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CyradiaSat 10-Mar-07 02:15 PM
Member since 26th Jan 2005
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#1023, "Specific Role Comments"
Edited on Sat 10-Mar-07 04:03 PM

          

Kaasi
This is a fine standard role to justify your cabal
choice. Consider adding more chapters to add some
additional depth as the character ages. (I see you
added one later on, after the role contest and after
I’d read this role.)

Zakar
80 characters per line, yo!
This is a good role. I like the format in that you
start out with a good background story, where
obviously you’ve thought out the character. Then you
also add chapters for important life events.

Sokde
Decent, bare minimum background. I like that you’ve
added “journal type” updates and they’re a fun read,
but they’re kind of all over the place and I’m not
sure what to take from them. Jumps back and forth a
lot from 1st person to 3rd. I’ve seen great roles
using either, but if you want to use both in the same
entry consider making it more obvious when and why
you’re transitioning.

Calahir - Deleted before contest over!

Jrhurg Mrhurg – Didn’t want any comments

Hrudgir Hirsget – Deleted!

Eled – Con Died?

Iia
Good Introduction, but left me wanting more - especially
given how old and active this character is. Would
have really liked to have seen sphere choice and a
particular thing referenced in the role spelled out
more!

Frajalar*
I think the reason I selected this for recognition was the prologue entry. It was just a well written, good length, story that I could really see as I was reading it.


Naloril*
Great description of the char! Can really imagine the
described character. Excellent story describing your
cabal choice.

Verakh
This role is, um, something! I’m not sure I have very
much that would be appropriate to comment here. I
would encourage you to kind of have a plan more for
your next role and develop your character out instead
of just rehashing common cabal theories/beliefs. I
know there were “non-essay” parts of your role, but
those left me quite perplexed.

Trebilco*
LONG! I appreciate your enthusiasm for story telling,
but there is some balance to be had between details
and finding a reasonable length that people can read
and absorb. I think the first story (how you got to
your guild) could have been told in a shorter fashion
without losing much.

Sekhuroth
Good Basic Role. Kind of wordy for not much meat, but
good imagery/ideas. It’s also possible I just don’t get it.

Taelina
I’m guessing English isn’t your first language, but I still thought the story idea was a neat one. I wish your character had stuck to it a little more in her life.

Ghraln
Good basic background role. Good set-up for your
religion and character detail painting.

Ahiviln
I think your using stream of consciousness could be a
good tool for giving the reader an insight into the
character’s head. However, I think this could be
strongly, strongly improved by doing more set-up explaining
what’s going on. Less quantity, more quality!

Zel
That’s a lot of role. Easy, enjoyable read. I think you might
need to also work on the balance between details and a
reasonable length for a reader to digest. I,
personally, would vote for less ‘day to day’ life
stuff and more substance. However, if you enjoy
writing them, go for it!

Aldran
Good googely moogley, man! Really freaking long...and a dense read.

Ofizal
Good Culty role. I really like the way “evil” is portrayed in the background story.

Veanik – Deleted?

Nuloh*
I selected this one out just because it was a solid role. It was a little different, it painted a good character foundation, etc.

Anildor
I like this role, but the entries I liked the most were already handled in last month’s role contest. I do like how you also used the role command to communicate and define “things” for your character.

Vassten
I don’t really get what you were getting at with this role. Maybe it makes a lot of sense in your religion?

Eulinda
Nothing wrong with this role, but it’s very, very minimal.

Rusylael
I like how this role incorporates character path/skill choices, in an in character way. I always am a sucker for that (why you picked your spec, why you picked your terrain, your repertoire, etc, etc.)

Hunsobo
While, I wasn’t especially moved by this role on a creativity/contest winner level, I have to give a lot of credit to the fact I can read it and get a really good idea as to who this character is. I might not have watched you a lot as you ranked, but reading this role I can catch myself up on your past. I’m not sure I’m explaining that well, but it’s one of my points in my ‘general tips’ post on this thread.

