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NeltoudaWed 12-Aug-09 11:11 AM
Member since 28th Jul 2008
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#2352, "August 2009 Role Contest:"


          

Winners:

1st tier: Pleebert, Zaireh

2nd tier: Bartis, Kyaltaru, Mejheg and Yaelin


Comments, sorry no stats this time.


August 2009 Role Contest

58 entries

Aelanu - (75) This is a really great role, and I enjoy how it opens up the history
of CF as well as the character. However, I believe this role is still too
immature to stand out as a top winner. When I say immature, I simply mean that
it doesn't show me character progression/development. I also think the sphere
choice could be elaborated on some more such as how it effects the everyday
actions of the character. Keep adding to this one, and you may find yourself
winning another contest.

Arramain - (70) This is a very long but well written role. I must admit that you
have some absolutely fantastic lines in here, but I simply was not moved by the
explanation or story. I think a lot of this could have been compressed
significantly with the same effect, yet at the same time there seemed to be holes.
Also, it would be nice if you had updated it to show how the class came to be in
play etc.

Arrna - (60) I gave this role a higher than average rated only because I enjoy
the consistent use of updates (especially for a long lived character). However,
the writing in the role (the actual language) seemed inconsistent. I also wasn't
overly moved by the character map, but honestly after interacting with this
character there's a lot of other good things going on with Arrna.

Asgeirr - Deleted

Azedevar - Deleted

Azlotrah - Deleted

Balten - (65) This was cute and light and funny in all the right places. However,
I wasn't overly moved or drawn to the depth of the character. After reading the
role, I'm also not sold on the sphere choice.

Bartilo - Deleted

Bartis - (80) I really like this role because it is clean and simple as well as
the updates really show a lot of movement with the character. I think the sphere
choice, while explained, doesn't encompass the character enough in this role.
There's also a little funny in there, wish always makes for good reading.

Becalbray - (50) I think this role does a fair job of explaining the character
map. Although after reading it, it seems like the sphere choice is more based on
the character's profession rather than a life leading force. I would think sphere
order would have been better.

Beib - (60) I think the updates are good to show some general movement of the
character, but overall the life of this one seems on the dull side. It simply
doesn't stand out among the other entries.

Dligoniara - (50) I think this is a great start to what reads like it would be a
very fun character, but it is just a start. I really like to see plenty of
movement in the lives of characters, and with one chapter there really isn't that
here.

Dupmasione - (75) I really enjoy how each chapter starts out with a reference
to the sphere choice. I wouldn't pick this out as a top winner, simply because
I think there's a lot of room here to explore more depth of the character. At
the same time, I also like the movement of the character's life. Well done.

Drustrui - (70) There were some good things about this role, such as I think it's
a nice creepy story for an evil character and it gives a lot of potential for
role play situations. There were also some bad things. First, a wall of text is
never good, use paragraphs. Second, the use of pronouns confused me. Half the time
I couldn't tell if you simply forgot the gender of your character or if you were
talking about another character in the story. I can see how the sphere choice comes
out here, but I am not certain about the class.

Dynruundt - (75) I really like the use of quick chapters that are condensed enough,
yet give full insight into the motivations of the character. The injection of OOC
remarks ruins it a little for me, but it looks as if you have strayed away from
this tactic in the later chapters (good). I think with more of these short updates,
this has the potential to be a really great role, but as of now not a winner.

Ecekai - (75) This role is very well done. The first paragraph of the first
chapter sets the tone for the whole thing. While I'm not usually one to favor
immature roles, I think there's plenty of potential in here for some great role
play.

Elkae Dibdrielleslin - (75) This started off strong with some nice jest thrown in,
but then it was almost like some of the later chapters were an afterthought to get
more xp. While the later chapters are well done, they seem out of order which
makes the read a bit chaotic. Also, it would be nice if there was a little more
depth to this character particularly how the sphere choice comes into play.

Frorania - (55) I just felt like this role was a little on the bland side. While
it does go into the character map, I think there are some things from the past of
the character that could have been elaborated upon to give more depth.

Gaquos - (50) It's hard for me to see how this character got from the point of his
father's death to his goals for the future especially when it comes to the cabal
pick. However, I do commend you for picking something that's a bit off the map
assuming that it is well roleplayed.

Gzurweeg - (65) This is a better than average role, but it just didn't give me
warm fuzzies. I think there were some gaps in it that could have been explained,
and there were some things that simply didn't need to be explained.

Hyrix - (50) While well written and seething of a certain amount of evil doing,
it simply doesn't stand out to me. Also, the sphere choice seems a little off
from how this reads. I almost think this type of character would have done better
with a different sphere/religion choice (from only looking at the role).

