Laeden, I love you, I love you, I love you. Save me a story. I won't be too
long, and then we'll have eternity.