Algrahk
That was a little far out there for me, but hey…if you’re enjoying to role more power to you.

Toramok
I don’t feel I ever quite understood the story this role was trying to tell..

Chiji
Man, I hate to be down on something where someone is being creative – but that style is damn hard to read!

Torin
OK basic role.

Brinkmun*
I thought this was a good, different role for your cabal choice. Easy read and a good story. I, personally, would prefer to see these backgrounds laid at an earlier rank.

Burkuz
OK basic role.

Zherdov
Hi, I’m Cyradia the Demon Goddess. That is all.

Tallanalas*
This wasn’t a very well written role (maybe English isn’t your first language?) but the concept was kind pretty fresh.

Vessit*
I really liked this role. I would have loved to see extra ‘as the character grows’ entries, but I really enjoyed the background story that’s here.

Naarai
OK basic role.

Jhoruim
Good basic role

Fiene
I really liked this role. It’s just a very fun story that I completely enjoyed.

Kedylia
Good basic role

Dyneli
I thought this was a cool role, and I especially like the stream of updates. Makes it very useful.

Ilden*
I liked this role because it was well written, yet fairly simple, but still put a cool spin on an evil character/religion combo.

Waserax
See the comments on Hunsobo and apply them here.

Gaerhun
Good standard role.

Kaindhin
Good standard role. I thought this role had a lot of potential if you’d kinda followed through with the purpose of the things in the story and followed-up with how the character grew.

Maethron
Good basic role.

Victoria
Good basic role. Nice little twist.

  

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HOT TopicFebruary Role Contest Winners [View all] , Cyradia, Tue 06-Mar-07 09:25 PM
Reply Did notes go out yet?, Runner-Up (Guest), 16-Mar-07 06:41 AM, #9
Reply Yup, Cyradia, 16-Mar-07 06:44 AM, #10
Reply Specific Role Comments, Cyradia, 10-Mar-07 04:03 PM #2
Reply RE: Specific Role Comments, Calahir (Guest), 10-Mar-07 05:48 PM, #3
Reply RE: Specific Role Comments, Cyradia, 10-Mar-07 05:52 PM, #4
Reply Hope we see more of this in all those role contest!, Beer, 10-Mar-07 09:35 PM, #5
Reply This wasn't a very well written comment..=), Tallanalas (Guest), 12-Mar-07 08:56 AM, #6
Reply RE: This wasn't a very well written comment..=), Jynx, 15-Mar-07 09:19 PM, #7
     Reply RE: This wasn't a very well written comment..=), Cyradia, 15-Mar-07 09:24 PM, #8
          Reply I'll tell you what., Tallanalas (Guest), 26-Mar-07 07:57 AM, #14
               Reply I'm ok with this., Cyradia, 26-Mar-07 08:01 AM, #15
               Reply I still don't get it., Tallanalas (Guest), 07-Apr-07 02:19 PM, #21
               Reply Sheesh, lighten up., Quixotic_LZ (Guest), 27-Mar-07 09:43 AM, #16
               Reply You are an ungrateful douchebag. F### Off. (nt), Lord-SMUG (Guest), 28-Mar-07 08:37 AM, #17
Reply Since I deleted: For Cyradia, Zherdov (Guest), 18-Mar-07 08:21 PM, #11
Reply RE: Since I deleted: For Cyradia, Cyradia, 20-Mar-07 07:48 AM, #12
     Reply I actually think the Lloth demon goddess, Guy (Guest), 26-Mar-07 07:57 AM, #13
Reply Thanks for the helpful info. Could ya tell me what you ..., Krilcov Krieger, 29-Mar-07 06:15 AM, #18
     Reply RE: Thanks for the helpful info. Could ya tell me what ..., Cyradia, 29-Mar-07 07:01 AM, #19
          Reply Purchasing the PBF this weekend. nt, Krilcov Krieger, 29-Mar-07 10:54 PM, #20
Reply General Comments, Cyradia, 10-Mar-07 03:10 PM, #1
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