Ilobe Fesby - (75) I really enjoyed the lightness of this role despite its length,
but I did not enjoy the injection of things that I think were too real worldly.
The whole irish catholic thing (I'm certain you know Arkham no longer has nuns)
just put me off. I'm all for roles containing areas or based around areas in CF,
but this seemed a bit much. I also enjoyed how the character seemed to naive at
first, and then matured in later chapters.

Inverek - (65) I really liked how the tone of this role gave a nice grasp of the
general demeanor of the character, but I simply felt that it was lacking some
substance as well as being unfinished.

Jesmirov - (60) I felt like this role was a little flat, and it encompassed the
religion and only the religion. Not that that's a terrible thing, and it is a
perfectly acceptable role, but it simply doesn't give a lot in terms of how to
role play the character.

Jip - (50) I like the general light almost sing-song tone of this role, and I hope
that is something that is reflected in the role play of the character. Still, I
think this role has little substance to explain the make of the character.

Kalisda - (65) I like how this role sort of shows a slow turn to the dark side.
I'm just not seeing a ton of substance here to give me warm fuzzies about it like
special character quirks that I could see translating into some great RP.

Kepiri - Deleted

Kohrzeck - (50) This role is sort of quick and to the point, not on the level of
some of the epic tales that are general seen by role contest winners. It is totally
viable for the character make.

Kyaltaru - (80) The tell was quick and light, and the length of the updates were
in general very nice and to the point while still telling a story. I believe this
role is a prime example of how to use role updates appropriately. Also, the
general moodiness of the character really comes out in the writing. Well done. If
I could find some fault in here, it would be how the sphere choice is represented.

Laugash - (40) I am never going to be a fan of OOC roles, especially when they are
presented in this way. Sure, you covered a lot of the character map, but in later
chapters especially it was just off the grid.

Liethkim - (50) This started off on the stronger side, and then the update just
seemed funky. An acceptable role but nothing that sticks out.

Lokinitisim Ferginlarter - (50) Taking a few moments to format a role is always
something that is encouraged as this was a pain to try to read. There wasn't a lot
here to keep me captivated in the story, so I rate it as just an average role.

Lornis - (75) This role clearly screams evil, and while it is well written,
formatted and shows that you spent plenty of time on it, it has the usual short-
comings of most evil roles. From my experience it seems like a lot of evil roles
lack certain special character quirks that really make a character interesting. This
one really focuses on the sphere choice, and I think a lot of evil roles focus on
that sphere choice even when it is not their sphere.

Majheg - (80) Really nice read and the wording gives it a flow that makes it go by
quickly. I do however think that the sphere choice could have been played up a bit more
as well as some updates on the progression of the character.

Melrauko - Deleted

Mhithulzin - Deleted

Mizze - (45) If this role was left to just the first chapter, it would be a sad sad
role, so I'm glad you made an update. That being said I think there's some parts of
the character map missing here such as sphere choice.

Nado - (60) I get that you are trying to make the chaotic nature of this character
shine through via the first person style, but I think that this role would have
been better if it was done in third person and then switched perhaps into the mind of
the character at random times to show the neat first person stuff. Some of the tiny
updates were a little meh, but over all I enjoyed the approach.

Nerys - (65) I think the start of this role was nice, but then it started to get
dull. The updates simply weren't very true to the role command, and I think they
could have been used to give some movement to the character or further develop its
personality.

Pirkyn - (75) I laughed really hard at the last line of this role. Cute and light,
all good things I like to see in roles. Longer chapters, but they were easy to read.
However, I do have one big complaint. I like roles to be CF related. Even if someone is
making up a village or tribe that doesn't exist (which is totally fine) it should still
follow with general CF terms. Using "Davey Jone's Locker" really stuck out to me. Who
is this Mr. Jones to CF culture? I really think you'll be able to do a lot with this
role and this character. Well done and have a great time with the RP.

Pleebert - (85) This was nice and light to read with funny thrown in at all the right
places. While the whole role was spaced out over several updates, I really think you
did a great job of filling out the character map.

Qaqah - (35) This is entirely too condense to get a complete picture of the character
map, but it is a fine start especially in explaining the sphere.

Rhyaldrin - (65) This is a nice easy ready and it explains the motivations of the
character well enough. I think the sphere choice could be elaborated on a bit more,
but the updates are nicely placed. Also, the death prayer made me wince more than a
little.

Skriggua - (50) Like most one chapter roles, there's simply not enough meat here to
fill out the character map.

Srithra - (65) This is a hard one for me to rate because the style of writing is
switched so often in the role. At some points it is blunt and near OOC of not OOC, and
then at other times it is a story. I think it is within the nature of the role
command, but it simply pales compared to some of the other entries in this contest.

