I took notes while I was judging the role contests. Mostly these are to
help me differentiate my feelings on the roles as I made a second pass for
winners. This means there might be some critical things said about your
role. Secondarily, I wanted to provide feedback for the entrants, so
you can get my perspective on what makes a role "good" or "bad", and some
ways to improve in general.

For more specific critiques or suggestions for improvement, I will do my best to answer emails at fjarn@carrionfields.com.

I judged on several categories, give or take some wiggle room:

1 - Plot. How interesting is your story?
2 - Storytelling. How well do you tell the story and get the point across?
3 - Character. How well do you tie in ethos, sphere, class, religion, cabal?
4 - Mechanics. Does your formatting and grammar make my eyes bleed?

These are sorted in alphabetical order.


Aieruh
Philosophy of the cabals, with specific races and classes thrown in.
Gives a decent account of how the character feels toward most
everyone else, and why.

Ailen
Gives insight into why the character has chosen this path. Updated
as the character progresses, dealing with his issues and growing.
Consider spell check or a quick proof-read…

Arrna
Dead before read

Baldrien
Good use of the author's take on CF history to develop the
character. I liked the third update, "Understanding", but I didn't see
much character growth (or even relevance) in this or the fourth
update.

Bezzilan
I found the role a difficult read, until the update detailing the
character's unintentional breaking of his self-imposed restrictions.
I liked the way this update was written. The abrupt writing style
reflected the changes in the character well.

Brearious
Interesting start for this role. It is concise and well-written, but it
needs some expansion before I really know what the character is about.

Brodacious
Your name distracted me throughout the reading of this role. I don't
really know anything about the character's motives.

Dabril
Dead before read

Dehgrek
Liked the style of this role. The juxtaposition of war and garden in
the update was surprising enough to make me read a second time.
There are loose ends yet to be tied, and I'd like to learn more about
what really happened to the character that first night.

Deladriembor
Short, sweet, and to the point. A great character summary, but not
what I'm looking for in a RC winner.

Derogker
Good, well-written role that describes the character's motivations
without going nine generations into the past to do so. The first three
chapters did a good job of showing the character's progression
from lost and confused to "aha!" without too much fluff. The rest of
the role was ok, but felt like a forced extrapolation of a few key
moments in the character's life.

Dins
Like the role and am interested to see where it goes next. It's written
in an easy style, intermixed with clever and stylistically unique
updates that mimic MOTD and Identify. It leaves me wondering, how
will the character react to the knowledge he's received, and what
other styles will be incorporated to tell the story.

Dreyalian
It's not a bad start, but for some reason I had a hard time
understanding what message was being conveyed. This is one case
where breaking the story into two chapters instead of one might have
helped you to expand on these very important events. Use some
future updates to show how the character develops over time.

Drlmarir
Good start, but stops just shy of really detailing the character's
motivations. I would expect roleplaying and future role updates to
kind of chronicle the course of the character's growth and progress.

Dupmasione
Long role with an interesting style, always relating the character and
current events in his life back to the core physics of fire. It just
didn't hold my interest, I'm afraid.

Fruh
Dead before read

Fulgrum
Easy style to read, and a good role concept that steps outside the
box without going full retard. Updates show the wax and wane of
the character - the screwups and the recoveries, and some focus on
the character's religious progress. Overall, a very good role.

Ghaski
Good role concept and history of where the character comes from,
but not much on how this history affects the character. I was
surprised to see the sphere choice, which means the role didn't really
touch on why it was chosen.

Gzurweeg
Role was ok, but hard to read due to formatting. Break your
paragraphs up a little more to help the reader focus on what's
important. I caught myself skimming a lot, and as a result, felt that
much of the writing was fluff rather than substantial to the character's
definition.

Hapohlln
Name overload. The first chapters didn't hold my interest because I
got lost in your names. Did the character even appear in the first
chapter? I'm not sure. Someone with a similar name shows up in the
second chapter, but it's not spelled the same as the character. I felt
that maybe with a little more care, this could have been an excellent
role.

Huk
The first chapter was ok, but the updates were walls of text that just
didn't do much for me. I did re-read it, and picked up on some stuff
I'd missed the first pass through, but the formatting is still too hard
to get past.

Ilvo
Really good role and well-written for an easy read. Sphere choice
makes sense, but still leaves a few directions for the character. I'd
love to see an update and watch the character to see where the story
goes next, which to me is a sign of a great role.

Jaina
Dead before read

Jhunok
Simple, straightforward role, but not exceptional.

Kalisda
Very well written, if extremely verbose, role. I enjoyed the first few
chapters, but lost interest in the middle. I wanted to skip ahead to
The Returning, to see where the real story continued, so I know that
your story is a good one.

Kalsuul
Pretty simple and straightforward role. This could be really good
with some better scene descriptions or dialogue. As it was, the role
is effective, but not amazing.

Kearina
I had a difficult time understanding the role. I do like the basics that I
grasped, and think that the character is well designed to generate
internal conflict. I missed the importance of the seasonal chapter
titles. Later, you have a better entry expressing the character's link
to her sphere.

Leahraleya
Basic bardy role. The flow is a little jerky and not continuous, which
makes it somewhat difficult to see the character's development. I
wouldn't have guessed your sphere, but I could kind of see how it
relates after I cheated and looked it up.

