Role

Chapter 18

Dust and heat
Added Thu Jul 26 17:51:40 2018 at level 51:

"I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised and
unbreathed, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but slinks out of
the race where that immortal garland is to be run for, not without dust and
heat."

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Drissa never lacked for certainty in her youth. Confidence overflowed within
her, despite any hardships in her way. Without memories, without speech,
without even the ability to walk, her Courage saw her through. Now, around
the midway point in her life, the river of blood she has spilled has changed
her in unexpected ways. She is just as confident as ever - perhaps even more
so, after crystallizing her expression of her beliefs about light and dark
and love - but she is very much more acutely aware of what it means when she
calls the Maran's duty a burden. This has seemed like a sort of melancholy to
some of her friends, most of all her dearest friend Aurew, but she doesn't
see it as such. "My spirit has soared recently," she told the Cardinal, "It
is a fine feeling. No doubt I am feeling Lord Korsgaard's influence more than
ever."

In truth, she has begun to dissociate in small ways. She drinks more than she
used to. She views the world in slightly detached terms. She loves it more
than ever, and bears no ill will towards anyone or anything for the life she
has chosen, but she has also come to see herself as apart from it. She knows
how the others within the Brigade speak of her, and what she means to them,
and she knows she must be an example for them - not out of pride, nor vanity,
but out of the deep reservoir of love that she has untapped from somewhere
within her spirit. There is a cost to everything, and... more than she will
ever know... she has never shied away from sacrifice.

The influence of the divine is everywhere in her life. Korsgaard, who she
loves with every essence of her being, she strives imperfectly to model
herself after - full of wrath when necessary, but kind and gentle when not,
and quick to laugh, quick to befriend, quick to celebrate the accomplishments
of the righteous. Above it all, she loves him for seeking to build up and
strengthen his followers, and for guiding them to become self reliant. In
this more than any other way, she thinks of him and all the Lords of Light as
polar opposites to gods like Emnon, Morius, and even the Lich King of Devils
himself, Scarabaeus.