Ssirenia - (60) On one hand this is a longish role, but it felt a little lopsided, as
if the meatier parts of the character map were too rushed and the background was too
long.

Sulye Ahaleen (75) The updates in this are really well placed, and everything is
clean with a nice comfortable writing style. Still there wasn't really anything in
here that made it shine as a winner.

Thaedys - (50) This is a nice start, but it's still very immature. I'm always more
prone to roles that have that long lived fill, so keep adding to it.

Thaltran - (65) I really enjoyed the word choice and the momentum the writing
structure provides. I think the second chapter is really nice example of this, and I
found it quite enjoyable to read. So, why the lower score (which is still above
average). First, paragraphs are nice. Second, I didn't feel like there was a lot of
meat to this character after reading the role, and I really think that for a contest
more needs to be in there to make a character stand out.

Uulgrim - (70) I really get excited when people incorporate CF things into their
roles, and you did this beautifully. The amount of detail in this (I especially
enjoyed the description of cackle fever) is simply amazing, but I believe it is also
a downfall of this role. I read a lot of fun things that the character did on a trip,
but I didn't learn a lot about the meat of the character.

Vaez - (55) The updates on this are nice, and I sort of chuckled at the damage
messages you threw in there. I didn't really think the character was filled out
enough to really make it stand out as a great role (mostly from the background
story).

Veror - Send me some booze if I lose. Check. I took note of this... but deleted...
so not booze for you.

Viennie - (75) This was a fun, enjoyable read. The first chapter almost seemed unneeded
as I'm not sure if it was really explained well in the following chapters, but meh.
I think the role is still a little immature, and could use some useful updates that are
on the same caliber as the rest of the role. Well done.

Weggetana Wentervell - (65) The initial chapters of this role were a bit dry and
completely rushed like a lover that wants to move right onto the sex and skip the
foreplay (who doesn't like a little foreplay in their reading). Yet, the updates are
simply wonderful (yay for the big finish ). I especially enjoyed the first chapter
concerning cooking.

Yaelin - (80) The background story for this character is really lovely. Not that the
story is lovely, but it is well done in that way. However, I think the meat of the
character map is rushed. It was as if I was reading this great story and then had
various pieces of information shoved down my throat. I also like the character quirks
that are thrown in here, those are always something that I look for in a great role.

Zaireh - (85) So, I started this role at 0530, wanting to get done as this was one of
three I had left. I look at it, and groaned loud enough to startle my sleeping dogs
when I saw the 20+ chapters. Being a trooper, I started reading, and I have to admit
that I was so lost in the perfect completeness of this role that I forgot I was tired at
all. Chapter 3, last line of the 1st paragraph, LOL (There's a few other laughs in
there as well). While it might be easy for me to be totally wooed by this wonderfully
story that is oozing with so many things I like about a role, I think that how the god
came into play as well as the class choice is hazy.

Zalenne - (65) I think this is a neat initial concept, but as I went through chapter
after chapter I kept thinking, 'Move on from his already'. It just made the character
seem stagnant with the exception of the very last role update.

Zwi - (45) This is really too condensed to stand out in a role contest, and it
seems very awkwardly meshed together. A viable role for game purposes, but simply
not something for here.

  

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HOT TopicAugust 2009 Role Contest: [View all] , Neltouda, Wed 12-Aug-09 11:11 AM
Reply RE: August 2009 Role Contest:, Onewingedangel, 31-Aug-09 12:54 PM, #7
Reply RE: August 2009 Role Contest:, Kalisda (Guest), 14-Aug-09 05:41 PM, #6
Reply Thank you again, A2, 12-Aug-09 05:48 PM, #3
Reply RE: Thank you again, Neltouda, 13-Aug-09 12:34 AM, #5
Reply Thanks for the feedback ~, Pleebert (Guest), 12-Aug-09 03:46 PM, #2
Reply What's the number mean?, Forsakenz (Guest), 12-Aug-09 03:46 PM, #1
     Reply RE: What's the number mean?, Neltouda, 13-Aug-09 12:34 AM, #4
          Reply Wow you are a harsh grader., Kadsuane, 03-Sep-09 07:09 PM, #8
          Reply Grade Inflation!, Adekar, 04-Sep-09 10:45 AM, #10
          Reply How about to make a role contest more entertaining., Xanthrailles, 03-Sep-09 09:28 PM, #9
               Reply RE: How about to make a role contest more entertaining., A2, 04-Sep-09 10:45 AM, #11
               Reply 5 additions is what I have after.., Cerunnir, 04-Sep-09 01:22 PM, #14
               Reply I have this in mind:, Daevryn, 04-Sep-09 10:47 AM, #12
                    Reply Sounds good! :D n/t, Arrna (Guest), 04-Sep-09 01:22 PM, #13
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