Lornis
Started strong and really grabbed my interest, but then I'm not sure
what happened. It was like the plot slowed down and stalled a little.
I like the premise of the role, though.

Maldaris
Interesting take on ethos, and captures the adjustments the character
had to make in his early years. I like that I can see the changes in the
character reflected in the role over time, especially in regards to the
cabal interactions. I enjoyed the "return home", those chapters were
very engaging.

Mariki
Started with a good background on the character, but the next two
chapters didn't feel like they added as much as they could have.
While the style initially turned me off, I found it endearing and
actually important to the simple telling of the tale.

Menthias
Not bad, a good background of the character's past and upbringing,
and how it came to be at the present. I like that the chapters were
short, but I wouldn't have guessed the class and sphere from the
role.

Nerys
Neat role that incorporates the familiar in a good way. I liked the
story, but as we get into the present, it becomes less interesting. It's
still a contender, though I will favor those contending roles that have
better formatting and less of a wall-of-text feel.

Nokera
The style of this role is refreshing in its simplicity. It's a good take
on the sphere, one that I would be interested in following based on
this introductory chapter. There isn't enough other information about
the character yet to really justify a top-tier placing just now, but who
knows what we'll get in the next chapter!

Obsoab
I liked the personal grudge match that drives this character. The
feelings and motivations are pretty clearly denoted. There's nothing
wrong with the role, but there's just something holding it back from
being great.

Orlinden
Some character motivations, and a brief background, but it lacks the
hook to really pull me in.

Qrikot
The premise is good, rolling the character's motivation into sphere
and cabal choice. It was a difficult format to read, being a wall of
solid text. The role was above average, and told the story
effectively.

Reia
Solid history with some character motivation in this role. I'd like to
see more of what drives the character, especially with respect to
sphere choice.

Rynawi
Decent role with a good hook for future development. Bonus points
for "fracticious machinations" - they make an ointment for that, you
know. Nice incorporation of CF history and lore. I'd rate it above
average, but not quite top tier.

Shaughath
I would hazard a guess that you enjoy writing poetry in general.
There were a few parts that felt good, but overall, the role just didn't
work for me. I suspect this is the type of role that may score a 7
with one judge and a 10 with another. That's kind of the problem with
the poetic style, but everyone's a critic - don't let me hold you back.

Sohtyn
History of the character and some background for class choice, but
it fails to show the character's motivations. The story is concise and
understandable.

Ssirenia
Pretty good, if long, role. I like the style, especially the jumps from
past to present and back… it keeps interest without being too
disjointed. It was well-written. The only drawback I have is that the
last few chapters aren't focused on the character. You eventually
bring it all back together, but for awhile, I didn't really know where
you were going. Also, in general, I'd like to see how you incorporate
this new person into your roleplay in the game.

Stevers
This is the only role I didn't read. I tried to stab my steely knife at
this frightening wall of text, but failed in epic fashion. The places I
spot read seemed humorous in a mushroom-induced hallucination
sort of way, but since I couldn't bear to read the whole thing, it's not
going to win.

Tarsuil
I like the story, but the formatting really needs some work. Split up
your dialogue some, and clean up some run on sentences and you
might find a better flow. With better flow, you'll have an easier time
telling the story, and your plot may truly come to life.

Theollas
Nice, simple story and plot. Good format and writing style - I have
very little to say critcally, but it also isn't exceptional in the way that
makes it a number one. Sphere choice isn't apparent from the role,
but it makes sense if you connect the dots that have been laid out.

Tinalill
Pretty common plot with a minor twist that sort of takes away from
the story rather than adds to it. It got more interesting as the
character developed.

Tinsalaop
Better than average story, mostly background leading up to the
character rather than actual character background (if that makes
sense). It's got potential, with several plot hooks for the character to
progress along.

Ustul
Not bad. I appreciate the first sentence, which, in some other roles,
is said in two full, dedicated chapters. The battle recaps weren't
bad, but I've judged those a little bit more harshly in this contest - it's
exceptionally hard to get high marks with them.

Yaniyule
Good role that provides background, motivation, and updates based
on the character's life. Probably spent too many chapters on the
religion, but I understand what angle you're working, and being a
priest, it's probably a good thing to chronicle your progress in the
religion.

Yharan
Basic role for a thief. It's concise, but a little too thin on content to
be a contender.

Yoki
Neat role that leaves some questions to be answered by the future
actions of the character. I like your take on the ranger and some of
the unique aspects of the character. You were able to convey your
message briefly, without belaboring it with unnecessary fluff.

Zalenne
This was a really, really good role. You set the stage in detail
(maybe too many chapters for my liking to begin with, but they read
fast). Then, as the character progressed, the story continued,
incorporating growth and change without reliving nineteen battles or
obviously trying to attract the attention of a god. It was well-written
and I feel like I could pick up an interaction immediately with the
character, as if I had known and watched her throughout her life.
Definitely a front-runner.

Zemiria
Good start to the role, leaving me wondering what happens next.
Concise and well-written, but it feels like it's missing its fourth
chapter. What happens next, and how does the character become
who she is today?

Zukikemi
Started off ok, but .. I'm sorry, the role just didn't do it for me.